Read the story now
To begin with, I love the idea of this book. The blurb was very interesting to me and it seems like the kind of book I would like. I did find some things that stopped me from enjoying the first chapter.
First, the writing style. It reminded me of a poorly written fanfiction. There was almost no detail of any characters and the dialogue was stilted.
Second, Starting out with the question, "What" confused me. The question was never really answered and it is unclear why he is asking what. Maybe, if you added, "What did you find?" or "What do you want?" it would be a little better and clearer.
Third, I hate to beat detail to death, but I do because I know that's what I tend to be bad at as well. Who are these characters? What do they look like? What are they wearing? Do they have earrings, glasses, tattoos, etc? What are their personalities like?
And now for the stuff I liked.
First, I do like how it started with a phone conversation. That makes it pretty interesting.
Second, I like the end when he notices the symbol and becomes concerned/worried. That gives it a sense of curiosity. I will read the second chapter because of that.
Third, I really like the fact that you use bigger words. Nonplussed is one of them, I appreciated seeing a variety of vocabulary. Because of that I was happy to ignore the cuss word.
Thanks for writing this! I look forward to the second chapter.