I really enjoyed the prologue of this story, it was my favorite part, well-written, well-paced, captivating and downright freaky! I was really hoping for that scene to be continued or developed further at the story but it didn't come back, that was a shame. Maybe it will in the next part?
Read the story now
I enjoyed reading this, the premise of this story, though not original, is very freaky and well constructed. It reminded me a bit of Coraline during the first nightmare sceance, which I liked.
I did have problems connecting with the main character, especially at the begining, he was quite egotistical, bit of a smartass and seemed unable to empathise with the people around him (though, being a teenager, that's realistic). I was happy to see him take on a more protective and braver attitude at the end.
There were a few grammar issues and typos in there, but easy to fix when you're editing.