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In spite of the interesting dialog and premise, all I can really say about this story is: "What."
Insipid names like Ralph juxtaposed against painfully corny and colloquial dialog and descriptions of the "everyday life of a jinn" detract from what attempts to be a humorous and broad look at the life of a genii. I hate to dismiss "Ralph the Jinn" as boring. I'll just have to settle for saying, "What."
Unconventional and unapologetic... which is a good thing.
Why can't I attack Justice in Usono for lacking versimilitude? What can't I disparage Justice in Usono for being pretentious, heavy-handed, and didactic? Why can't I critcise its lack or excess of dialog?
Because it does all those things so well. Justice in Usono has flaws, that is without question. However, many of its flaws, it turns into strengths. The conspicuous lack of speech between chapters, the sometimes flowery, sometimes dry and gritty descriptions all contribute to an atmosphere that is simultaneously trapping and liberating. As it is now, it has the foundations to a story that is both personal as it is grand, all the while avoiding flamboyent and unecessary "make-up" jargon, and staying close to a tangible future that his roots in both realism and exagerated pecimism. You don't need to hate the American country of Usono to realize that its a magically perverse place.
You don't need to believe in the Rompopolis to see the intracasies and the failings of human nature. Though sometimes too abstract, and other times too descriptive, Justice in Usono is a resounding triumph in what it saught out to do: tastefully subvert the dystopian genre.
Hard to begin, hard to continue, but solidly rewarding nonetheless
House of Neotar tries to be something its not: large. What do I mean by this? I mean the constant ambiguous, hard to follow dates, settings, names and other lore than get in the way of the story. "Aren't all those things the story?" one my ask. Sometimes yes, but here, a resounding no. It is in the relationships between characters and subtle intrigues that House of Neotar shines, and perhaps a revision to focus less on pompous "lore vocabulary" and more on the heart of this story, as I see it, in its humanity, would serve this undoubtedly interesting story well.Read the story now
A nice piece of fiction, but sometimes a bit didactic
As the title says: this is an interesting, well organized piece of fantasy fiction. It has a good foundation, in sophisticated vocabulary, reasonably paced world-building, and good ideas. But in execution, it stumbles, both in attempting far to overtly to seem "grand" without proper setup, and in so doing comes across as a poor attempt at didactism. Despite its flaws however, The Crimson Miracle is a solid story that should serve for a good half an hour of entertainment.Read the story now
Very hard to get through.
I understand this isn't supposed to be writing, but its in a writing contest, on a website for writing. Its hard to get through. The world building is just overwhelming, hard to follow, and uninteresting as it is now. Explanations are hard to follow, and everything is just thrown out without decent setup. Maybe if this was a comic, yeah, but no way should this be THIS high up on a writing contest.Read the story now
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