You did a really great job with this story! The plot is thorough and quite complex. I would say the best part of this story is the mother-son relationship you introduced between Olivia and her son. It makes the story feel real and allows the reader to immerse themselves into the role of the charters, especially for those who are parents themselves. In regards to your writing style, I thought the way you described the thoughts and feelings of your characters was pretty thorough. I also enjoyed the way you wrote the same scene from the perspective of another character. I think it allowed for a sense of creativity and uniqueness to your writing. There are some punctuation and grammar errors, but nothing too overwhelming. I suggest, maybe, running your story through websites like Grammarly (free to use) to help with that. Overall, good job! Keep writing!
Read the story now