I read the first piece to see if it was my style of reading and it's not exactly. I will continue to read it when I have spare time but I believe this was enough to review.
Read the story now
So to start you got really involved with the story and that's necessary to me. However it often times felt like rambling or filling the space, like you wanted to map everything out in a way. Like it was both a movie and a picture/Manga type book, if that makes sense. Sometimes rambling and filling is fine when writing but this felt a little over the top to me. I'll keep reading to see if it continues similarly.
As far as the rest it had decent storyline plot from what I understood about each character and such. The characters had some depth to them so overall I would say it's worth a read, I'm a picky kind of person with reading. Aside from the above not a whole lot wrong with this story for the first piece.