senchai

n. storyteller and her cup of tea

Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Beautiful

This is true poetry.

This poem is a powerful piece, especially with the constant repetition of "we are not one" contrasted against "we are one". Not a word was wasted, and each was used thoughtfully to create such an evocative poem.

Your volta was like a tidal wave (goodness it was lovely), a strong emotional turn drawing the poem to a more personal end and the last line and "no one; not we, only I now, only me" were absolutely perfect touches.

Since you asked for feedback on your punctuation in one of your posts on the Feedback & Reviews forum, I took a closer look at it. It's great overall, though the lack of full stop on the last line sort of irked me. It's most likely a harmless mistake so you could just change that :)

Beautiful job and I'd love to see some more poetry from you! Keep going!

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Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Interesting

Your writing style is comfortable and easy to get into, with simple, but effective description which in my opinion draws readers in rather well.

The Red Riding Hood re-write took on an interesting perspective with your male protagonist Red and the change with the villain and his intentions. A quick suggestion for more cohesion in the story is perhaps exploring a theme or morals in re-telling your story other than simply doing it for a plot twist.

You might want to check your Cinderella chapter, as it seems to be truncated at the end and unfinished? Perhaps you didn't paste the full story in the editor? As well as that, there are some areas in both stories where you should check the grammar, especially with speech. Attributives such as he said or she said do not need to be capitalised. See the link below for clarification:

http://www.quickanddirtytips.com/education/grammar/he-said-she-said?page=all

Overall, your story was fresh and intriguing and done well. Great job and keep going!

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