I'm... amazed! Genuinely amazed!
Well, I’m about two thirds through the first chapter and… It’s awesome. It’s possibly worth mentioning that it’s perhaps not the type of book I’d usually read but even so, I’m hooked. The humour, the colourful nature of the story (quite literally) is really enrapturing and all of the characters so far are brilliant characters and very clear and well written. There’s also no “Information Overload”, It’s all very well written and all flows amazingly well, you've used the characters 1st person incredibly.
Read the story now
If I had to nick-pick then maybe the chapters (or at least the first one) is/are a little lengthy. I certainly don’t think anything needs to be taken out but maybe just divide up the chapters a bit more. Beyond that I’m honestly struggling to find ‘bad points’ and even the chapter length might be a bit of a push.
It is a really well written, really entertaining book and I can’t wait to know what’s going to happen next (in a genre that I really wasn’t much interested in until now. You’ve hooked outside your genre, that takes skill!) Really well done!
Also, a side note. I’ve already recommended this book to a friend of mine who’s much more into this genre than I am and I know she’ll love it, THAT’S how well you’ve done.