Could use some improvement.....
I REALLY don't mean to be harsh or rude if that's how you see it. I just noticed that you don't include punctuation very much and your grammar isn't the best. I know I commented this, but please keep an eye on run-on sentences. They can make the story confusing sometimes, so I think you should shorten them to make your meaning clear, but don't make it sound too choppy. Also, don't forget quotation marks when you show that they're speaking please. That is one of my pet peeves so that popped out a lot to me. It might not pop to everyone, but it did to me just because, like I said, it's one of my pet peeves. And just watch out for your grammar. I know not all of it is bad, but there is room for improvement.
Read the story now
Finally, I love the plot! I think that this story has a lot of potential, and you really should keep working on it! Great job, I'm already hooked on the story and there are only two chapters so far!
By the way, if it seems like I'm judging, I'm not. You're really good for just starting!