Stacie Evans

Hello. I'm Stacie. I write YA/NA dramas. I hope to gain critiques and reviews that would help me while also hoping ya'll are entertained by my work.

Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Overall Coalition Review

This is my overall review. There will be both a plot section and a technical section.

Plot Stuff: The overall plot, I feel, is a slow-burn. That's not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, you want your readers to learn about the main characters in your story will slowly building up to the main meat of the story. That's good, but sometimes it can run a little too slow. It wasn't until the last two chapters (chapters 7 and 8 at the time of this post) that things were starting to actually pick up. I felt like I was reading a very long prologue and a first chapter. I think picking up the pace a bit and do a bit of rearranging would make this story flow better. Your story does have potential. I can see this having a good mixture of plot and sex scenes. But pacing and rearranging stuff would help this story a lot.

Technical stuff: There were times things were inconsistent, such as the switching from third person to first person. There was random Spanish in Chapter 8, for which I don't understand why. On the mobile app, the paragraphs are fine, but on the computer, they're formatted in a clunky way. This could use a massive technical edit. If all of this was written on a phone, which it seemed like it was, then go on your computer and look over the large errors. After that, once you're officially done writing the plot, then look into hiring an editor or use ProWriterAid.

Overall, this is clearly a first draft. But this story, and the series, means a lot to you, then don't give up on it. Like I said, I can see this having great potential. You do have something there. Just focus on writing your story first. Get that done. That's more important than worrying and overthinking everything while you're writing this story.

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Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Coalition Review

If I could just give a one-word review, it would be "wow."

Fantasy isn't something I would ever read or write. But this one, out of all of the fantasy works I ever had to read and critique, this one is the best one. It's not your stereotypical medieval Europe fantasy. No, this one looks and feels different. It has that early modern world setting with technology slowly emerging. It also reads like a YA sci-fi dystopian novel, which it kind of is, but it isn't. Yet there are a few topics in this work that are relatable today, such as media censorship and sensitization; government leaders distorting the truth by being chaotic and divisive; and the big one, discriminating those who are "different."

All of this is what makes this work different from all the other fantasy works I had to read. Because of this, I wanted to keep reading more. I wanted to know more the true history of the Deviants. I even want to learn more about this world and the world outside of this world, if there is one. I do hope to all of that will be explored eventually. This seems like it might be a series, but we would all have to wait and see if that'll be the case.

As for any criticisms, I don't see any issues with the technical stuff. It seems pretty polished. The use of third person was done well, keeping control over the POVs and making sure there was no head-hopping. I think this may eventually be almost ready for actual publication. Also, I don't have any issues with the plot.

Other than that, I hope to see more from this story. If you want to read a fantasy that is different from the rest, go with this one. If you're into YA dystopia, go with this. Really, go with this work. It's actually that good.

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