Phoenix Skywalker

A galaxy far, far away

Yes, I definitely live on Coruscant. I think I'm a pretty decent writer for my age, and am currently writing a fanfic and original story. Any feedback will help. Wattpad account: StarWars4_Life

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Wow

Okay... I honestly was not expecting the story that you told. I took a chance that it might be good, and it was great. I loved it, and I think it's one of the better Fanfics that I have read. I liked your writing style, I think it''s pretty unique, (Way better than mine) and the plot... well, the story itself was something that I don't think I've ever read in a fanfiction. I wasn't expecting Ashla to be, well, I don't want to give the story away, but, I wasn't expecting that even though it was on the cover. I think the fact that you were able to pull that off is great. I liked the pacing of the story, it wasn't too slow, but it wasn't too fast either. It didn't leave me confused at a fast pace, but it gave me time to breathe. I think this story is great. :)

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Plot development

I think the idea was pretty cool, but... I couldn't really tell where the plot was going. You had good use of vocabulary, but you should have checked for more grammatical errors. It was a real roller-coaster. I think what you should do is have some dialogue, side adventures, etc. Maybe just remember what the task at hand is. When I read the title, "Vader's sister." I was a bit confused at first because it was taking a little long to get to the point. I think you should take your story and expand on the idea. It has the potential to be great.

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I liked it!

Usually, I'm quite reluctant to reading short stories. This one, though, I felt was exactly what it needed to be. The title is correct, the story is "Setting an example". I like that you kept Vader's character. I also liked that his subordinates followed him wholeheartedly. I've read a bunch of fanfiction where a stormtrooper or captain will betray the empire and join the rebellion. Though for a good story, I felt like this one was fine without it. I feel like you could improve on the storyline a bit. It was short, concise, and thorough, though I think it has the potential to be something really good. Your writing style is fantastic, so maybe you could make another story after the fact. Overall, I enjoyed the story and hope you make some more. :)

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Lady Obscura

As soon as I read the prologue, I really loved the story. I thought there was an interesting dynamic between the characters and the characters you created. What I mostly thought was interesting was the Master and Apprentice connection that you created between Athara and Vader. It makes a softer, more caring side to the Sith that we only really get to see at the end of Return of the Jedi. Your amazing writing also makes the interactions between Athara and the Original Trilogy characters completely believable. Usually, the author of a story would rush the ending of a story, or leave it open for interpretation. But it seems like you took your time to write the ending of the story, actually thinking about what might have happened. I love the Padme twist at the end- and the silent dynamic of love and pride that Anakin shares with Athara is almost perfect. Overall, I think it was a great story, and you should continue writing because you have some great ideas and storyline plot. I like that you stuck with the attitudes of the existing characters, even indulging in them to bend in our understanding of why they behave the way they do. You flawlessly inserted Athara in the events of the movies, and I almost see her in the background when I re-watch A New Hope. When I look back on this story, I love that Athara's character has developed and changed through the course of time, yet her character remains the same. A lot of authors forget to remember that during developing the character, they are still the same character. I love your story, and you should continue writing.

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