Kali Lynn

Here They Come

The suspense and mystery is real with this story. The way you write flows well and reads like it's well thought out. Your writers voice is well developed and doesn't fall victim to the overly telling some first person povs fall victim to. I'm curious as to where these monsters come from and why those things have been happening in his home. It could benefit from a quick proofread but its very well done. You're a talented author. Keep writing!

A Good Start!

I think it's a really good start. The action packed prologue really snaps the reader in, a sharp contrast to when the first chapter starts, introducing the MC and her friends until the cliffhanger ending. I could see this being a leave no stones unturned mystery, and a good one. It could benefit from a quick proofread to fix quite a few grammatical errors and maybe add a few more details but I think its a very strong start. You're a good author. Keep writing!

The Social Misfit

This story is amazing so far. The characters right off the back are unique in their own way and just jump off the page. The dialogue is über realistic and feels as if they really are talking, their voices well developed. I like how you chose two characters of different backgrounds and different religious upbringings and how their differences bring them closer together and stronger as a couple rather than an argument. Quite like on Friends how Chandler not celebrating Thanksgiving but also celebrating Christmas and Monica being Jewish, but they still work and celebrate things together in their own way. Everything about this feels real, like it really happened or is unfolding like a television show before the reader's eyes. There were a few minor errors but nothing too bad. I'll definitely be reading more, you're a talented author. Keep writing!

Unique

The premise of this story is unique so far. I haven't read many witch stories, but some of this reminded me of the original Charmed series a tad bit. I'm curious to see what happens now that Blair knows she's a witch and met with her mom after all this time. Starting out with action before the expostion is really smart, a good tool to hook in your readers and give them a reason to be intrigued. Though, since that same scene happens later on in the book, I recommend telling the reader in the first chapter like 'One day earlier' because it got confusing when it switched like that.
Now, there's quite a few grammatical errors. When it comes to dialogue, the speech needs to be enclosed in quotation marks. One set at the beginning and one at the end. The end of the last sentence if followed by a dialogue tag like 'she said' needs to end in a comma unless the last sentence was a question or ended with an exclamation mark. Also, the dialogue tag is supposed to be in the same paragraph as the dialogue. There was some moments where it was set up right but also some where it wasn't. Also, there needs to be more detail about the characters, and also more showing than telling. Some descriptions scattered in were really ominous, try and build off of that. When using a spell/foreign language, it needs to be in italics, like when the mother is explaining to Blair what she needs to say when she wakes up or Grams' spell from an earlier chapter. There were some missing commas along with areas where letters were unnecessarily capitalized or needed to be capitalized. Nothing a quick proofread or edit can't fix.
I do hope this helps any. Your story is really good so far, the concept really unique and set up in an intriguing manor. Can't wait to read more. Keep writing!

Uncovered

I really like this story so far. Jax and Mercy have such an adorable meet cute, leading into a sort of friendship flirtation that could very naturally smooth right in for the KO date for them to become official. I like the natural progression of their relationship so far. And it seems like there's something to do with werewolves, which would be a very unique way to introduce such a concept. Curious to see what Jax and his family has to do with it all. There were quite a few technical erorrs, nothing a quick edit won't fix. Also, there were some places that needed some more detail and more showing. But your story is great so far. Keep writing!

Porcelain

I really like this story so far. The main character is such a badass, especially when she put those gang members in their place. I'm intrigued to see where this goes, and will definitely be reading on to find out. The plot is so unique.
Now, there were quite a few grammatical errors, mainly missing commas. Also, there were some dialogues that needed to end in a comma rather than a period, because a dialogue tag followed them. And there were some misworded sentences, but it's all nothing that can't be fixed with a little editing.
It's a really good story, and you're a great writer. I do hppe this helps. Keep writing!

Black Tie Society

The concept of this story is quite unique, and does bring to light a section of society not usually touched on in literature, and most of the time it is done so in a negative light. You show an open mindedness to this subjected, and I applaud you. Also, you're doing from a male perspective that is also not usally talked about as much as females. This is a good story so far.

Though, there are quite a few grammatical issues. Your story keeps flipping from past and present is very confusing. For new writers, writing in the present tense can be a little easier, but it's up to you what you're more comfortable with. Also, there are a lot of missing commas and run on sentences. When talking to someone, there needs to be a comma before their name, and if it is in the middle of the sentence, after their name as well. Also, ellipses, the three dots, those need to be uses sparsely, but also there needs to be a space inbetween the ellipse and the next word. Also, you need to show more than tell. If someone is getting a call, show the reader through 'a ringtone blaring' or 'vibrating in their pocket.' It'll help perk a reader's interest but also build a picture in their head along with adding more detail about the environment/setting. You need to build the world for the readers. With dialogue, their needs to be a comma at the end of the last sentence in the dialogue, unless it ends with a question mark or exclamation point, followed by a dialogue tag. The first letter of the first word in the dialogue tag, unless it is a person's name, should be lowercase. If the dialogue does not end in a dialogue tag, then it should end with a normal period and the next word should be capitalized. Also, you need to establish who's speaking when concerning dialogue so it does not get confusing. There was that one section in the beginning of the first chapter and it got confusing who was speaking. When it comes to dialogue, explaining different things like tone of voice and even body language can help develop your characters and tell things about your characters without explicitly stating it. There were some unrealistic things in your story like 'selling 200 homes in 2 years' and also 'floor 36' in the hotel. Most hotels don't have more than between 5 to 15 floors. Also, selling homes is a long process and isn't always easy.

I'm sorry for the long review, but i do hope it helps any. I wasn't trying to be rude, just trying to help. Your story is unique and good with a lot of promise. Your skills as a writer can only go up from here. You're doing a good job. I do hope this helps any. Keep writing!

Fatal Infatuation

This story has promise. The plot is interesting, starting with how Phoebe is an interior designer - not something you see alot - and this starts with a buisness trip with her best friend. Definitely unique. Now, I know english isn't your first language - props to some of those huge vocabulary words - and there is quite a bit of errors including the changing of the tenses even in the same sentence. Also, if you're going to insert her thoughts during a bit of dialogue, either break off the dialogue by adding a comma if it's in the middle of the sentence or the appropriate punctuation mark, add it in, and then continue the dialogue. Also, even in her narrative, if you use her thoughts, try and distinguish it everytime otherwise it can be confusing. Another tip, try to show rather than tell. Detail/descriptive nouns and action verbs are your best friend when writing, they can help show rather than tell, plus using actions and dialogue to help develop your character's personalities. You're doing good so far, keep it up! Keep writing!

The Halfway Perfect Town

I've enjoyed the story so far. Your use of the narrator being a more popular girl is unique, especially with a lot of stories online being told differently. I can not wait to read more and see how the plot develops. There were some grammatical and punctuation errors especially concerning dialogue and missing punctuation, but that can be fixed with proofreading. Maybe add some more detail and also keep in mind with dialogue, use a new paragraph when the speaker changes otherwise it can get confusing. Also, just wondering but how is one girl able to drive her friends to school freshman year? I dont know if you mentioned it, but freshman where I live is 14 and kids can't get their license then. But I really enjoyed this story so far and can't wait to keep reading. You're a great writer from what I've read. Keep writing!

Awesome

I love this story so much. Everything about this story is amazing from the characters to the incredible way it is written to keep the readers enticed to read more and more. Definitely a binge-able story. Adam reminds me of some other "bad boy" type characters from other stories but in a good way, but he is also so different from others and that makes him an even better character. There were some technical errors with grammar, punctuation and wording. But other than that, this story is incredible and I'll definitely be waiting on the edge of my seat for the next chapter.

Good start

The story is definitely a good start. There were a few grammatical errors including what seemed like an unfinished sentence on the second to last paragraph of the first chapter and some run on sentences. The idea is unique. I've never seen a concept quite like this before. The voice matches the time era especially with excellent diction to match. Good luck with the rest of the story, this is a good start.

Awesome!

While I haven't really read anything like this, I've throughly enjoyed this story so far and can't wait to find out what happens next. Especially with the last chapter in Nolan's point of view, it's left me intrigued, curious of what his involvement in all this is. I have not read a dream sequence this methodical and well written ever, and I applaud you. Dreams are hard af to write, and you've done an amazing job. Everything about this story keeps you on the edge of your toes, ready to read more. Good luck in the contest and I can't wait to read more. There were some grammatical/missing words, but I know you're going to be editing soon and it's to be expected with a fresh draft, happens to me all the time. Keep writing, you're doing great!

The Sparkle of Dark

This is a promising start. The Plot unique and your female lead intriguing. Some of your details are well done, carefully woven in the narrative and bolstering it all to the next level. I'm curious to see how this further develops and plays out.
There were some issues of the tenses jumping back and forth, even in the same sentence and paragraph. And there were some dialogues formatting issues. Also, your paragraphs lumped together, causing it to be hard to read at times. A good tool for the grammar would be Grammarly, I've heard it works wonders and also there is a free version.
Your book is really promising and I'm intrigued to see where it goes next. You're doing a great job and youre a good writer. Keep writing!

Alpha Caine

I think this story has potential. As long as this story does glorify/romanticize anything and actually show believable growth, it can become a good story. It seems like that isn't your plan, which is good since some werewolf stories I've seen/heard about do that at times frequently. Your plot could benefit from some research. I'd like to see Carter grow as a human through her own strength rather than relating back towards her big bad Alpha mate. One should be strong in their own right and love themselves before jumping into a serious relationship like that of mates depicted here, you can also twist to match your narrative since she pretty much is in this at all times even if it is a slow process. It could also benefit from a proofread for some grammar issues. Your first person narrative is well done and authors voice clear and descriptive. Your characters have unique voices, which is a great thing and can be hard for some to master. Your story is full of potential and your such a great author. Keep writing!

Accidental Relationship

Oh my gosh, this story is so cute. The dialogue and banter is witty and awesome. It's so well written and as it progressed, you could feel their emotions jump off of the page. It's a great read and i binged it in one sitting. It needs a quick proofread but I still loved this story. It didn't distract very much. Youre such a great author

Mommy's Lil Angel

Gosh, I got goosebumps just reading this story. Your ability to craft horror and suspense is incredible. Everything about this is well done. The way you wove in Chris's backstory and even the irony of Chris's childhood compared to him currently being a surrogate parent of sorts. The action is gripping and enticing paired with the hinted mystery in each chapter of your story so far. There were a few errors, but nothing too distracting. You've got such a talent as a horror author, and as an author in general. Keep writing!

Red

I've really enjoyed what I've read so far. The action is enticing and really engaging. It hooks the readers right in, the fact the beginning is high action is something I've really enjoyed. Your female lead is a complete badass, and your first person narrative is well developed. There were a few moments where the word choice could have been better and also the formatting of the dialogue is unique to you. I understand this is unedited, and errors are okay. What counts is that your story is extremely well written and your plot is so unique and we'll developed so far. Can't wait to read more. You're such a talented author. Keep writing!

The Rise of a Luna

This story is so well done. The plot is engaging and unique. I like how both main characters have their own flaws and their own goals. I don't read many werewolf stories, and the ones I have are all the same, and I really enjoy how different this one is. The new age world overtaken by werewolves is unlike anything ive read before, and immediately hooked me right away. Your first person narrative is well developed and your swapping point of views is also done right, neither falling into the typical issues and tropes many usually do. Your dialogue sounds real, and giving the inner wolves names is a nice touch, helping further develop them. There were a few grammatical errors, but nothing that hindered the story in any way. Definitely finishing this story when I have time. Curious to see if she can bring peace to the world or will she actually kill the Alpha. You're an amazing writer. Keep writing!

Good Start

This is a really promising start. The Plot seems interesting and your intro hooked the readers in. The nervousness displayed by Eli was understandable given the newfound environment. Watch out for overusing certain words and nouns because they can become dry/boring, having a negative impact on the readers. Also, ellipses (...) are three dots instead of two but also should be used sparingly. Aside from a few grammatical errors, this is a promising start and the beginning of what seems like a cute story. Keep writing!

This Made Me Feel Things

Okay, let me start out by saying what the fuck?? Why, just why? When you said it was too late for them, I didn't expect this at all. Maybe a marriage or something else, but damn. There might have been someone cutting onions by me while I read this, not gonna lie. Your writing is gorgeous. It all flowed so well, at times even melodic. Your characters were believable, the emotions so raw. And the ending just sucker punches you right where it hurts. I love this story and will definitely be reading more by you in the future. You are so talented as an author. Keep writing!!

One Letter

I think the plot so far is quite unique. Zambia is a fresh setting for a romance novel, even a novel in general. I like how Alicia is playing hard to get since many girls just fall at the guys feets in some romance novels. Her playing coy like that is unique.

The fundamentals really need some work however. There are unnecessary spaces, missing commas, missing punctuation among others. There were some misformated dialogue. Everytime a new speaker is introduced, there is a change in paragraph. Also, the story could benefit from showing rather than telling. Detail is one of your best friends when writing and it was lacking in such. Also, if she's from the UK, she wouldn't be speaking in forms of dollars - a US currency - but rather in pounds.

I do hope this helps. Your story is promising and is good so far. Keep writing!

Without You

Holy shit! Like HOLY SHIT!!! I fucking love this story. Even if the ending made me tear up just a teensy weensy little bit. The writing style reminded me a bit of the Great Gatsby but easier to follow. Everything was obviously treated with care and the emotions flow from the story with ease. Hands down one of my favorite stories on Inkitt. It's just a beautiful story.

There were some grammatical/punctuation errors, namely missing commas. A tip, if dialogue is followed by a dialogue tag like 'he said or she said' then it ends with a comma, then the closed quotation marks and the dialogue tag with the first letter being a lowercase one unless it's a proper noun. Also, at the very end when it switched to third, maybe put it in italics because it got a little confusing. And, with the dates, perhaps bold it or something to help it stand out because it got meddled with the text and was a bit confusing at first.

This story was amazing and i hope my review helped any. Cant wait to read more books by you in the future. Keep writing!

Professional Level Fantastic

This story read like an actual professional novel. The concept of the story is unique and immediately hooks the reader upon impact. Your vocab is superb and your theme is something people really need to hear. Your characters are all diverse and unique, their voices easy to distinguish even without a dialogue tag. I binged this in one setting and do not regret it. I could so see this turned into an epic movie. You're an amazing writer. Keep writing!

Unique Concept

This concept is really unique and unlike anything I've seen before. The domineering of the women is totally unique, flipping the dystopian cliche on its head. Everything about this story so far is unique and cliche breaking. It's really interesting.
There were quite a few instances of missing commas, weird sliced paragraphs and sentences in need of a few tweaking. Also, like others have said, try and add some more detail to help the image develop. Don't need to reveal everything all at once.
It's a really good story so far, and I can't wait to read more. Keep writing!

Finding Victory

This is the perfect Halloween, autumn read. So spooky and mysterious. Once you think you have something figured out, another mystery pops up. Even the school as a whole gives off mystery vibes, even Victory's roommate, Hil. Your narrative voice for Victory is so well thought out and developed, fits her character really well. You really have a good grasp of first person narrative. Everything about this story feels so well planned out, methodically plotted. I can't wait to read on and see all these mysteries develop, and even new ones pop up. An easy binge read with medium sized chapters that fits with the scheme of it all. Very griping, keeps the reader hooked until the very end. There were a few minor errors, nothing distracting, just needs a quick once over. You're such a talented writer. Can't wait to read more. Keep writing!

Unconditionally Heartless

I do like the story so far. This seems like a really cute story and a complete flip-flop of the typical trope of a bad boy transforming the good girl or a group of girls transforming the 'nerdy, quiet' girl for the bad boy. It's a nice, fresh take on a best friend romance. It shows girls can help guys improve, but also that girls can be brooding and have dark backgrounds that impact them as well. Their banter at times is adorable, their friendship wholesome despite some moments where Elle storms out.
Now there are some grammatical/punctuation errors. There are quiet a few run on sentences along with weirdly worded sentences. There are many missing commas. Also, if the dialogue ends without a dialogue tag but rather with some sort of action - like shrugging of shoulders - then the last sentence for the dialogue ends like a normal sentence, the first letter of the next word capitalized like a normal sentence. There were also some instances where you needed to show rather than tell.
I do hope this helps you any, sorry about it being so long. I do like this story so far, can't wait to read more and see their friendship develop into a possible romance. You're a good writer. You're doing good and should be proud. Keep writing!

The Difference of a Letter

Okay, this story is so cute so far. Alisha and Mia's friendship seems so wholesome and overall real. It felt like a real friendship, their conversations relatable. I'm curious to see where Mia and Puppy's friendship goes. They seem to have an almost immediate connection. Maybe even a little flirty at times. You mentioned in the author's note tackling the issue of suicide, I wonder how it factors in to their friendship or if it isn't between Mia and Puppy. I also wonder why Jayden despises his sister, hopefully their relationship gets better since they sound like they used to be close. I've just started reading but I know I'll read all the way, can't wait to find out what happens.
Besides a few minor errors like missing commas and misdone ellipses, your technical writing is spot on. You're such a talented writer!

The Difference of a Letter

Okay, this story is so cute so far. Alisha and Mia's friendship seems so wholesome and overall real. It felt like a real friendship, their conversations relatable. I'm curious to see where Mia and Puppy's friendship goes. They seem to have an almost immediate connection. Maybe even a little flirty at times. You mentioned in the author's note tackling the issue of suicide, I wonder how it factors in to their friendship or if it isn't between Mia and Puppy. I also wonder why Jayden despises his sister, hopefully their relationship gets better since they sound like they used to be close. I've just started reading but I know I'll read all the way, can't wait to find out what happens.
Besides a few minor errors like missing commas and misdone ellipses, your technical writing is spot on. You're such a talented writer!

Amazing!!

Okay I am totally hooked. Your prologue is so well written and gripping. The clifthangee involving Hysteria was so well crafted and left enough suspense for the reader to want to read on and was believable, not out of left field. The way you wove this together was almost poetic, your vocabulary superb. There was a sentence or two that could be worded better, but your technical writing was spot on.
A tip with the blurb, try not to make it so bunched. That much dialogue with no spaces/ that long of an intro with no spaces can get confusing, so maybe add some breaks there because it can confuse readers.
I do hope this helps. Your story is so amazing and I can't wait for the next update. You're an awesome writer. Keep writing!!

Spine Chillingly Awesome

I love this story so far. The details are amazing, so well crafted. The scenes involving her friend during the turning raised the hairs on my air, sending chills up my spine. It was so intense and well written. Especially her own turning, it was freaky but that's when you know how good it is. The concept is so unique, very interesting.
There were some punctuation errors, namely missing commas. Before a conjunction like 'but' or 'and', there is supposed to be a comma. Also, with dialogue, when the dialogue ends, it is supposed to end with a comma unless the final sentence ends with a question mark or exclamation mark.
Other than that, your story is incredible. You are such a talented writer. I can't wait for more. Keep writing!

Love, love, love this!

Oh my gosh, I know this story has just started but I already love this story. The love story between Xander and the dancer is going to be boundary breaking. It'll show love has no bounds. I can tell this is going to be such a beautiful story. The story flows in such a poetic form, the descriptions so unique and amazing. Can't wait for more!

Yuki Yuki

This is such a cute story so far. It reminds me of an anime from the names and even some of the dialogue. The concept of trying to fit in during high school, along with also adapting to change is something many people, especially people on here, can relate to.
Now, there are quite a bit of grammatical/punctuation errors. When referencing the name of a long text like book, movie, video game, play etc. you need to put it italics. There were a number of missing commas. When ending a piece of dialogue, there needs to be a comma unless the sentence ends with a question mark or exclamation point. Also, detail is your best friend. Especially if you have a lot of characters, and introduce them all at once. Try adding some descriptions about the characters, like how they look, it helps the readers keep them straight. Also try and add more detail as a whole. It'll help engage readers and build an image in their heads.
Sorry for the long review, but I do hope it helps any. You've got a good story here so far. Keep up the good work! Keep writing!

Another High School Love Story

This story has great promise. A rather unique take on the high school trope of mortal enemies teaming up for a school project - usually involving some sort of family/health class - and then they eventually put aside their differences, leading to a friendship while many turn into relationships. The names for your characters are quite unique, and your diversity shown among the characters is more representative to how a high school is. The rival schools reminds me of classic rivalries such as Soches vs Greasers in the Outsiders. I'm curious to see how this all ends up playing out. Also, the spelling bee war was extremely unique and so so funny. Unlike anything I've seen in a fictional fight. Your narrative was well done in the aspect of capturing your characters' unique voices through the narrative, especially some of the wittiness weaved in. It does feel like Chase and Blaze were telling this story to the readers.
Now, there were quite a few grammatical/punctuational issues. Mostly missing commas where there needed to be. Missing commas can change the meaning of a sentence whether you meant to or not. Not all of the issues were distracting but there was some. Grammarly is a good free tool, and I've heard it helps. Or try inserting your chapter into a Word Document, they are good at catching various issues. Also, try and add more detail/action verbs and nouns. Detail helps bring your story to life and immerse your reading into the character's world. Using some of the same words or 'bland' words over and over do not do much for the reader. Like in the fight scene, it really needed some more detail/action verbs to really spice it up and bring the scene to life. The dialogue certainly helped, but can't bring a scene to life by itself. Using words like 'punched', 'kicked' or even 'lacerated' can really help with a scene like that. Also, most private schools do not tolerate fighting, especially five in a row. If Chase is on scholarship, why haven't they threatened to invoke it if he didn't shape up? Kinda striked me as odd.
You've got extreme promise as a writer, and i really do hope this helped any. Sorry for the storybook review, but i do hope it helps any. You've got a great story brewing, and your abilites as a writer can only go up. Keep writing!

The Relic Huntress

I've really enjoyed this story so far. Through the first five or so chapters you've displayed the characters as not only memorable individuals but have also started the character growth as well. The humor you have sprinkled throughout the story, even in the prologue between Lucinda and the boy down the way, was so well placed and didn't distract from the overall seriousness of the surrounding plotline. You really have a grasp on Lucinda's narrative voice, and her interactions with different characters really speak volumes about her. I'll definitely be reading on until the end, can't wait to see how this all plays out with the Hunter and even the monster shown in her dream. There were some technical errors but nothing too distracting. Can't wait to read more. You're doing a great job. Keep writing!

Drake

I really like this story so far. The descriptions weave and flow so well, the dialogue unique to each individual to the point they jump off the page. I also like the use of third person to show the action from other character's perspectives rather than head jumping first person. Everything flows with ease, doesn't feel choppy at all. And your chapter lengths may be a little short for some, but it works so well with the high paced action scenes from the torture scene for the werewolf to the scene with Drake, Lyn and Ana. The places you can go with the plot seem open ended, and I'll definitely be reading on to see what happens. This story has obviously been well plotted and thought out. There were some grammar/punctuation mistakes though. Your writer skills are great! Keep writing!

Drake

I really like this story so far. The descriptions weave and flow so well, the dialogue unique to each individual to the point they jump off the page. I also like the use of third person to show the action from other character's perspectives rather than head jumping first person. Everything flows with ease, doesn't feel choppy at all. And your chapter lengths may be a little short for some, but it works so well with the high paced action scenes from the torture scene for the werewolf to the scene with Drake, Lyn and Ana. The places you can go with the plot seem open ended, and I'll definitely be reading on to see what happens. This story has obviously been well plotted and thought out. There were some grammar/punctuation mistakes though. Your writer skills are great! Keep writing!

I am Kasper

Okay, this book might be one of my favorites I've found on Inkitt so far. The emotions seeping from Kasper's words are so raw, so real. You can really feel how he does. And even feel for him with how shittily everyone treats him. He seems like such a sweet guy from how he treats the bird and even his interactions with Terra and her mother. I was cheering for him when he stood up for himself to the teacher when it came to failing him over being colorblind. Even the poems are superb. They add depth to the overall emotions and an extra look into his emotions and his character overall. Also, nice touch with the kitten comparison plus how his family dyanmic is similar to that in the animal kingdom. Will be reading until the end, cheering for Kasper. You are such a talented writer. Keep writing!

I am Kasper

Okay, this book might be one of my favorites I've found on Inkitt so far. The emotions seeping from Kasper's words are so raw, so real. You can really feel how he does. And even feel for him with how shittily everyone treats him. He seems like such a sweet guy from how he treats the bird and even his interactions with Terra and her mother. I was cheering for him when he stood up for himself to the teacher when it came to failing him over being colorblind. Even the poems are superb. They add depth to the overall emotions and an extra look into his emotions and his character overall. Also, nice touch with the kitten comparison plus how his family dyanmic is similar to that in the animal kingdom. Will be reading until the end, cheering for Kasper. You are such a talented writer. Keep writing!

I am Kasper

Okay, this book might be one of my favorites I've found on Inkitt so far. The emotions seeping from Kasper's words are so raw, so real. You can really feel how he does. And even feel for him with how shittily everyone treats him. He seems like such a sweet guy from how he treats the bird and even his interactions with Terra and her mother. I was cheering for him when he stood up for himself to the teacher when it came to failing him over being colorblind. Even the poems are superb. They add depth to the overall emotions and an extra look into his emotions and his character overall. Also, nice touch with the kitten comparison plus how his family dyanmic is similar to that in the animal kingdom. Will be reading until the end, cheering for Kasper. You are such a talented writer. Keep writing!

Back for You

Sorry it took me a little while to review it, got a little busy.
The concept of this story is unique, especially with what mafia books I've checked out before. Gone is the good girl who stumbles upon the bad boy who's secretly apart of the mafia, and instead is a powerful as fuck girl who doesn't take any shit, the powerful boss and owner of a hot club in New York City. In the place of a good girl is two boys back in town, old friends of Kylie. Alex is the "good boy you'd take back to Mom" the one who desires a relationship while Jackson, or Jax, would rather fuck any girl, but none of them takes the place of Kylie it seems like. I really have enjoyed this new spin with flashes of badass and girl power.
Now, there are quite a bit of grammatical errors, mostly missing commas. It's a first draft, to be expected. Maybe consult Grammarly, it has a free package and from what I heard works well. Also, there are some moments where paragraphs need to be broken up but haven't. And there seemed to be thoughts woven in with a narrative, but seemed to get confused and mixed it. Perhaps use italics to seperate it so it doesn't confuse the readers. And there were some confusing sentences, but doesn't distract too much. Try and show a little more, not tell.

But I really do like the story so far and really can't wait to read on. There's so much you can do with this story. I'm excited to see where you take it. Hope this helps any, and I'm sorry the review is so long. But you're a great author. Cant wait to read more. Keep up the good work! Keep writing!

Love and Rule

I haven't read many stories like this before but I can thoroughly say I have enjoyed yours so far. Through your development of Aurora's narrative voice, you have really shown not only how prim and proper she is, but also how strong and independent she is. Your details are exquisite, very well developed. I can picture each section of her room and castle and every bit of scenery. The characters come alive off the page. Each are well thought out, and even have i individual tones one can immediately recognize. Your vocabulary is out of this world. There were some errors in grammar and such, but nothing really distracting. It's a first draft, to be expected. Can't wait to read more of your story. You've really got talent as an author. I can see this book going places. Keep writing!

The Power of Knowledge

May I say this story is literally amazing. The writing style and author's voice matches well with the old timey King/Queen classification system and the dictatorship of the country. The way they treat the charmed is a unique take on the true events of how the 'undesierables' were treated back all those hundreds of years ago -- slightly reminiscent of how the witches of salem were put to death because they were different and viewed as a threat. The higher class and even classified at times as old style diction elevates the time period, helping with the overall immersion of traveling back in time. Even down to Sophie's mother's view of powerful women go with the time period since men back then were valued more over women. There were only a few errors but it's a first draft, to be expected and okay. They don't detract from the meaning at all. I can not wait to read more about Allegra" Sophie and Harden (I hope I spelled his name right). Each character's individual personality shines bright. Their dialogue is unique, so much so if there were no dialogue tags, one would immediately know who was speaking. Each character is loveable in their own way, and I can't wait to read more about their journey. Whether Allegra's charm grows. Whether Sophie realizes exactly how useful her charm is. And if Harden stays this sassy and funny. Your comedic timing is also impeccable. Congrats on creating such an amazing story. Can't wait to read on. You've got a real talent for writing. Keep it up! Keep writing!

Soul Theory

Your story is full of promise. The plot is extremely unique, and very interesting. It's intriguing me to find out what happens with Shina and what Death really has planned for her. Her friendship with Machta seems so wholesome so far, and I do hope nothing breaks up their friendship.
Now, there is quite a bit of punctuation and grammatical errors plus sentence structure errors. It's to be expected in a first draft. Drafts aren't meant to be perfect. An ellipse is three dots usually appearing like '...' Or '. . .' not two dots. It's three. But with an ellipse, they are used to show breaks in dialogue or narrative, and also shouldn't be used very often. Also, if you want to show a break or pause or drifting of speech when concerning a question at the end, just put the question mark without trying an ellipse before it. That's something I've learned. Also, if you're trying to emphasize something, it also works putting it in its own paragraph. That puts extra emphasis, showing the reader that it must be important because it's by itself. But also there are other ways to show trailing of speech or other things like that by putting emphasis on other words by italicing them. Also, an exclamation mark is another tool to be used sparingly. Let your words do the talking for you, and add action, description and dialogue tags to help emphasize it. In a dialogue, from what I've learned, it's recommended to use one exclamation mark if your dialogue requires it like a shouting match or somethibg along those lines. Also, there are some missing commas and some of the ways a few of your sentences were structured created some confusion in your meaning. There were quite a few run on sentences and paragraphs improperly broken up. A good tool is Grammarly, there is a free package and it from what I heard from others is very helpful. Another tip is to contact an editor to help you through the editing process.
Also, try to show more than tell. There are very good sections of showing rather than telling, a nod to your talent as an author. Don't tell us she is mad, show us through her actions and emotions. First person narrative is a good tool to show your MCs emotions and growth throughout. Another thing, when your MC is thinking, break it off through italics or something like that because it got confusing at times.
This is a first draft, and a good one at that. Full of promise. Drafts aren't going to be perfect, and that is okay. The only place you can go from here is up, and you've got a good story ready to go up. Your plot and characters are compelling and unique. Also, the cover reminds me some of an anime style, and the way you've described Death is amazing. I can so see this as being an anime or even a movie one day. Can't wait to read more. Sorry for writing a book for the review but I do hope it helps any. You've got talent. Keep up the good work! Keep writing!

A Promising Start

This story is so full of promise. And you do have some talent as a writer. Carter's character reminds me a good deal of Harden from After and Noah Flynn from The Kissing Booth. His side comments about her strike me though, since it appears to be building to them going into a relationship. I do applaud how this story is taking a slow, natural approach to their relationship since they started out as enemies and in real life they won't jump to friends. Maybe friends with benefits, but not friends. The progression through a lot of it feels real, and the characters are very believable at times. Especially Taylor. She breaks the mold usually used for female protagonist in where she is this pristine golden girl who's never had sex, and looks bad upon those who are rumored to. I also like the diversity shown between your characters so far since not everyone is straight in real life, or even in a single friend group. Some of the struggles shown - like with Jake's struggle with coming out and doing so on his own terms - is like what many high schoolers around the world struggle with. Many can relate to some of their struggles. But what seemed random was the two uses of third person when the entire story is done in first. It can work if it's consistent and not twice. Your side relationships like between Caleb and Jake are progressing, and have been done well. I do stand by the belief that building a strong and believable side relationships show how strong an author is and can be. However, this is more my opinion, I do not see how Carter can say all the things he does to her and then kiss her. I get the enemies thing, but some of the things he says are cruel. I would like to see a potential arc for him, and then if your goal is to hook them up, which it seems like it is, then it would seem a little more believable as such.
There are quite a bit of grammatical and punctuation issues. Mostly with missing commas and too many run on sentences. There are also some missplaced commas. And some of the sentence structure creates some potential misscommunication and confusion. A good tool is Grammarly, which has a free option, or get an editor who can help you with the editing process. Another thing, try to show more rather than tell. There is some good instances of showing, but detail is your friend when you write. Try to add more detail surrounding apperance of the characters and even feelings and setting. There were quite a few telling sentences that were choppy and created more confusion than actual detail. Also, some of your events lacked build up, which created more of a feeling it was plucked out of thin air. It can be fixed in editing. It's a first draft, there will be errors and it's okay.
I absolutely will read on, and can't wait for your next update. I hope Taylor gets the ending she deserves along with the rest of her friends like Capeb, Chris, Jake, Ben, Cass, Sarah and even her frenemy Carter. You've got some talent as a writer and you can only go up from here. Sorry I wrote a book for the review, oops, but i do hope it helped and was informative. Keep up the good work! Keep writing!

Beautiful Lies

This story reminds me a lot of the structure of Pretty Little Liars in the fact the group of girls follows their leader, both girls whose first name begins with a bold letter A, and rule the school. Addison, quite like her counterpart Alison DiLaurentis, both rule with an iron fist and uses her friends' secrets to their advantage. Unlike the book series Pretty Little Liars, you see the leaders soft side, and in fact she is more similar to her ragtag group of friends than they suspect. My question is: you allude to them being freshmen in high school, but it seemed like you referenced to them possibly driving a car? I don't know about other places, but where I'm from you need to be sixteen to get your license. It could have been a mistake, I don't know. Also, Addison's conversation with the principal about physical education felt a little off. Maybe add a little more detail surrounding tones and actions perhaps. There were some instances where you might need to show more rather than tell, along with a few grammatical errors. But it's a really good story so far, I'll definitely be reading on. Can't wait to see more of the potential mystery aspect of it all it feels like you allude to a little. Keep writing!

Good Start

This is a very good and promising start, especially considering English may not be your first language. There is some elevated vocabulary, some of it missused at times, but trying, making mistales and then learning from them is how you grow as a writer and also as a person too. The names Ray and Dark are definitely unique, like many before me have stated. And they seem a little bit like an oxymoron in the sense Ray seems to have suffered from a brutal past and Dark is like her Ray of sunshine, her savior. Your plot is unique with some hints at this being a story about someone being saved. I applaud you on that, will help you garner more reads. One can feel the emotion at times, but others it is lacking at times. Bringing the emotion comes with experience, but the fact you can do it early on is a step in the right direction. I do like your story so far. It however is very rushed. A person who suffered at the hands of others in the past and has a traumatic history won't trust someone very easily. But a rushed plot can detract and confuse readers. Learning pacing comes with experience, like most things do. Grammar, punctuation and word choice does need improvement. Grammarly and asking an editor for help will improve it. English is a hard language to learn, and the fact you've been able to write a story with some diversity in your word choice is good. Another thing, try show rather than tell. Show the readers how this person is feeling, show them what they're doing. And also try to use more description of how they look, where they're at and other things like that. It helps develop the story and plot but also your voice as a writer. But helps give your story life. Another thing to keep in mind, try and use more descriptive verbs, it helps lessen the amount of words which can confuse readers at times, but it helps build the image in one's head.
I hope my tips and suggestions help. You've got a great story, and some talent that will grow with experience and time. You're doing good so far. Keep it up! Keep writing!

Amazing!

I absolutely love this story. From the first page, I found myself hooked in, and kept reading and reading. This story is so delicately written with such poise, it flows like a ballroom dance. Everything is so well described and paints a picture in the readers head. Your writing style is so unique. Like a letter the recipient will never read. The emotion is so raw. Even the splatter of mystery surrounding it all from what happened with her parents to what broke them up is so intricate and gone over in such a way it feels real, and not forced like some stories tend to be. Your characters jump off the page. I love this story. There were some issues with missing commas and commas being placed in the wrong spots, but it isn't too distracting. You're an immensely talented writer, and I can't wait to read more. Keep writing!

Candyland

Through only one chapter, you've been able to create so much suspense and horror. It's astonishing and i applaud you. You've really got a graspe at writing this genre, and your writing in general is really really great. There were quite a bit of errors like missing commas, extra/repeating words and random capitalized letters. Nothing a proofread or using an editor/editing service won't fix. And it's not overly distracting. Some of the thoughts weren't clearly identified and blended with the text, however. Your story is incredible so far, and I'll definitely keep reading. You've got some serious talent as a writer. Keep writing!

Lucy & Miles

From what I've read, it's interesting. You don't usually see these types of stories on Inkitt, so it'll stand out among the rest. There were some grammatical/spelling errors, but nothing a quick once over won't fix. Some of the chapter endings appear too abrupt, and at some points there is a little too much telling rather than showing. Just a little suggestion. But i have enjoyed your story so far. You're doing a great job so far. Keep writing!

Calypso is a Badass

This story is so unique and intriguing. Starting in the middle of the action is an excellent way to pull the reader in, and effectively string them along for the impending ride. Calypso already is forming into a force to be reckoned with, a pure sassy badass people can't help but to root for. Her training is already evident, and I can not wait to keep reading. A note, while you do use detail quite well, maybe add a little more. Like concerning the characters and use a little more descriptive verbs at times, using the same words multiple times in a short period can get repetitive. This was only really a concern in the first chapter, the rest your descriptions and actions were spot on. Just a suggestion tho, sorry if it sounds a little confusing. I love you story so far and can't wait to read more. You've got a great story so far. Keep writing!

Calypso is a Badass

This story is so unique and intriguing. Starting in the middle of the action is an excellent way to pull the reader in, and effectively string them along for the impending ride. Calypso already is forming into a force to be reckoned with, a pure sassy badass people can't help but to root for. Her training is already evident, and I can not wait to keep reading. A note, while you do use detail quite well, maybe add a little more. Like concerning the characters and use a little more descriptive verbs at times, using the same words multiple times in a short period can get repetitive. This was only really a concern in the first chapter, the rest your descriptions and actions were spot on. Just a suggestion tho, sorry if it sounds a little confusing. I love you story so far and can't wait to read more. You've got a great story so far. Keep writing!

Tormented

I know the story just started but I am already so hooked, and ready for more chapters to be released. Curious to see why Salem doesn't practice magic anymore, and also why she isolates herself from the people around her. Can't wait to see how her relationship whether be romantic or friendship with Leo pans out. You're doing such a good job, Cora. Your ability to write is superb. Just a tip, try to use more action verbs. Some of the places where there is an 'are' or 'had' can work just as good or better when the verb is by itself. Can't wait for you to publish more. Keep writing!

The Lost Pearl

This story shows a lot of promise so far. The characters and plot do seem unique. I don't read a lot of werewolf stories, but from what I have read, this is definitely different and unqiue. I applaud you on that. Having a unique story is a step in the right direction in attracting a lot of readers. From what I have read, there is quite a bit of grammatical, punctuation and other errors like that. Like when finishing dialogue, use a comma unless the punctuation for the final sentence is an exclamation point or question mark when followed by a dialogue tag. And using a quote inside dialogue uses the singular ' not the double dialogue one (forgot what it was called, I apologize) I suggest maybe using Grammarly or contacting someone to help you edit. Another tip, try showing more rather than telling. Developing a writing style can be difficult, but a tip is to analyze your favorite writers style and incorporate what you like about their style into yours to develop a unique style all your own. Also, nice hint of humor woven in there. You're doing a good job so far, and have crafted a good start to a story. Keep writing! You got this!

Hidden

This seems like a fresh take on the teen fiction, werewolf trope. The descriptions littered with hints surrounding both Cristi's and possibly even Jason's identity add a mystque to it all. A good use of foreshadowing in your descriptions. Some of your descriptions are choppy at times, some even boarderline run on sentences which lead to confusion. An over use of commas in certain areas disrupt the flow and can even hinder your meaning. Try and show a little more rather than tell in some areas. Just a few tips, but I think it's a great story so far. I also think you have talent as a writer. Aside from a few grammatical errors, nothing a quick edit can't fix. You're doing great. Keep writing! Can't wait to read more.

My Cupcake

With only the prologue and first chapter up, I can tell this is going to be an interesting and possibly phenomenal story. The way you write flows so naturally, and is easy to read and decipher what you mean. Emotions lace the words, crafting an even better story through it. There are a few instances of run-on sentences, but nothing too distracting. You've got a new reader. Can't wait for the next update. You're a great writer. Keep writing!

Pride and Promise

While I havent read many stories like this before, I find myself intrigued to read on after each chapter. Your narrative voice with first person really captures your heroine, Evelyn's voice quitr nicely. Your characters each seem to have carefully crafted personalities. There are a few grammatical errors and other errors like that, but it's nothing a quick once over look won't fix. It isn't that distracting though. A tip: try to show more than tell. Don't just tell us as the reader a character is such a way, but prove it also through dialogue and actions. Elaborate a bit on your descriptions at certain parts can help with that. Your story is full of promise and very good. Can't wait to read more. You've got talent. Keep writing!

Above and Beyond

I was going to try and comment every chapter but I got so absorbed in reading it that chapters flew by before my eye. This story is so intriguing and I've really enjoyed it so far. The premise seems to possibly set up a love triangle between her childhood best friend and her professor (possiblyly, it's what ive picked up on so far) but I've never read a story diving so deep into her college major narrative or one involved with psychology. I love the story so fat, and youve obviously planned it meticulously, which I applaud. There were some punctuation issues, which is nothing distracting, just needs a quick once over. You're an amazingly talented writer, and I can't wait to read more. Keep writing!

Absolutely Hooked

Everything about this story feels so real. The emotions between the characters and also the dialogue. The characters are already developing and are already jumping off the page, a huge applause to you. There are a few grammatical errors but nothing too distracting. I am hooked already and can't wait to read more. Keep writing! Youre doing awesome

The Lost Queen

This story is awesome so far! The details are so beautifully written. There's a sense of mystery so far, and it compels me to read on. Your characters are written so well and just jump off the page. They feel real. Definitely going to read more by you. Keep writing! You're doing great

Uncontrollable

Such an intriguing start. The way you describe things inserts the reader into the story, one can feel the suspense and fear the MC does. I can not wait for the third chapter to be released. Definitely going to read on. Keep up the good work, you're talented!

So addicting

This book is so addicting. From the first read, I couldn't stop reading and knew this is amazing. It reminds me so much of the TV show Friends. Each character is so unique and jump off the page. I love this book. The author gas done an amazing job with this story!

The Assassin's Beast

Your story seems really good so far. It does need some editing, mainly fix some of the run on sentences, but it's not very distracting. I'm curious to see where this goes and it's very intriguing as well. I haven't read many books like this before, but I have enjoyed yours. A suggestion, maybe add some more details in your description. Details are one of your best friends in writing. But you're doing great! Keep writing!

It's Not All Roses

It is interesting so far. I do reccomend going back and doing a bit of editing for grammar, punctuation and other things of that nature. And maybe add some more detail like how the characters look or even their surroundings and other things like that. Your story is moving in the right direction and I'm curious to see how the party plays out since Alexander won't know Cassandra is there. You're doing great, keep writing!

The Broken Pieces

I'm curious to see how this plays out. I like how you've already given the reader a look both into her past and present. It shows that people can overcome or move on from their past even if it still haunts them. Your flashback was expertly shown, but there were some tense issues along with some grammatical/spelling issues. That can easily be fixed with some editing, nothing too distracting. Can't wait to see how this plays out, you're doing great so far. Keep writing!

Who Are You?

Your story is amazing so far. I'm only a few chapters in so far but the way you describe things so effortlessly and how the scenes flow together so naturally is amazing. Haize seems like the perfect boyfriend and Mr. Moon is so mysterious and caring. I really hope Mona quits her job, she deserves so much better than that. I'll definitely continue reading, and really enjoy the story so much. You're doing awesome, keep writing!

Unspoken Love

I haven't gotten very far in the story yet but I'm already hooked. Destiny and Damien's Point of Views are so contrasting but they work so well. Both already have such well developed narratives and tone despite not being very far along in the story. You hook the readers in with the characters and the descriptions, but also the cliffhangers and questions woven in with each chapter and narrative change. I can't wait to read on and finish the book during my free time! I'd definitely check out more books you've written. You're doing a great job. Keep writing!

Elementress

This is a good start. The plot is unique and it seems like it's heading in an interesting direction. I know you mentioned there are grammatical issues in your author's note, and it does need a proofread or editor or something like that. There are quite a few run-on sentences strung together with commas along with letters needing to be capitalized and other things like that. Another tip, try to show more rather than tell. It helps immerse the reader into the story. Also, detail should be your friend. And you could benefit from more detail. You're doing good with it, but there could definitely be alot more. Again, to show the readers what's going on and to help build a picture in their head. Some of the dialogue does feel forced as well. But, you've got a good story on your hands. Ive enjoyed it so far. You're doing good. Keep writing!

Always You

Ugh, I love this story so far. I haven't got far, but I can definitely see myself reading on and finishing the book. The way you write is so melodic and poetic, with such gentle, amazing descriptions that paint a picture rather than just a scene. I can definitely see this being a tear jerker. There were some grammatical errors and other technical errors but a proofread would fix it, no biggie. You've got a great story here and I cant wait to read on! Keep writing!

Let Me Hate You

The story is interesting, and I am curious as to what direction the story is going. There are quiet a few punctuation and grammatical errors, however. Nothing a quick proofread or edit can't fix. I'm curious to see if Raina and her sister are not one in the same, I could just be overthinking it, but it makes sense to me. You're doing a great job with your story! Keep writing!

Awesome!!

You're so talented sis!! I love the story so far and can't wait to read more. It's so full of suspense. Its gripping from the first sentence. You're plot is creative. I really cant wait to read more. Awesome job!

My Valerie

I really like the story so far. Well written and your characters just jump off the screen thanks to your knack for narrative and creating dialogue. I can't wait to read more and find out more about the characters like Adrien and Valarie. There were some punctuation errors but nothing a quick proofread can't fix. Can't wait to read on. You're a great writer. Keep writing!

An Expedition of Love

I really like your novel so far. It's a really great start with an equally creative and unique idea. Never have I read a story about a female - or male - archeologist. Your characters jump off the page and you can tell who is talking simply by their personality in their speech. There are a few grammatical errors, but that can easily be fixed by a quick proofread. Overall, I've enjoyed your story so far and will definitely continue reading. You're doing great. Keep writing!

My Best Friend Loves Me

I've just started this book, but I already love it. So much drama already, which leaves me so interested as to what will come from it. Is Adam as jealous of Eric entering the picture as he seems? Will he suck it up and tell Addie how he feels before it's too late? Ugh, I can't wait to keep reading. Theres quite a few grammar, punctuation and spelling mistakes, but nothing too distracting. A quick proofread or edit will clear it up. You're doing a great job! Keep writing!

The Bitter Pill

I haven't gotten very far in the story but I like it so far. There were a few errors in punctuation and spelling and other things, but its nothing some proofreading won't fix. I really like this unique idea a lot, haven't seen a story like this and what I've read so far leaves me intrigued and wanting to continue. Will definitely finish this story and reccomend it. You're a great writer. Keep writing!

Her Hope

I really think a story like this is lacking in society. This is a real story about real struggle and you don't see many of these around on both online reading sites and even in bookstores - at least when I've looked. I've really enjoyed the story so far and I know I'll continue reading until the end. There were some grammatical and punctuation errors. Good story so far! Keep writing!

I love this book

I'm only a few chapters in but I love the book so far and would definitely recommend this book to anyone. I cant wait to keep reading and finish the book. There were a few technical errors, and a suggestion would be to switch paragraphs when someone new starts talking to help with flow and eliminate any potential confusion in who's speaking. You're an extremely talented writer and I can't wait to read more! Keep writing!

Devilish Secrets

I think this story has the potential to be great. The idea and plot definitely is creative and the beginning really lures the reader in to keep on reading. I can't wait to read more. There are some grammatical and other errors of that nature which can go away with some editing. Maybe add some more details and there are some issues with paragraph spacing but other than that, good start! Keep writing!

Holy Shit!!

Okay, I really only have one thing to say but holy shit! This novel is a masterpiece. Yes, there were a few grammatical/spelling errors but it does not detract from the story in the slightest. It reads like an old school mystery novel, like the character is from that time period, writing this story for the modern times. From the actions, to the speech and word choice, it reads like an old school mystery novel. You are a fantastic author and I can not wait to read more of the story. Keep writing!

Brimstone

I'm about to start chapter 5 and I already love this story. I can not wait to read on and see how this all folds. I do like how she's supposed to be all powerful yet people do not already fall at her feet because it, to me, is more unique and allows room for her to grow. I'm really excited to see how the relationship between Gabriel and Kas grows and evolves throughout the story since they already seem to click so well. You're an amazing writer. Keep up the good work!

My Past and Present

The plot is definitely interesting (btw her and Collin are who I ship in the story, sorry but Dave is kinda a douche as of rn) and the way you've structured your story reminds me of a script especially with the dialogue. There are some grammar, punctuation and spelling issues but nothing some proofreading won't fix. A suggestion, maybe add some more description and action so readers can get a better feel of the characters, setting and stuff like that. Overall, nice story and keep writing!

Its Different

This is definitely different than anything I've read before. I'm curious as to see where you choose to go with this story next. There are a few technical mistakes that can be fixed with a proofread. But a great start, especially for a hobby writer. Keep on writing!

Broken Princess

Your main character, ella, is definitely a strong female protagonist, which is great to see. Definitely breaks the stereotype of men typically being the heir in those type of situations. But your details are choppy and don't entirely flow most of the time and the action/plot at times seems like it comes completely out of left field/doesnt match up to what you have displayed early on and a lot of the dialogue seems forced and not entirely natural. There are quite a few grammatical errors and punctuation errors plus some things that wouldn't fly in the real world New York. But your story seems to have quite the following, which is great. Not really my taste in stories, but keep writing!

Nice

This is a very good start. I really haven't read any stories like this before, but the dialogue seems very realistic like this characters are actually apart of the world. There are some technical errors in punctuation and some sentence structure errors, but that can be fixed with editing. Like you said, it is unedited. One suggestion, maybe add more sensory and emotional details. I know this may sound schoolish, but try and show a little more rather than tell. Your idea is unique and I can't wait to read more and see it unfold. Your book is great so far. Keep writing, you're doing great!

Good Start

I like the beginning of the novel so far. I see where you might plan to go with the story, but I think this could unfold pretty interestingly. There are some instances of punctuation and grammar issues, but nothing is perfect. Some of the sentences and paragraphs doesn't always flow and feels a little choppy to me. Some details feel a little out of place and I also caution against using the same word a few times in a paragraph/sentence because it can feel repetitive/deter some. For a first novel on here and for a beginning, it's a good start and I can't wait to see where you are going with this story.

Awesome

You're characters just jump off the screen. No chapter is ever not important, with every word counting towards some part of the plot, character development or anything. I liked the back and forth point of views with Will and Tristian (I think I spelled that right idk) and how different they are but yet still love the same girl. I can't wait for more updates, definitely going to read until the end.

Blooming Thorns

Your story is off to a good start, especially for your first story. Congratulations for taking the first step by uploading your story, I know it takes a lot of guts and courage. The concept it unique and the mixing of races and religions is refreshing. You began to encapsulate their individual personalities well so far. It could benefit from a quick proofread to fix spelling/grammatical/punctuation and spacing errors. A tip, try to show more than tell. Rather than telling the readers Jungkook is flirting with her, show them by giving him a suggestive dialogue or have him lean close to her or even lock eyes with her. It'll help develop their individual personalities and even give them unique quirks readers can identify/identify with. Also, another tip is to try and develop the scene/setting more through different adjectives and descriptive nouns or even give them scene specific actions. Also, your description gives a little too much away, they can be very hard to master and even I don't always feel It's right and ive been writing for years. They're supposed to be descriptive yet vague and give enough away to entice the reader. Your title is unqiue and seems to fit the story well so far. It's off to a good start so far and you have promise as a writer. Your vocab is elevated at times, which is quite impressive, and I applaud you for attempting to tackle such a serious issue with your first story. With some practice and a little editing, you'll go far. Keep writing!