Prologue
A Police Officer rushed into a hospital making his way to the emergency room. Doctors and nurses knew him well from the frequent visits of detainees he brought into the hospital on a weekly basis. The Officer was on duty that night and despite being trained to remain calm whatever the circumstances, he carried a face of complete despair. He heard over the radio that his wife was involved in a car accident and immediately abandoned everything to come to her aid. His imagination ran bewildered knowing that his wife was eight and a half months pregnant and the fear of losing his first child dreaded him.
Other Officers were already at the scene of the accident, where two vehicles met in a head-on collision. A drunk driver veered into the opposing lane, striking the Officer’s wife. The drunk driver wasn’t wearing his seat belt, causing the steering wheel to break off due to the impact on the driver’s chest. Bent steel, debris, and shattered glass covered the pavement of the suburban road. The airbags inside the other vehicle were deployed but did little to safeguard the officer’s wife and the fragile child she was still carrying inside. She was in a critical state and in danger of losing her child.
The officer was going through the ICU rooms and started feeling nauseated, unsure if it was the air or his desperation. He was halfway through the hall when a nurse approached him and called him out by name, “Officer Estrada, follow me.”
“How is she?” he asked.
She didn’t want to give him the bad news since they were friends and had known the couple for several years, but they were still professionals and sincerity was always appreciated. She told him the severity of the situation, while she was leading him to the waiting room outside.
Estrada was extremely concerned about his wife’s condition and asked, “Our baby, Sofia is almost due. What about our baby?”
“Your wife underwent induced labor and we’re currently operating on her.” Bearing the grief, she wiped her eyes since he was sharing his pain. Sofia was not only her colleague but one of her closest friends. Despite seeing many people injured throughout her career, she always acted courageously and with professionalism, but now she saw a shattered dream from her dear friend and a mother that would have been. “We’re doing the best we can. Stay here please.” She told the officer to wait outside the ICU, but he saw doctors run into an operating room and quickly ran after them. He got a glimpse of his dying wife as the door closed in front of him. Her clothes were covered in blood and his mind went blank overwhelmed by despair. He felt weak in his knees, almost falling unconscious. For an officer who had gone through so many trials of emotional crisis and had particularly seen everything in his line of work, he could not bear the fact that his wife was dying.
Chatter kept coming in through his radio, but Estrada sat down on the floor ignoring all the incoming calls. His friend finally caught up with him to take him outside and teardrops started hitting the floor as the officer could not contain his grief. He turned off his radio as he wiped off his tears.
An hour had passed and the operating light was still on. The officer started growing impatient. “She doesn’t deserve this,” he thought to himself. “Our baby doesn’t deserve this.” Without including the fact that he didn’t deserve it either. He didn’t deserve to have the thing he loves the most be taken away from him.
As time passed, he grew angry and he started questioning God. “Why? WHY??? Why would God allow such a thing?” There was so much hatred building up inside the man. Angry at life, angry at God, and his very faith hanging on a thread.
The squad sergeant came walking into the hospital looking for his officer. Unable to locate the Chaplin, he came by himself to offer console. “How are you holding up?” he asked, but Estrada didn’t say a word, his eyes were red from grief. He continued, “If there is anything I can help you with, just let me know,” feeling as if his words fell on deaf ears.
The officer took a few seconds to react, “Who was the guy who ran into my wife?”
“The driver was a 25-year-old male, D.U.I. He died on the scene.” The Sargent left out the name of the driver to avoid giving him any details which could upset him any further, including the part where they had to use the Jaws of Life to drag his wife out of her vehicle. “Take as much time as you need, I’ll be praying for you.”
“Pray, you say.” Estrada thought to himself but didn’t say a word lowering his head, wrapping his hands over himself. He couldn’t get the last words his sergeant said to him out of his head. “Praying for me… Why would God do this? She doesn’t deserve this…? All because some punk wanted to get drunk and have some fun.” Estrada grew infuriated, he grew ANGRY! And as another hour passed, his despair grew immeasurably as he shed tears on the floor. His wife was dying and there was nothing he could do. “Pray to God, why God?”, “WHY???” he shouted!!!
His shout had called his friend’s attention, who had been attending to his wife. She came out from behind the doorway and found Estrada standing there, breathing heavily against the wall. She escorted him to an empty room and asked him to lay down, where he passed out due to sheer exhaustion.
It was after my turmoil with God, that I found myself in the middle of nothing. As far as I could see, there was nothing more than an illuminating scenery where all the colors were combined as one, but yet it made up a color that I had never seen before. Nor have I ever been here, yet I felt as though I knew the place. This place was unlike any other, despite the nothingness, it was far beyond overwhelming. I somehow knew this had to be limbo. I kept wandering, lost in the pure emptiness when suddenly a figure appeared before me. A man dressed in black approached me and as I took a closer look, I realized that the man was no other than myself.
“You placed all your faith in God and look where you are now,” he said.
Even though I heard him, I kept staring at myself mystified by my own appearance. Unlike my true self, he stood magnificent, radiant, and handsome with incredible physic. His appearance would have been everything I have ever wanted to be, but I wasn’t. I kept staring at him, envying his appearance and ashamed of my own. I saw inside of him pain and suffering, failures and defeat, and all sorts of trials and tribulations that I would have to overcome in order to succeed. Something from inside of me was telling me that I had to defeat my own personal demons, and only then did I realize that the only Devil there is, is the one we are inside.
He stretched out his hand and said to follow him, expecting me to shake his hand. But was he right? I have trusted God for so many years and I found myself in this situation, submerged in all this pain. Pain that neither myself nor my beloved wife deserved.
I took my first step towards him, knowing that he was yet another trial in my life expecting me to give up my faith! I reached out my hand when I heard a deep powerful voice, “Don’t give in!” An order which was called upon me. I turned around to see an Angel! Handsome and magnificent, and his physique and muscularity were also that of human perfection. I stared at him, shook my head and said, “NO!” My wife was dying along with my child. How can you possibly ask me to have faith when there is nothing?
I was about to shake the hand of who I knew was my own personal demon when I was overwhelmed by an immense POWER. A massive energy forced me to crumple and I started to drag myself across the floor in hopes of hiding away from the light. I was scared and terrified, but as odd as it might sound, I felt safe all at the same time. This overwhelming presence made me realize how insignificant I was, I recognized there was a superior power before me, I was among the presence of God! My entire soul was filled with regret, I felt remorse for the things I have done and sorry for the things I haven’t done. At that moment, I knew there was so much more I could have accomplished in my life, and there were dreams and aspirations that were simply put off by mere excuses. Everything I could have been, but I wasn’t, this was the true significance of regret. I crawled away trying to hide from God’s light and God spoke to me. “Stop, for we will help.”
I attempted to look up at the sound of the voice, but my eyes kept drawing away to whatever was beneath me, despite my constant effort to raise my sight. Was it that I wasn’t worthy enough to see the face of God? Or was it sheer fear?
Estrada woke up frightened, his heart was pulsing rapidly and heavily. He sat there with his eyes wide open remembering every detail that had just occurred.
The nurse walked in, “Estrada, I have good news! Your wife is in stable condition. You can see her now.”
“What about the baby?”
“Congratulations,” she smiled, “she’s a girl!”
“I have a girl??? Where is she? Is she ok?”
“She’s ok, but she’s in an incubation unit. Come.” The nurse took him to the nursery and brought him to the incubation unit. The concerned father leaned toward the glass to see his daughter inside, a fragile little thing.
Tears started coming out, “Thank you God, Thank you!”
