CHAPTER 5: LANA
I ran my hand over Sebastian’s sheets on his bed and sighed. I knew I had made him angry, (which I rarely ever happened) and I felt so bad. Not because he wasn’t here now to protect me, but because I knew I’d said something about something he blamed himself for.
“Sammie?” a knock came at the door and I looked up at it like it was some disease that I needed to stay away from, then lay my head back on the pillow and continued to look for random designs in the ceiling. “Baby Girl? Are you awake? I didn’t answer, hoping that my Dad would just go away for a while. My (Sebastian’s) light was still on and I didn’t want to turn it off. I was a little afraid to turn it off.
After seeing what the end result off my room was, all the glass and all my things, all over the floor, scared me. I still didn’t remember what happened but I didn’t want to be in the dark.
I also didn’t want to be alone.
Hence the reason Deric was laying at the foot of my (Sebastian’s) bed after arguing with me to (And failing to) convince me to lay on my back and not my side. I wouldn’t listen. I wouldn’t even acknowledge that he had said anything until he tried to turn me over himself. His punishment, I punched him with my fractured hand (out if instinct) and it hurt so bad I nearly screamed. He glared at me a moment and then realized how much pain I was in and sighed. He left me alone after that, though he tried to turn off the light and leave, but I asked him not to leave me.
“Sam you need-“
“Please.” I breathed as I pushed myself up so I could look at him. “I don’t… I don’t want to be alone… I-I’m scared.”
“Okay.” He sighed and came back over to me and made me lay down, this time he successfully convinced me to lay on my back. I closed my eyes and he stood up. I was about to question where he was going, but he just grabbed something out of a bag and came back over to the bed and sat down on the end of it.
Now, we were both laying down and I knew he wasn’t asleep as he lifted his head to look at me, then the door. The knock came again, but I continued to ignore it.
“Deric?” Dad asked as the door opened and he found us just laying on the bed. He looked at me a moment and then at Deric again. “Sammie, how are you feeling?” I said nothing. I knew it wasn’t right or nice, but I just didn’t wasn’t to talk. “Deric?”
“She’s breathing.” Deric sighed. “She’s just not answering. My guess, she’s upset and doesn’t want to talk. She punched me earlier because I wouldn’t leave her alone…” I smirked a little. “Fractured hand or not, she can pack a good punch.” I closed my eyes and sighed.
“Sammie, how are you feeling?” my Dad inquired of me again.
“Like my head is going to explode, my hand might fall off, my chest had many shards or thousands of needles in it and scared.” I mumbled.
“Why didn’t you tell me that ten minutes ago when I asked you that?” demanded Deric. “How am I supposed to help you, protect you Sam, if you don’t tell me things?” I said nothing once again. “Sam, I actually want an answer to that.”
“I don’t know.” I mumbled.
“She doesn’t know how to react when someone is upset with her.” I sat up quickly and grabbed my chest as I groaned, when I heard Sebastian’s voice at the door. Deric gently grabbed my shoulders and made me lay down again. “She starts by saying something is fine when it’s clearly not, the she just straight up ignores you.” He sat on the bed beside me and slowly lifted my head up off the pillow. He gave me some pills and then made me drink some water to wash them down. I started to cough and turned away as he pulled the glass away from my lips and set it down on the bedside table. “I understand why now.” He stroked my hair out of my face as I looked at him again. He touched my cheek and sighed. “You are burning up Sammie.” I closed my eyes and breathed shakily.
“You… going to stay?”
“If that is what you want.” He answered softly. I nodded and he drew the blanket over me. “Okay.” He lay down beside me and I rolled on my side and curled up against him. “Sammie-“
“It doesn’t hurt as much.” I said quietly, which was a lie, but I didn’t care. I wanted to curl up with my brother and have him hold me and protect me and not be angry with me anymore.
“Okay.” He said softly as he placed his hand over mine, which was against his chest. I flinched away and he let got instantly. “Sorry.”
“I punched Deric.” I shrugged and he looked at me then at Deric and then started laughing. “He wouldn’t leave me alone, so I punched him. That’s why it hurts.”
“You just met him Sam, you shouldn’t be punching him yet.” Dad stated and I looked at him with my brow raised. “And not with that bad hand either. You will mess it up even more.”
“Question.” I looked at Sebastian then at Deric. “Did you two know each other before or was that night real?”
“Real.” Sebastian answered.
“Never met him before in my life.” Sebastian scoffed and I looked at him with a scowl. “The night I walked you home from Gracie’s Book Store was the first time I have ever met him. I actually thought he might kill me for just being there when he showed up… but no. Only James and Tonya knew about me watching after you.” Slowly I nodded and lay my head against Sebastian’s chest again. I yawed and Sebastian rubbed my arm.
“Get some sleep Sammie.” He murmured and kissed my head. “I’m here now so you don’t have to worry.” I smiled and nodded as he stroked my hair and back and arm as I started falling asleep. I was aware that the light was turned off after a moment and the door closed as Deric and Dad walked out, but I was okay with it now that Sebastian was with me, because I knew that Sebastian would protect me no matter what.
No matter what happened, my brother would always be there for me.
“…I’d rather deal with the pain for thirty minutes than have you standing there in the bathroom to make sure that I don’t fall…” I muttered through my teeth as I looked at Deric and Sebastian. “…because those pills in your hand make it nearly impossible to move when they kick in.” Sebastian sighed and dropped his head in his hands as he leaned over in his chair. Deric just watched us with an amused smile that I almost wanted to smack off of him…
If it didn’t make him look so cute right then…
What are you thinking Sam? My thoughts questioned me. He is nearly seven years older than you. There is no way you should be thinking about him like that-
As long as he doesn’t find out, what’s the harm in thinking he is cute or hot or fine or just straight up sexy? Because look at the man. He is gorgeous! I countered my own thoughts and my other side seemed to take that in consideration. One might think that I am weird that I talk to myself, that I answer myself, maybe I have a couple of split personalities or whatever, but sometimes, that was just how I coped. It helped to talk to myself and even think that there is someone talking back to me. It keeps me sane…
That or gives the people around me the thought that I am crazy.
Look at this way. I don’t see another person standing right beside me when I am talking to myself or anything like that. I’m not scitzo or whatever, (no offence to those who are) it is more like a conscience thing. My Jiminy Cricket so to speak, though lots of times it was my hot head side.
Look at that. You confused us. I chuckled to myself and shook my head. Deric looked at me with his brow raised, a smirk still on his face, and Sebastian just looked up with a scowl. I simply scowled at Sebastian acting as if I hadn’t done anything weird at all and I was confused of what he was scowling for.
“What?” I questioned as he looked at Deric and I did to. His smirk grew as Sebastian looked back at me
“Don’t tell me you have gone crazy.” I threw my head back and started laughing, and it hurt, so I had to grab my side and I groaned. I leaned my head back against the wall that I was leaning into and closed my eyes as I clenched my jaw. “That’s it Sammie.” Sebastian grumbled and stood from his chair. “You are taking the medicine. I would rather sit in there with you than to have you hurt yourself.”
“Sit down.” I ordered and he stopped by the door. He looked at me like I was crazy. “Don’t look at me like that Doof. You heard me.” He clenched his jaw and pinched the bridge of his nose between his fingers as if a headache was making its presence known.
“You are taking that medicine Sam, it is final.” He said and before I could answer back, he left the room and I laughed humorlessly.
“Watch me.” I said and slowly got off the bed. I wasn’t hurting quite as bad, but I was definitely soar. I would be for a while, I knew that, but I just couldn’t wait to be able to be better. I walked over to the bathroom and closed the door. I went over to the tub and turned on the hot water and stripped as the room started steaming up. I turned on the cold so that it wouldn’t scald me when I got it, then I turned on the shower and stepped in. I shuddered as the water ran down my body. The cuts burned as water go into them, but I ignored it and just let the water run for a little bit before I actually took my shower.
I walked out of the bathroom as I rubbed the towel over my hair and looked at Deric as he looked up at me from what I could only assume was a sketchbook. He looked at me as he closed the book, leaving the pencil in it to mark his page, and set it on the bed beside him. He watched me as I continued to rub at my hair with the towel and walked over to the window. I looked out over the dark lawn and wondered what it would feel like to not be afraid to go out there at night and walk the woods behind the house like I used to.
“How good are you?” I asked quietly as I looked up at the nearly full moon. Give it two more days and it will be full.
“Excuse me?” he asked and I turned to him. I lowered the towel from my hair as I looked at him and his questioning eyes. I looked at him a moment longer before I gestured to the book at his side.
“Drawing?” I asked. “How good are you?”
“I’d like to think I am decent.” He answered his half smirk came back to his lips. I wished he’d stop doing that.
No you don’t. My thoughts said and I laughed a little at that voice. It was obviously right. There was no way I wanted him to stop doing that little half smirk. It was too cute.
“What?” asked Deric. I raised a brow. “Oh no. You might be able to get away with that acting clueless with Sebastian, but it doesn’t work with me Princess.” I scowled.
“Don’t call me that.” I muttered as I walked back toward the bathroom. “I hear it enough from Terry.”
“Okay.” He said. I turned to him as I hung my towel up on the towel rack. “Now answer my question.” I half smiled and shook my head.
“I speak to voices in my head… well one voice.” I said and his smirk fell. I leaned into the door frame and held my side with my fractured hand as I looked at him quietly a moment, not exactly sure I should go on with what I was saying, but decided I didn’t really care if he thought I was crazy. “I have full conversations with myself… talk a situation through with myself and it helps sometimes… with stress to do that.”
“What…” I looked back at Sebastian and his confused face and then back at Deric, who didn’t look any less confused. “Sammie…” Sebastian couldn’t quite figure out what he wanted to say and then something happened and Deric’s eyes grew wide. Sebastian left quickly as I scowled now.
“Okay?” I looked between Deric and the now empty bedroom doorway. “Now I’m very confused.”
They think we are crazy now. My other voice said and I nodded in agreement. That only made Deric become more confused.
“This may be a weird question… but does your other… voice… have a name?” he asked me and I bit my lip.
Should I tell him? I thought to her.
Might as well. We trust him don’t we? I mean he is protecting us. I considered this. He was. Even if he thought I was crazy and did want to send me straight to the nutt-house, he was here to protect me so he would…
“Sam?” he said.
“Lana.” I whispered and felt a shudder run through my body as I said her name, like saying her name held a power that only it could have. I watched Deric tense up a little, his hand clenching before he relaxed again. I breathed shakily as his eyes met mine and I wandered how his eyes seemed to be more beautiful each time I looked into them.
“I-I call her Lana.” He nodded but never took his eyes from mine. It was like we both didn’t want to move from our spots, but I felt a strong pull to go to him. I wanted to touch him, but I stayed rooted in my spot.
“Lana.” He breathed out. I closed my eyes and let his voice sink in to me before my knees gave out and I hit the ground. I gasped and fell into the wall. He got up quickly and moved over to me. He reached out to help me sit up, but before he touched me he stopped and looked at me a moment before he shook his head and pulled his hands back.
As quickly as that moment (or whatever it was that happened) was there, it was gone and I was left leaning into the wall, breathing hard and trying to control myself, while Deric knelt beside me looking worried, but not really looking at me. I didn’t understand anything that had just happened and I wasn’t sure that I ever would or that I wanted to, all I knew was that I was ready for all the weird and pain to go away. I was ready for normal again.
I needed normal again…