Can't We All Get Along? said No Serial Killer Ever...

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Chapter 22 - Lemonade

The funeral was pretty much an uneventful one that was held for brainless fuckface. There was a long visitation line, but that was mainly for everyone that liked my mom, not dad. I think we stood there for about three hours to get most everyone through the line. One thing I noticed was that mom never cried. Not once, well, not in front of me.

In fact, she never cried about him dying ever. I think that speaks for itself. I was impressed and knew hidden behind that happy, everything was great look on the June Cleaver’s face of my mom, she had been as unhappy as any homemaker with an asshole of a husband could be while he was alive. I was happy to learn that my mom got over $250,000 in life insurance, and even though they couldn’t prove the jack was messed up and operated incorrectly, the company had decided to do the right thing and write her a large check too. I never found out how much that was but I heard some whispers here and there so I think it was pretty big.

Jackpot I thought for mom. Good, she deserved it for having to fuck that loser all those years. She seemed really in a good place now that he was gone and she was smiling all the time and I even heard her whistling in the house and I had never heard her whistle.

We all were in a good place.

Back to that fateful afternoon of the “fire” (ha), I mean accident at my house. There was some grief specialist with the police department that arrived shortly after they cleaned me up as best they could. The sweet heavy set black lady met with me since my mom was out of town. She had her clipboard and I could tell she was trying to be as professional as a 300 pound lady could be. She told me that my father had passed. Of course I had to have a little fun with the lady so I asked her,

What did you say ma’am?”

Your father, he passed.” She said in the sweetest voice.

What do you mean passed? Did he pass gas? Can I just see my dad now?” I said making sure I didn’t laugh.

Poor lady looked so concerned and said,

No, Daniel, your dad is no longer with us.”

I couldn’t help myself,

Well I know that he’s no longer in the garage anymore, so is he in surgery?” I asked.

No son, he died

Finally, she said it...

Oh” I said with a puzzled look on my face. HELLO?? I thought. I did just see his brain lying next to him when I did my perfect slide into home face (yes, I just said home face).

So who’s gonna put the wheels back on the car?” I said accidently out loud. She looked at me a little odd so I continued, “I mean I don’t know how to put them back on and I know my mom doesn’t. What are we going to do?” as I produced a tear quickly and the best lost puppy dog face I could give to the lady.

Again, my theatre training paid off. Thanks mom…

She went on to tell me that I shouldn’t worry about that as it will get taken care of and to come sit with her and have some lemonade and crackers in her car.

So I did. I sat in her vehicle and had lemonade and crackers and realized that my perfect plan for my now dead dad had worked absolutely perfectly.

That was so easy,” I mumbled not realizing I said it out loud.

What was that Daniel?” the lady asked.

Oh, I was just saying that it looked so easy to change the oil and tires and my dad did it all the time so I don’t understand what happened? He does this every month and never would let me help but I would watch.” I stated proudly.

Well Daniel, I don’t know what happened but I know he must have been so proud of you for the young man you have become.” She said nodding her head up and down.

Yea, I thing he was pretty proud of me and I think I surprised him in a way on how clever I had become with different things. Well I hope he was proud of me. I liked surprising him.” I said thinking of the last ultimate surprise I had just given him earlier.

Oh, honey, I know he was” she said in her slow North Carolina draw.

We sat there in silence as we ate some more of the crackers and sipped on the lemonade she had brought. We watched everyone running around here and there in the driveway and my yard. No fire, but it was still pretty cool to see all the emergency personnel shaking their head like they had never seen anything like what they had seen. Memories, it’s all about the memories.

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