Chapter 32: Old lady
As soon as Church ended, Snake and I headed towards the kitchen. He grabbed a couple prospects and put them to work on rearranging the tables and chairs for the big dinner. He looked at what was in the big refrigerator and the walk-in freezer in back, muttering to himself the whole time. After he had taken some things out, we sat down to make a menu. “We only have about four hours to get this going,” I said. “And we need to be able to seat everyone at the same time. The good news is that Kelly said you could make some Island food if you wanted, as long as you remembered not everyone likes their food hot.”
“That works for me. I’m thinking rice and gumbo for the main course.” My mouth started watering, I absolutely LOVED that Creole dish, and his was amazing. “I can make up a huge batch, plus a smaller batch that uses mild sausage and a lot less cayenne pepper. Rice is easy to make in quantity, and we can serve it family style or have them come up and take plates of it and sit down.”
“Are you going to do your famous seafood gumbo?” Made with andouille sausage, shrimp, chicken, crab and fish, my wolf and I both loved it. “Family style would be amazing if we can pull it off,” I said. “It’s so much more social than being served.”
“Ok, so seafood gumbo and rice. I’ll make some chicken tenders and fries for the kids, we have plenty of those to use in the fryer, if they aren’t adventurous. What other stuff should we have?” He was jotting down things on a pad as we talked.
“French bread, fresh baked, we need it to soak up the juices. We can leave it in the sleeves, just lay it on the table as decoration until needed. Then they break off pieces, island style.”
“Potato salad is traditional to serve with gumbo, that’s easy enough to buy at a deli. I don’t have time to make it myself.”
I thought about it, the table needed more color and options. “A garden salad would be nice. The farmer’s market is open, we could get some fresh produce.”
“That’s good, that can be prepared while the gumbo is cooking. What about the cake? I’m not that good at them.”
I just giggled. “Sheri knows a woman who owes her a favor. She can do it, barely, but we had to leave the choices up to her based on what she had available. Sheri said that it will be ‘appropriate’ for the wedding, whatever that means.” He shook his head as he finished the list. Calling the prospects over, he sent one to the farmer’s market and the other to the local Cub Foods. “You might need to ask where this stuff is, if they don’t have enough, go to another store. And hurry up,” he said as he handed them cash for it.
“And DeWalt? You get the tough part.” I looked at him quizzically. “Go tell the bride what we decided, and tell her if she doesn’t agree, it’s White Castles for everyone.”
“Are you sure, baby? She might go for the sliders.”
He just laughed. “I don’t think the crowd is drunk enough for White Castles. Now go on and get back here. There’s prep to be done.”
It took us a while to get comfortable working in the Club kitchen again, having to find where people had put stuff. The day flew by as we laughed and cooked together.
All too soon, Sheri was pulling me out to get ready. “The wedding party is wearing black jeans, white blouses and our cuts,” she said. “Now come on, time for you to shower and get ready. You smell like shrimp.”
An hour later, I was standing in the same room, with the same man I had been with six years ago. The only difference was who was getting married. “Are you nervous?”
He just shifted in his seat. “You weren’t?”
“Of course I was. I have another joke for you.”
I smacked his arm. “At a nursing home a group of senior citizens were sitting around talking about their aches and pains.
“My arms are so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee,” said one.
“My cataracts are so bad I can’t even see my coffee,” replied another.
“I can’t turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck,” said a third.
“My blood pressure pills make me dizzy,” another contributed.
Then there was a short moment of silence.
“Thank God we can still drive,” said one woman cheerfully.”
We both cracked up.
“Figures all the jokes are about my age,” he said. “I’m not too old yet, Kelly can confirm that.”
“Whatever you say, Gramps.” He turned and scowled at me before we both busted out laughing again, and then it was time. I walked him down between the lines of motorcycles, leaving him at the altar as I went to sit in the front row next to Snake. His motorcycle was parked behind the podium. Crash was standing in the center, an issue of Easy Rider magazine in his hand instead of a bible, and a weird smile on his face. The music changed, “Another One Bites the Dust” changed over to Daft Punk’s “One More Time.” Teri and Taser walked down the aisle, escorted by Hammer and Rocket. They took their spots in the front, then we heard the first bikes rev up as Kelly reached the aisle.
She looked great, thigh-high stockings and garters, white heels, a white lace dress and her cut. Dagger was walking her down the aisle, each few steps marked by another pair of bikes starting. When she got to the front, the engines revved before being cut on Crash’s signal. He gave them a minute to take their seats before he started. “Dearly beloved, clearly we haven’t learned anything from the last time,” he started. “We are here today to join Viper and Kelly in the bonds of no-shit matrimony. I’m happy to see we have plenty of Ensure on hand and a doctor in the house, since the groom is old enough to remember when Harley met Davidson.”
“Watch it, boy,” Viper warned.
“I’d give them the usual warnings, but both have been married before so they know all that sex is going to stop after a year or so. They won’t listen anyway. I can smell the food already, so let’s just move on the part where they pledge their eternal devotion to each other, yadda yadda, you know the drill. The rings please.” He was handed the pair and held them up. “The rings symbolize the unending love and bond between these two, that’s what you’re told at the jeweler. We all know they exist to keep assholes from hitting on his old lady, and skanks from hitting on her old man. Not that it was a big deal, until they finally hooked up they were getting as much action as DeWalt’s motorcycle.” I cringed inside, but I was laughing. “It also means they can stop sneaking around and grope each other openly, at the dinner table, like respectable bikers.”
“I’m getting hungry, Crash, get to the molesting part!” I laughed as Kelly pushed him to move on.
He handed Viper a ring. “You ready to give up all future skanks for this one?”
“I promise to love, protect and care for you as my Old Lady,” Viper said as he put the ring on her finger. “You’re mine, and I’ll treat you right.”
He then held out the other ring for Kelly, but it dropped out of his hand as she reached for it. It hit his boot and started rolling quickly across the pavement towards the storm drain. “FUCK,” Crash said as he ran after it. He dove at the last minute, slapping his hand down at the edge as we all held our breath. He lifted his hand and his shoulders slumped in relief. “Got it,” he said as he got up.
The Club guys applauded him as he brushed the dirt and sand off his clothes, his right hand holding the ring tight. Kelly took it from him, smirking a little. “Good thing you found that, do you have any idea how many Cracker Jack boxes I had to open to find it?”
“Quit bitching and do this, I’m hungry,” Crash replied.
“With this ring, I pledge to love you forever, screw you often and ride as your Old Lady. You do have to take care of my Harley, though,” she said as she put the ring on his finger.
“Then by the power vested in me by the State of Minnesota and the laser-printed card in my wallet, I pronounce you Old Man and Old Lady.” He looked at the crowd. “Now what?”
“YOU MAY NOW MOLEST THE BRIDE,” everyone yelled as we stood up to applaud. Viper pulled her into his chest, kissing her deeply as one hand dropped down to cup her ass, pushing her skirt up out of the way. She dropped both hands to his, pulling him tight as she ground on him.
“Hey, children here,” Teri teased as they came up for air. Viper just laughed as Kelly jumped into his arms, wrapping her legs around his waist as he walked them to his bike. He fired it up, pulling out and riding slowly back up the aisle with her on the back. The riders along the aisle fired up their engines and pulled out to follow them, and when they were done most of the others went to their bikes and joined the party. Hammer had put “Just Married” signs on Viper’s bike along with beer cans on a string.
“They’ll be back in half an hour or so,” Snake said as he sat down and pulled me into his lap. We kissed, I felt so happy for them. “Come on, some of the ladies and the prospects need to help us get the dinner ready. It needs to be on the table when they return.”
We went inside, Sheri had done an amazing job with decorating in such a short time. “Leftovers from previous receptions,” she said as I hugged her. The band was setting up, that was another surprise she had for us. We did our final preps, all the food was on the table when we heard them returning.
It only took ten minutes to get everyone seated and start eating. The gumbo was a hit, as I knew it would be, and the party was soon in full swing. The prospects were busy at the bar, bringing pitchers of beer out. After ten, when some of the kids were taken home or up to the day care room, things really started to get fun.
I danced with Snake mostly, but Viper made sure he got one from me too. “Congratulations, Dad,” I said as I leaned my head on his shoulder. “I’m so glad you found someone.”
“I’m glad you’re back, Vivian. I can’t tell you how much I missed you.”
I eventually sat down, a glass of water in hand, when I hear Viper yell for me. The people on the dance floor moved aside as I ran forward. Viper was sitting on the floor, holding Kelly’s head in his lap. “She was fine, then her eyes rolled and she fainted,” he said.
“Snake, carry her up to the clinic,” I said. I ran ahead, opening the door and turning the lights on. They hadn’t changed anything in the room, and had kept it clean, so it was usable. I watched as she was laid on the examining table. “Everyone out,” I said, and they all obeyed except Viper.
I took her vitals, her blood pressure was way high. She wasn’t running a temperature, and she woke up a few minutes later. “Relax, Kelly, you’re in the clinic. You passed out on the dance floor,” I told her.
She tried to sit up, but Viper stopped her. “Just rest, love, let her check you out.”
I’d been gone a while, so I took her history. She hadn’t had a checkup in years, and didn’t have a history of high blood pressure that she knew of. “Am I going to be all right?”
“I’m concerned about your blood pressure, it’s come down but not into the normal range yet. Have you been feeling all right lately? Notice any changes?”
She thought about it. “I’ve been dieting, I put on a few pounds last month. I’m tired, and the smells of some foods make me queasy.”
I reached into a drawer and pulled out a test kit. Her eyes bugged out as she looked at it. “But… I’m too old!”
“You’re forty-six, that isn’t too old. When was your last period?”
She thought back. “March? I’m not regular.” I helped her up and into the bathroom.
When the door closed, Viper whispered, “You think she might be pregnant?”
“You’ve been sexually active with her, haven’t you?”
“Well, I don’t just lie there,” he said with a nervous laugh. “We never thought to use protection.”
“I need you to help here. She needs rest, so no strenuous activity, no stress. I’m going to give you this blood pressure monitor. I want you to test her when she wakes up, and every couple hours until you get back. Call me immediately if it alarms,” I said as I set it. “No alcohol, salt or scary movies. You two just relax in your hotel, or I’ll put here in the clinic on bedrest.”
“Yes Doc.” We both turned to the bathroom door as it opened.
Kelly was staring at the test, her face was pale. “It’s positive,” she said as she ran into Viper’s arms and started to cry.