Chapter 35, On my Knees
[BY AMBER MARIGOLD JILTEN]
“Xavy, you should let me please you sometimes as well. I feel guilty for having you always treat me,” I explain as my husband brings me another glass of wine.
“I want to spoil my little wife on her honeymoon, is that so bad?” Xavier asks.
I watch Xavier get into the Jacuzzi as well, dark grey swimming trunks clinging to his hips like he just got off of a swimsuit add. He hands me red wine and we clink our glasses before taking a sip. The jacuzzi is huge. Being built into the deck right outside our bedroom, I thought it would be a bit smaller, but no, it’s larger than most people’s swimming pools. I drift over to the edge of the jacuzzi where a stunning view is waiting for me. The great thing about this deck is that it has the option to be indoors, but the windows can be retracted, welcoming the musky spruce smell inside.
“The sun will be setting soon, I wonder how the inner gang’s doing on their mission,” I comment as I rest with my elbows on the sleek wooden deck. I take another sip of my wine, hoping I could stop thinking of all the bad possible outcomes.
“They’ll probably only arrive on location tomorrow. It’s quite a distance away from here,” Xavier says.
“So nobody is dead yet,” I breathe and let my shoulders relax.
I hear Xavier drift over to me and feel his arms snake around my waist. His head goes to rest on the curve of my neck and shoulder. “Nobody’s dying, Marigold. They’re all very capable people,” my husband reassures me - his words a tingling whisper on my collarbone. I melt in his embrace and lean with my head back.
Xavier seems to follow the flow of things, because with my throat exposed he leisurely starts tracing kisses all over my neck and jaw, teasing my lips to the point where I impatiently turn around and kiss him. I let my hands travel over his chest, over his scars, and to his face where I hold him in place and deepen our kiss.
When I pull away, I’m a little out of breath, drunk on more than wine.
“Xavy?” I ask.
“Y’know, it’s not just my honeymoon. It’s yours too,” I start.
“Well... you’re always trying to please me,” I explain. He keeps his emerald eyes fixed on me and I have to remind myself how words work again. “And, well, we’re equal aren’t we? I should please you as well, shouldn’t I?”
“Just having you be here, makes me the happiest man in the world,” Xavier says as he leans in for a kiss, but I’m pretty adamant on this, so I stop him with a finger on his lips.
“No, Xavy, this really isn’t fair. I want to make you happy. I want to do things you like as well,” I insist, though I quickly feel like a child begging for a toy because my husband sends a soft chuckle against my finger. I pull my hand away and pout.
“Marigold, it’s our first weekend together as husband and wife. There’s no need to do things that’ll...”
“That’ll what? Scare me?” I ask. Xavier quirks up an eyebrow and I do the same in return. “Come on, Xav, it’s no secret that you have... interesting tastes. The whole inner gang’s always joking about it.”
“Marigold, you don’t have to feel pressured to do anything like that. I don’t want to hurt you-”
“No, you don’t want to scare me. We literally just talked about how you like hurting people. And... and how I like getting hurt.”
“But this is different. You’re too inexperienced.”
“So, teach me,” I say without thinking. Xavier’s eyes are laser focussed on me again and I feel my throat go dry. “I might like it.”
Something changes in Xavier’s expression. His gaze goes feral, like a wild animal watching its captor slowly opening the cage. I feel my heart race at that look. I feel my chest grow tight to the point where it hurts, but I don’t hate it at all.
“Very well, Marigold,” Xavier says, “Though I was not prepared for this, so we’ll have to make do with what we have. Tonight, at eight PM I want you ready.”
My heart starts beating faster at his tone. I know he’s trying to scare me, but he’ll have to try harder than that. “Sure,” I say.
“As you wish.”
“That’s Jilten to you, Marigold.”
“Yes, Jilten,” I say innocently. I watch Xavier’s lip quirk up into a smirk and feel my own grin creeping up on me. He likes it! He likes it, I shout in my head. He’s happy.
“That’s good, Marigold,” Xavier says and with those words, I’m so glad we’re in the water right now.
I finish up my shower. To be honest, I was kind of expecting Xavier to join me again under the scorching water, but he was very insistent on me preparing on my own and waiting for him in the bedroom. I’m not sure where he went off to, but he told me there would be consequences if I wasn’t ready by eight.
I leave the bathroom and check the time on my phone. It’s quarter to eight. The sun just set and a can feel a cool ocean breeze greeting me from the still open window/ wall on the other side of the bedroom. Wrapped in my towel, I decide there’s no point in looking for clothes. Xavier specifically told me to be naked, and though I’m tempted to find out what he means by consequences, I also really want to impress him tonight. Xavier’s been nothing but considered so far to me. He’s only had my interests in mind and if we truly are equal, tonight belongs to him.
And more importantly, I’d be lying if I said Xavier’s sadistic side didn’t stir a curious side of me.
I go to sit on the soft maroon bed and start drying my hair with the towel. My hair’s grown out pretty long now, reaching the small of my back. Would Xavier want my hair loose? I’m not too sure how all this works. Remembering how formal he’s been about everything so far, I decide to tie my hair back in a simple ponytail. God knows I can’t braid my hair on my own. Unless you’re double-jointed, it’s fucking impossible I tell you.
With my hair tied back and somewhat dry, I take a deep breath and remove the dark grey towel I’ve wrapped myself in. The night air immediately goes to kiss every inch of my exposed skin and goosebumps appear all over. My body reacts to the cold and I instinctively cover my chest in embarrassment.
I spit in the face of danger, but the idea of Xavier looking at my naked figure still makes me melt into a little puddle. God, he must think I’m such a child, reacting this way every time.
I wonder what the previous girls were like... They were probably confident. A lot more experienced probably too.
God, I wish I wasn’t such a prude! Why was I raised so conservatively? Were my parents really just careful to make sure I get married off as a pure maiden?
I sigh at the situation, but then remember the reality of it all. Even back then, I was supposed to marry Xavier. That’s right. My parents picked him. And even after everything that could’ve gone wrong, did go wrong, we still ended up together.
Was this divine fate?
Or unavoidable tragedy?
I hear the fridge open and close on the other side of the bedroom door and suddenly realize it’s almost time. Panicking about where to be waiting for my husband, I settle for the expensive rug at the foot of the bed. I don’t exactly know how to be kneeling for this, but I trained in material arts when I still lived with my parents and one of my sensei’s taught me how to properly sit in a kneeling position.
“Seiza,” I whisper to myself as I remember my teachings. I go down with my right knee first, and then my left, making sure to leave my feet positioned behind me like a bowl for my ass to rest on. I place my hands on my legs, elbows pointing out and my back straight. I’m itching to cover myself up, but the desire to be perfect for Xavier is stronger.
When I hear the door click open, I completely freeze over.
In walks Xavier, dressed again. His black paints looked like it was bought minutes ago, his crisp white shirt freshly pressed and the same maroon tie from last night is around his neck. I let my eyes trail up. From his perfectly polished shoes, all the way to his slicked-back auburn hair. He’s exactly as I remember him the first time we met, only with the light stubble he seems much more mature.
My hands start to tremble and I press them against my thighs in an attempt to hide it, looking down to avoid eye contact when I remember I’m completely naked.
“You’re on time,” Xavier yes.
“Of course,” I manage to croak out.
“Of course?” Xavier asks amused.
“Of course, Mister Jilten,” I correct and instantly blush in the process. Not even two seconds in and I’m already fucking up for Godsake!
“That’s strike one,” Xavier smirks, “Just Jilten will do fine. I don’t want you addressing me the way others do. Not when we’re like this. You’re the only person in the world allowed to refer to me as Jilten and that’s the way I want to have it,” Xavier explains. I hear him taking slow steps towards me and my whole body tenses up.
“Yes, Jilten,” I answer and then mentally face palm myself because of course, he’d want me calling him by his last name. I mean, all this time, he’s called me by mine. He’s the only person that calls me Marigold. This is... this is our thing.
“I will use tonight as a means to teach you more about me. To help you understand just what you’re getting yourself into,” Xavier says. He steps right in front of me and I can see my reflection in his leather shoes. I look... Like a completely different person somehow. “First lesson. Though this is my own personal view, I’ve always felt like respect isn’t in one’s words, but rather your actions. You could call me Sir all you’d like, but it does nothing for me if actions prove otherwise. I’m not a narcissist, I’m a sadist. My pleasure derives from your pain and struggle, your desperation to please me, and not your ability to flatter me. Understood?”
It feels so strange calling him by just his last name. Almost, forbidden.
“Second lesson,” Xavier says as he crouches down in front of me. I try to keep my eyes down, but my husband goes to lift my chin with his finger. When I look up, Xavier has an expression I haven’t ever seen on him.
He’s not fire anymore... He’s cold as ice.
I instinctively swallow a lump in my throat and make sure to keep eye contact with the chilling man in front of me. His touch makes every hair on my body stand on end and the goosebumps refuse to leave.
“You may pick a safeword for yourself and if at any point you want to stop, for whatever reason, I will immediately seize any action at the mention of the word. So, you have something in mind, Marigold?”
I bite my lip for a second. I know I’ll get in trouble, but the temptation is just too good. “Good Lord?” I ask and there’s no way I can stop the guilty grin.
Xavier smirks cruelly. “That’s strike two,” he says before standing up straight again.
Wait, wait, wait, what happens at strike three??????
“Stand,” Xavier orders and I do so quickly, going left leg first and then right leg. “Your safe word will be Earthworms,” Xavier decides.
“Earthworms? Why?” I ask.
When Xavier hands me an icy stare, I immediately realize I’m done for. “Uh, I mean, Jilten. Why Earthworms, Jilten, if I may ask?”
Xavier doesn’t say anything. Instead, he slowly removes his cufflinks. He goes to leave them by the dresser and I don’t dare to move an inch during any of it. When he walks back to face me, he starts rolling back his sleeves and loosening his tie.
May the good Lord have mercy on my soul.
“Turn around,” Xavier says and I do so without question, facing the bed now. “Lesson three. Actions have consequences, Marigold. Three strikes and you’re out.” Before I get the chance to ask him what he means, I feel myself getting pushed down. I fall onto the bed, my legs still hanging by the edge while the rest of my naked self is sinking into the soft fur throw. I feel Xavier’s icy hand press down on my back and immediately my legs start to shake in anticipation of something.
“We’ll start off easy. Ten strikes with the bare hand. Count for me, Marigold.”
“Uh, y-yes, Jilten,” I say. I’m immediately reminded of last year when Xavier was messing around and tried to spank me in the principal’s office. I know he was joking around, but I still felt... I still felt a rush back then.
I brace for impact, my body going tense as my ass waits for what’s to come. To my surprise, Xavier doesn’t immediately go for it. Instead, his other hand softly touches my thigh. I can’t help but flinch regardless.
“Tsk tsk tsk, so tense,” Xavier comments.
I bite down on my lip to stop a witty remark from coming out.
“You’re so eager to go guns blazing into a fight but the idea of a bit of spanking sends you quivering like a scared little mess. Why’s that, Marigold?” Xavier asks as he lets that icy touch trial up my leg. He lets his fingers travel a winding path over my skin, taking his sweet time to get to my ass where he starts tracing lazy circles.
“It’s, b-because it’s you, Jilten,” I whisper.
“What was that?”
“It’s because it’s you, Jilten,” I repeat a little louder.
“And what’s that supposed to mean?”
“I... I want to impress you. But I keep messing up. I don’t want you thinking I can’t do any of this. I don’t want to fail you, but it’s barely been a minute and I’m already so bad at it, Jilten,” I express desperately. I don’t feel awkward admitting any of this. Xavier has a way of making me let down my guard.
I want to turn around, but I want to keep looking away. I want to see his expression, but I want to stay ignorant forever. Have I ever felt so strongly about wanting everything and nothing at the same time?
“What a sweet plea from my poor wife. So desperate to keep me happy. How can I be anything but pleased?” Xavier asks and I’m about to say something, but he suddenly raises his hand and in an instant my ass is stinging.
I let out an unexpected yelp and without thinking, bring my hands up to cover my mouth in embarrassment. Without realizing it, in the second Xavier expressed he was pleased, I relaxed. I felt validated and relaxed only to have him surprised me like that. How am I already out of breath like this? Did it surprise me that much?
“Count,” Xavier orders.
“One,” I say through my hands.
“Oh, this won’t do. I want to hear all the little sounds you make, Marigold.” Xavier says before removing his hands from me. I immediately feel my body cry out for that cold touch. I hear the ruffle of clothing before Xavier leans over to grab my hands. He’s not gentle about it either, ripping them away so fast, I faceplant into the fur of the blanket. Before I know it, that familiar silky tie is being wrapped around my wrists. Not again!
But I can’t struggle against him... I have to behave.
Xavier grabs hold of my tied up hands and presses down on my back again, his free hand goes back to my ass, but this time he doesn’t wait. Immediately, my husband strikes down and the sharp sting shoots through my entire body. I feel my breath hitch in my throat and an unfamiliar sound slowly leaves my lips. Was that a whimper?
“Two,” I say in a shaky breath.
“Too hard?” Xavier asks.
I think about the question. And though it stings, it doesn’t hurt at all somehow. In fact, rather than a punishment, it feels like I’m having an itch scratched.
“No, at all, Jilten,” I breathe into the bed.
“Good, little wife,” Xavier praises before he strikes down a third time. And with that one little validating word, the sting does something different to me. I can feel him hitting harder, but instead of my whole body, an electrifying feeling shoots through to a very specific part of my body and I start to recognize the feeling from last night. This really is turning me on...
I’ve had suspicions but if pain turns me on, I really must be a masochist? Is it really that simple? I feel like there must be more to it.
“Count,” Xavier reminds me a bit more impatient this time and I flush red all over.
“Three,” I quickly say.
Xavier pauses like he’s contemplating something. For a moment I think he’s going to comment on me failing to count of all things. I’m such an idiot about all this. But Xavier simply leaves it be and continues.
I get so frustrated with myself, shutting my eyes tight as I curse at myself. I wanted to be perfect, but I’m such a dumbass sometimes. And Xavier... I can feel him holding back. He’s still thinking of me first. I wanted tonight to be for him, but he’s simply teaching me the basics of his tastes instead of actually enjoying himself.
“Ten,” I count when we get to the last strike and by now, I have my eyes stinging more than my ass.
“Good-” Xavier starts, but I jump up and whirl around before he can finish his sentence. Without my hands, I’m a bit off balance but still manage to find my footing. Xavier sees my expression and his eyes go soft immediately. “Did it hurt, Marigold?” he asks, “you should tell me if-”
“No,” I shake my head, “I’m frustrated with myself. Am I really so bad at this that you have to hold back like that?”
“Marigold, you lost your virginity yesterday. I’m not going to rush things with you.”
“Xavier, please. No, Jilten... I want to have tonight make you happy. Please allow me this. I’m begging you,” I plead and without really thinking it completely through, I fall down to my knees in front of my husband. I press with my head against his legs - my hands still tied behind my back. “You don’t have to hold back so much. I want to make you happy too. Nothing you do can scare me.”
“I... I’m not nice when I’m like this though. You’ll hate it if I don’t ease you in,” Xavier tries to argue.
“I won’t,” I reasure him and look up desperately. “I promise, nothing you do will make me forget who you are.”
Xavier sighs - the sound easing some mention inside of me. “I just wanted to be perfect for you, Marigold. I didn’t want you to see the fucked up sides I have to me. Not when it can be directed at the person I love.”
“Don’t hold back,” I beg.
There’s a long pause of silence before Xavier finally gives in.
“Fine, Marigold. You’ll hate me, but I managed to turn it around once before,” my husband sighs.
Thankful for his trust, I smile up at Xavier.