So far, so good. She hadn’t released herself completely. To tell the honest truth, I used to think that she was just a voice in my head, an imaginary friend -- a scary one. Until one year when no one I had invited, including my friends, didn’t come to my birthday party. I got really upset and felt an anger burning in my stomach, as well as bitterness. I realized that that shouldn’t be happening and ran to my room, locking the door. Then I felt my imaginary friend whispering words to me.
Let me out, I’ll make them pay.
How? You’re just a figment of my imagination. You can’t get out.
She chuckled darkly. Is that what you think Julia? I’m no friend. I’m you, but your true self. I won’t let anyone hurt us. No one will control us! That’s when she started to emerge. I felt an enormous pain in my gut and I keeled over, clutching my stomach.
I groaned as my tan skin paled to an almost white and my fingers grew claws. Stop it! I shouted.
But aren’t you curious? I can feel you burning to know what’s happening. I know you are angry, even if you hide it. Then the pain subsided and she stood up, moving toward the mirror. She let me then control my body again and I stared at the figure I saw. My mouth curled up in a snarl to reveal the teeth and the forked tongue flicked out. Long black hair draped down and touched my shoulders.
Then she pulled back and I gasped as I returned to my normal form. After that, I kept my door closed and didn’t come down from my room for a long time. I didn’t tell my father why, just let him assume I was upset.
That was about six years ago, when I was ten. I have managed to keep her in since then, maybe with a bit of gleaming eyes or something else.
I sighed to myself as I walked to my locker and did the combination. I hated that she had broken my will so easily and vowed to get a tighter reign on her, but I didn’t know if that would happen.
As I walked to my first class early and with my head down, I smacked into someone and my books fell. “I’m sorry!” I said as I bent to pick them up.
Who ever I bumped, turned and looked at me. I felt their eyes on me before they bent down and a hand that looked much like a boy’s came into view. “It’s okay,” said the voice. It was slightly deep with a richness to it that made my look up into the most beautiful brown eyes I had ever seen. The boy had scarlet-red hair that was longish and pulled back in a loose ponytail.
Heat rose to my cheeks as I realized I was staring and then I grabbed my books from his hands. “Again, I’m sorry.” I said before I walked past him, my cheek burning.
I felt his gaze follow me until I rounded the corner, and I stopped, leaning against the wall to get my breath. Then I pushed a lock of my brown hair out of my face and headed into the classroom.
As I sat in the classroom, she kept whispering to me.
I could have done worse you know. You really should let me out. I can feel that desire in you to set things right, to get revenge on those who have wronged you.
Shut up. SHUT UP! I screamed silently in my head, hunching my shoulders and narrowing my eyes as she continued to try getting me to let her out.
I put the barriers up in my mind so I could listen to my teachers, but every once in a while, I caught her asking me to let her free.
On my way to lunch, I dodged around the group of bullies on my way to the cafeteria. I got my food and sat down at a table by myself in a corner of the lunch room. People glanced at me as they walked past with...was that pity, or disgust? I couldn’t tell.
I narrowed my eyes and ate my lunch in silence and as I looked around, my gaze connected with that of the boy I ran into earlier. I averted my gaze and quickly finished my meal before dumping my tray and leaving the lunch room.
Wandering the halls, she came back to me.
I’m impressed, you managed to block me out....for a short time.
Stop. Get out of my head. Stop talking to me! I said in my head as I stopped at my locker and held my hand poised over the lock.
Oh Julia, She clucked inside my head. Don’t you see? You can’t get rid of me. I’m you, haven’t I told you that before?
You have, but you’re not me! You’re darker! You want to hurt others, even those who have done nothing.
Why do you lie to yourself? It’s pathetic, yet interesting. You do hate them, you just don’t know it. You lie and tell yourself that you’re better then me. Ha! You may be human, but you’ll never stop hating them for treating you like dirt.
JUST SHUT UP!! I screamed. Then I caught a bang of a locker and looked around, realizing someone else was in the hall. They were staring at me.
I pursed my lips once I realized I had shouted that out loud and then turned back to my locker, twisting the lock and grabbing my work for my next class.