26. Would We Regret It?
I sat on the grass, looking over my parents' graves. It had been a few hours since I arrived back at Javal with Dastan. I came to find comfort here, to speak to the air that represented my mother. But it was then that I was hit with another boulder of difficult news. I looked over the right, eyeing the only other tombstone that sat in the grass.
I don't know if I could ever completely mourn her death, nor the void that her death had left me with. She was a comforting, nurturing and loving figure in some of the most difficult parts of my life while I was here. It was sad I would never be able to return the favor.
"Hey." Dastan's voice rang as he walked up to me. I smiled up at him, a warmth spreading through my chest. "I'm sorry about San." He whispered looking over to her stone.
I stood up, dusting the grass from my legs, "She was such a great person, even you must feel her death." I replied sadly. He nodded and his jaw twitched painfully, I swore I heard his teeth as they jammed together.
He cleared his throat, not yet turning to face me, "Listen. I-I think we should talk." He frowned, finally turning to face me. There was a hint of worry, a fraction of betrayal behind those eyes I wasn't so familiar with anymore.
"A-about what?" My heart thumped against my chest. I was afraid he would want to speak of that which I was not ready to confess. I couldn't face him and lie to him, but I also couldn't be honest.
"I-I know things aren't the same between us, Aria. I can feel the disconnect." He narrowed his eyes, studying my face as they moved between my features. "We will never be able to take those three years back, but I hope you can agree that we must look to the future."
I nodded quietly.
"My love." He whispered, placing his hand on my cheek. Air left my lungs, and my heart fluttered, happy to hear that name again. "How I wish we could erase the past three years from our lives."
I sucked in my bottom lip as I let my brows fall into a frown. On one end, I was melting at his delicate touch, but at the other, I could not get rid of the flutter of disappointment in my stomach.
His eyes focused on mine, and I'm sure he saw the storm that lived behind them. "Come." He dropped his hand, "Let's get you settled in."
I nodded as I tried to catch my breath at the loss of his touch, following closely behind him as he lead me back to the castle that lived hidden on the mountain side. The air smelled like dirt, like earth, and I could hear the soft roar of the raging waterfall that fell miles away.
My heart clenched, this is where I fell in love with him. This is where I loved to live all those years ago. What I would do for just a fraction of those emotions to return now. Suddenly, I felt his hand wrap around mine, and I looked up to find his lips in a small, comforting smile.
I realized then that we stood in the throne room, that same place where I had first laid eyes on him. Intertwining my fingers with his, I leaned my forehead on his arm, inhaling slowly. My other hand wrapped itself around his bicep, and I clenched his muscles, trapping them in the cage of my fingers.
"I feel like I don't know you anymore." I whispered, my eyebrows meeting as I frowned in my disappointment, "I feel like I don't know myself anymore."
"Hey hey hey." He whispered, his free hand tangling itself in my hair as he kneeled in front of me, effectively moving my face from the hiding spot on his arm. He unwrapped his fingers from mine, curving his arm around my lower back, pulling me into him until our foreheads touched. "Fight for me, love." He whispered, closing his eyes, "I will fight for you, until I can't breath." He inhaled, a small smile forming on his lips.
I brought my hand up, tracing the lines of the scars on his face, "I will always fight for you, Dastan." And I meant it, if I could fight for him a realm away, then I should be able to by his side. I inched my hand up slowly, letting my fingers play around with the soft strands of his hair.
His lips found themselves a comfortable home on my jaw. He peppered kisses on my skin while I tried to rein in the overwhelming need to wrap my body around his. My breath fell raggedly from my lips, which had begun to play around the lobes of his ear. They had a mind of their own, refusing to remain loyal to the thought of Jakko.
Dastan growled lowly, his arm tightening around my curves, forcing my body against his with all the strength his body could offer.
"Dastan." I squealed, desperation clear on my tongue. "Please." I pulled away, placing my hands on his chest and forcing his head up so he could face me. His hair was a mess from my intrusion, and his lips were shiny from his tongue as he licked them, no doubt savoring the taste of my skin as I was savoring his.
"Right." He cleared his throat, letting my body go and standing up to his full height. He quickly grabbed my hand, pulling me along the hallways, making his way to the room we once shared all those years ago.
My heart was nervously pounding against my chest, completely stopping in its tracks when Dastan closed the door behind us. I looked around the room, my breaths falling silent and my body frozen in shock. Everything was exactly the same, it smelled the same, it felt the same.
My hands were engulfed in his calloused, strong ones and he slowly pulled me as he sat on the bed, placing me between his legs. "It's exactly as I remember." Whispered, still looking around the room.
I could feel his eyes on me, I could feel them as they moved around, tracing the lines of my face. Feeling self conscious, I turned my gaze to the floor, only to have his hands cup my cheeks and pull my eyes up to his.
"I thought you would appreciate that." He answered, tilting his head to the side as one of his hands floated on my skin, down from my neck to my shoulders.
His fingers played around with the strap of the dress that I wore, and I could feel the battle within his heart. My heart was fighting the same one.
Should I let him? Should I let him undress me, let him see me, touch me, hold me?
Should I let him make love to me?
Or would we both regret it later?