4. You're Not Leaving my Sight.
We made it out toward the back and approached three vehicles that sat ready to go. Jakko quickly got into one and turned it on, ready to leave all of this behind. Although I knew, deep down inside, that he would've wanted me to go with him, I couldn't sit in such a small space with him.
I looked over at Sarn with a defeated frown and he nodded at me, inviting me into the vehicle he would be driving. Thijs smiled softly at us before he climbed into his and in a matter of minutes, we were off.
"Are you okay?" Sarn broke the silence that was only met the with the hum of the vehicle. I picked at my fingers and though his gaze was locked on the road ahead, I shook my head. "Are you and Jakko okay?" He asked. I shrugged.
He sighed and tightened his hold on the steering wheel. "You don't want to talk about it?"
I shook my head and looked up at him with a small smile, trying to not break out in a pathetic cry in front of him. I had gone through so much shit, so much brokenness and trauma that the thought of crying over something like this made me feel almost childish again. Surely the confusion of loving two men was not enough to make me break out in a sob.
And there was when the flashback started. I fought endlessly to keep the flashbacks, especially of my parents, at bay. There was no need for the pain that they would bring, nor was there any hope tied with them. My parents were dead. Even if I did find a way back home, back to Dastan, I would still never be in my parents' arms again.
There was something I always dreamed about when I lived with my parents. Romance. It was what I read in the books, never realizing that I would experience an adventurous and crazy love. The memory of asking my mother to tell me over and over again how she fell in love with father, sent a smile to my lips.
But my lips trembled as they did so, and I wanted to break out in a cry. I've lost them. When does one move on from the pain of losing such an important part of your life?
My reminiscing was cut short.
"Get down!" Sarn yelled beside me.
I ducked, but signed frantically, "What is it?!"
His hold had tightened on the wheel and he eyed the road with a craze in his eyes, not bothering to look at me for any questions on the matter. I grabbed his leg and tugged on it like a child, doing anything possible to get his attention.
He looked at me for a split second, but still managed to communicate the fear he felt. Upon returning his focus to the road he yelled, "They've found us! They're gaining up on us and I doubt they'd be afraid of using their weapons."
Oh no. I felt the vehicle accelerate and panic began to rise through my chest. When will it end? I began to hyperventilate and Sarn eyed me carefully, "I'll get you out of this and back to Jakko, okay?"
Jakko. I breathed in slowly, trying to remember what it felt like to be in his embrace, what it felt like to be soothed by him. I nodded, mostly to reassure myself.
"Shit!" Sarn looked around frantically, "I lost Jakko and Thijs." The vehicle swerved, which didn't help my breathing problem and then sent my mind into a thousand of negative thoughts. I grabbed on to the door until my hands turned white and whispered word of comfort that Jakko would usually say.
There was a loud crack in the air that made me duck even more and sent my body into a nervous shake. Another crack vibrated in the air and made the vehicle jerk to the side. I hit my head and my vision blurred, right before my body frighteningly dizzy.
"They're attacking! I think I can lose them, but we must leave the car and grab the horses." He shouted at me, ducking intermittently as he tried to drive through the loud cracks.
"They won't be able to follow us through the wood in vehicles." He answered my thought out question and sped up the car even more. A blurry green cloud appeared in the distanced and I massaged my temples painfully until it turned into a wall of trees.
My heart beat against my chest as I took in the fact that we almost died. Not to mention that it was at the hands of my parents. I watched the world, blurry, as it sped by us. But it all seemed to freeze in time when I saw Jakko standing in the distance with a face that expressed his horror so well.
We came to a sudden stop, but my heart would need more time to calm down. I opened the door, overwhelmed with the dizziness that overcame my senses and dropped to the ground. I jumped in surprise when his arms wrapped around me. He pulled me into him, his chest flush against my back and shoved his nose on my neck. I closed my eyes, taking in the warmth that he offered, silently thanking whatever gods ruled the universe for letting me find calm once again.
He carried me quickly to a pair of horses that stood impatiently by a tree and trough of water. As if I weighed nothing, he tossed me over his shoulder and onto the saddle. I wanted to beg him to ride with me, to climb on the horse behind me, but I had a feeling he was still angry at me for my constant rejection. I held on to the reins until my hands turned white and breathed in short and choppy breaths.
I heard the clack of his horse behind me and nearly whimpered at the fact that he so willingly ignored me.
But he didn't.
The warmth of his hand grasped my leg, a sudden shudder disrupting my breaths. I exhaled in tremendous relief when his body encompassed mine, his arms wrapping around my waist and his hands taking the reins from mine.
I could feel his heart as it beat against his chest and vibrated on my back. His arms were tightly wound around me, and I knew he had to control himself to do so without killing me in the process.
"You're not leaving my sight again." He whispered in my ear before pulling on the reins and sending the horses off.