I was barely twelve at that time and the scenes of my memory are very…… scattered. The only part I remember clearly is a murder.
I saw a lot of people die that day, I don’t know why they were being killed but what I do know is that my brother and I were between the little crowd that was about to be slaughtered like animals.
Then there’s a large gap in my memory after which I remember my brother…… He pushed me into a cupboard and because of my tiny figure; I was able to fit in easily. But it wasn’t the same for my brother, though. He was a year older than me but a foot taller.
I was weak at that time. A delicate little bud that wasn’t yet ready to blossom. A kind of girl that felt every pain, heard every sigh and wanted to heal every wound. A girl who wasn’t ready to face the world—or even see its true bitterness. When those eyes saw all the bloodshed, they couldn’t help but let a flood of tears streaming down my face.
My brother’s calming words echoed in my head as he held my hands and his hazel eyes met mine, “I’ll always protect you, Astrid. We’re a soul sent in two bodies. I can’t lose half of my soul. I’m here for you--and you’ll live.”
With that, he closed the cupboard’s door. Through the keyhole, I peeped as my brother, half injured, limped into the room that was right in front of me. I didn’t understand what was going on in his mind because he was always hard to read.
All of a sudden, a man with a cloth wrapped around his face kicked my brother who toppled towards the right side where I couldn’t see him. I only could hear his pleadings and begging’s but it seemed to have no effect on the man who raised his gun. One-shot was all I heard which was followed by a long, endless stretch of silence.
I knew then, what hatred was as it seeped from my heart, contaminating my soul. I knew then, what the feeling of revenge felt like as it mixed with anger and set my whole body on fire.
And who was my first enemy ever? The man with the gun, who took off the cloth to reveal his face, that messy black hair, unshaven beard on his square face and unearthly greenish-brown eyes belonged to the man who was on the police’s most-wanted list for a decade. And his name was…… Tim Parker.
My flashback ended as I opened my eyes to let the warm sunlight penetrate through my body. I looked down at the grave I was sitting beside, a grave without a body, a grave… of my brother. The murderers had hidden away all the bodies of the dead people. The only thing left of them was their blood. It was the same for my brother, Rex Sparks, whose grave was between the graves of my late parents, James and Samantha Sparks.
I tried to crush the sand in my hand, telling life what it had done to me. It had left me broken, helpless, frustrated and exhausted. Five years have passed since my brother’s death and seven since my parents’ who passed away in an accident.
Now, I’m seventeen and practically striving to live.
I walked along the footpath, looking down, tuning out all the happy voices around me. What’s the use of being so happy when happiness never lasts long? Its sadness and emptiness that becomes our best friend and never leaves.
My view on life took 180ᴼ turn after that incident. I used to think love life and life will love you back… but I was wrong. Life is just a sweet little lie with a big ‘if’ in it. Life hated me and death… its scared of me. Life wanted to get rid of me while death wasn’t willing to accept me.
So, there I was, a girl not easy to kill but also a girl who didn’t ever live. I never feared death, though. What my fear was that my soul would die while my body was still alive—of living an unlived life.
I was alone in this world. Never made friends, never even wanted to. As for the people I knew, I didn’t know who was going to leave and who was going to stay so I pushed them all away.
I reached my house, a place not worth being called home anymore. I went straight to my bed-room which only had a canopied bed, a study table, a wardrobe, and a full-length mirror. I stared at my reflection and stared at those sad blood-shot eyes, my messy brownish-black shoulder-length hair, my olive skin and my light pink lips. I looked at my brown eyes again, remembering what my dad used to say, “Astrid, your eyes are the brightest I’ve ever seen. You have a whole galaxy in them. Don’t flood that galaxy with your tears, kiddo. In fact, let that galaxy grow into a whole universe.”
A smile and a tear appeared on my face. It was so easy for him to say all these things when my whole world was falling apart. I stared at my whole self. What do I have? I just look like a mysterious looking girl with a petite physique. I never deserved to be loved especially by my family. I never deserved to be a person someone would live for or die for. I never deserved to be the reason for someone’s existence.
I might never be the reason for someone lives or survives but I know I’ll be the reason for someone’s death.
“I’m coming for you, Tim Parker. You made this shy, sweet girl into a badass and now you’ll suffer its consequences.”
I opened my wardrobe and took out a box from it. I took out my two favourite daggers from it and smiled wickedly as I looked at them shine. An eerie titter escaped my lips as I muttered, “You’re just gonna hate yourself for making me your biggest enemy.”