Those last few breaths I took as Toby and Connor held on to me, I had been fully ready to be with my Uncle Benji again, I saw his face smiling at me with my mother beside him, Oliver was running towards me with the biggest grin I had ever seen as he hugged me tight to him. They took it in turns as I cried.
“You’re so brave Kat” Benji says.
“I missed you guys” I cry.
“We missed you too baby girl, but you have a baby to go back home to” Mum says as tears flood from my face.
“I can’t…I can’t do this” I cry.
“You can, you already are. You are brave and strong. Go look after our babies. Look after Hayley and Lydia for me. I love you Kat so much” Oliver kisses me as I felt a tug at my heart, and they got further away from me.
“No! Don’t go! Please! I love you!” I scream.
“Come on sweetheart, wake up for us” I feel someone gripping my hand hard.
“Benji….” I mutter as my eyes flutter open.
“No Kat, it’s me, it’s Toby”
My eyes open as they cloud over with tears as he hugs me tight.
“I saw Benji…Mum and Oliver too” I cry.
“Shh, I’ve got you. God damn it Kat, you scared me” Toby sobs into my arms.
“Where…what happened?” I cry as I take in the room, I was obviously in hospital.
“The crash, Billy, you killed him. Me and Connor got to you, but you were so badly hurt, we thought it was too late…We thought you were going to die…My baby sister…” He cries as he kisses my head, a tear falling to my face.
“How long have I been out?” I ask.
“Three fucking months” he says as I look at him with shock.
“Three…Months…” I say as I look down, most of my wounds were healed up, I could move, I was a little sore, but I could move.
“I need to go get the doctor, don’t move” He says and rushes out of the door.
“Toby! Toby!” I scream, I don’t want to be alone! It scared me.
“Toby!” I scream again as he rushes in once more getting into the bed and putting me on his lap, rocking me as I panic.
“Shhhh, kitty Kat, I’ve got you” He whispers in my ear again and again.
A doctor comes in and checks me over, but I completely ignore it as he talks with Toby, I answer him with short answers as my brother holds on to me tightly.
“I’ll leave you two be, she seems fine now physically. But she might need mental help” The doctor said.
“We know someone, we’ll get her help” Toby nods and the doctor leaves the room.
“Ollie…Where’s my baby?” I cry in Toby’s arms.
“I need to call them and tell them your awake. Then we can get Ollie in here, but first you need to calm down kitty Kat” He says, stroking my head.
Just then there is a knock on the door.
“Hey Toby, I’ve come to relieve you of Kat watch” Craig walks in with a take-away bag and a drink as he doesn’t even look on the bed and goes straight for the chair.
“Ugghhh, Craig…” Toby says as I smirk, it’s helped distract my mind a little at least.
“Yes buddy boy?” He says, still looking at his phone as he grabs a chip from the bag.
“Craig” I said.
“Yes Kat?” He say as I giggle, he still hadn’t realised.
“CRAIG!” Toby shouts as Craig finally looks up.
“HOLY SHIT!” He stands as his chips go everywhere as I laugh.
“Hello to you too Craig” I giggle.
“Katrina Smoak you amazing fucking angel you’re awake!” he shouts as he comes around the bed and lifts me from my brother’s arms, twirling me around in joy.
“Put her down Craig, she hasn’t been awake long, the doctor just removed her IV!” Toby chuckles as Craig puts me back on the bed.
“I can’t believe it…I’m dreaming, I have to be dreaming” Craig says in disbelief.
I pinch him.
“Ouch Kat!” He says as I smirk.
“Are you dreaming?” I laugh.
“No, but that was mean” He chuckles.
“Kat, I need to ring the others, are you ok with just Craig here?” Toby asks, taking my face in his fingers.
“Yes, I just don’t want to be alone” I murmur.
“I’m not going anywhere” Craig smiles and sits next to me.
“I’ll be right back.” Toby says kissing my head and running out the room.
“Chip?” Craig offers me his last chip which hadn’t gone onto the floor as my stomach rumbled as I took it slowly and munched on it, moaning at the amazing salty flavour.
“Thanks” I smile.
“Hungry? I have a burger in the bag too if you want it” He says as I nod, he passes it to me, and I tuck into it slowly.
“Billy…He’s dead right?” I murmur.
“Yeah, his men too” Craig nods slowly.
“What?” I ask as he looks at me.
“What you did was seriously risky Kat. You nearly died” He says.
“I took my best chance…” I sigh as memories flood my brain of what happened.
“Kat! Hey, focus, you’re not there!” Craig is in front of me suddenly.
“What…” I shake my head.
“You started having a panic attack, were you back there? Were you remembering that day?” He asks.
“Yes…” I cry as he stands and encases me in a hug.
“You’re not there. You’re safe now at home and alive.” Craig says.
“What happened?” Toby walks into the room.
“She had a panic attack remembering that day” Craig answers as he releases me slowly.
“You ok Kitty Kat?” Toby asks.
“Yeah, Craig helped” I nod.
“So, change of plan. The doctor and I spoke, now he’s letting you go now, IF we get you some help for your mental state and don’t leave you alone. Which we definitely won’t be leaving you alone. SO, I thought we could surprise everyone…I called Travis and asked where everyone was and turns out that they are all at Travis’s house right now having a barbeque, so how do you feel about coming home?” Toby smiles.
“I’d like that” I smile.
“Ok, so we had a bag of clothes here for if you woke up, it’s riggghhhhttt…Here! Get dressed while I sort out some things with the doctor. Craig don’t leave her” He orders as he wanders out with a huge smile.
“He’s been a mess since they found you. He hasn’t been this happy since before the incident” Craig laughs as I grab the bag and wander into the bathroom.
I look into the mirror for the first time since waking up.
“HOLY SHIT!” I cry out as I notice the huge scar across my chest.
“Kat?! AH…So yeah…You went straight through a window and it sliced right across your chest, punctured your lung, so you might have a few scars…” Craig says as my finger graze over them.
“They’re so fucking ugly…” I cry.
“It’s just a scar Kat” Craig sighs.
“Lydia won’t want someone so fucking ugly” I sigh.
“You can’t be serious…Lydia has been in here every fucking day talking to you while you were in a coma…She was in this morning. She has been worried sick about you.” Craig turns me to face him.
“Why? I’m fucked up Craig”
“Because you are an amazing woman, you are so strong and still drop dead gorgeous, even with scars. I will warn you though, she’s been getting to know things about you from Lucy…We’ve heard a few stories” He said blushing.
“Ughh…Lucy…” I groan as he chuckles.
“My sister really likes you I don’t think it would take much for her to love you right now” Craig says as I look at him in shock.
“That’s crazy…” I bite my lip, thinking of Lydia, she was amazing, she was perfect.
“By that look, I don’t think it’s long until you love her either…” Craig smirks.
“Shut up and get out” I laugh as I shove him out so I can get changed.
They are just scars Kat, just scars…Lydia, god that woman was never far from my mind…
I put on the loose black jeans, red vest top with my leather jacket as I began to feel a little more like myself.
“You ready Kat?” I hear Toby call out as I grab my bag and head out.
“Ready” I smile as he takes my hand and leads me out the room. I wave goodbye to the doctor as the boys shake his hand and we walk out to the car.
I stop short of the car as my hand shakes.
“Kat…Listen to me, nothing is going to happen. You are safe. Look at me Katrina” Craig stands in front of me as I focus.
“What if we crash?” I stammer.
“We aren’t going to crash. You are safe” He repeats as I focus on my breathing.
“Car won’t crash. Billy is gone. I am safe” I repeat as I begin to follow them again slowly.
“Keep saying it” Craig he pushes as we get into the car.
“Car won’t crash, Billy is gone, and I am safe” I repeat.
“Good girl” He smiles as Toby begins driving. I notice the nod he gives Craig in thanks.
“You are safe Kat” Craig says holding my hand tight.
“I am stupid…” I laugh, leaning my head back and sighing.
“You’re not stupid Kat, it’s going to take time to work your head around this. But we will help you and you will get through it” Toby says.
“Thank you” I murmur.
I begin to think back to the images from my head before I woke up as tears fall down my face.
“Benji” I cry.
“Kat?” Craig murmurs.
“Benji’s dead Kat” Toby murmurs.
“I know…Before I woke up…I…Uh… I saw him…And Mum…Oliver too…” I sniff.
“What did they day?” Toby asks. Craig looks at him like he’s crazy.
“That I was brave and strong, that they loved me and missed me, but I had to come back. Oliver said he was sorry for what he did, to look after Lydia, Hayley and Ollie for him” I cry.
“Well at least someone has sense up there” Toby smiles.
“I miss them Toby” I cry.
“I know…Me too Kat, me too” He nods.
“Are you ready for this? We’re here” Craig says as we pull up to the house. Cars are parked everywhere.
“I feel sick” I grumble, I feel nervous.
“It’s ok. It’s just family Kat” Toby smiles getting out the car as I step out. He takes my hand as Craig wanders forward with a smirk.
“Can you smell that? I need food! Someone stole mine!” Craig says as I giggle.
Toby opens the door.
“Anyone around?” He calls out.
“They must all be outside” Craig says as we wander through the house.
“Hey! Craig! I thought you were replacing Toby on Kat watch” I hear Lucy say, confusion flooding her voice.
“Well uhh, slight change of plan” he mutters.
Toby walks forward hiding me behind him.
“Toby! If you’re here who the fuck is with Kat?” Mason growls.
“I am” Toby smirks as both him a Craig move out the way to show me behind them.
“KAT!” They all shout excitedly before it becomes a rush of people talking at the same time, each checking me over.
I grip Toby’s hand hard as it all becomes a bit much at once as he frowns.
“Guys! Back up, give her some room!” Toby shouts as they all stare at my shaking hands.
“Kat! Shhh, you are safe” Craig says in front of me once again.
“Toby? What’s wrong with her?” Lucy asks.
“It’s going to take time for her to get back to normal Lucy.” He sighs and hugs me tight to him.
“Kat? Look at me, we’re all here, we won’t swamp you like that again. But you are safe and home” Travis walks up slowly to me.
“Travis…” I cry as I run up and hug him.
“It’s ok, we’re here” Travis says as I sob in his arms, he was the closest to a father I had, and I felt like I needed his hug.
It helped, I felt better as my eyes wandered over my family, all looking over me with worry flooded faces.
“Kat, someone needs his mum” Toby wanders over with Ollie in his arms as I take him gently, tears come once again as I kiss his head.
“Mummy loves you so much baby boy” I cry, he snuggles into my chest and it’s like he can sense I’m there in his sleep as he settles, holding onto my top.
“Where’s Connor?” Craig asks as my eyes look up, noticing him missing.
“He’ll be here soon” Mason answers as my eyes find him.
“Mason…” I smile as he comes towards me.
“You scared us” He says from his wheelchair.
“I’m sorry” I blub.
“Don’t be. We’re just all glad that you’re home” He sighs as I lean down and hug him.
I stand and find my other two brothers behind me as I fall into their arms, being careful not to crush Ollie in the process.
“You’re a fucking idiot…Who stabs someone who’s driving…God damn it Kat” Nathan mumbles as he hugs me tight.
“I’m sorry” I cry as they kiss my head.
“We missed you Kitty Kat” Bobby smiles.
“Lucy!” I cry as I spot her behind them.
“Give me Ollie” Nathan smirks as he takes him as I rush into Lucy’s arms.
“You ever do something like that again and I’ll kill you myself” She mumbles into my shoulder.
“Deal” I laugh as she wipes away my tears.
I wave at Jasmine and Lila who take it in turns to say hello before my eyes land on Lydia and Hayley who hadn’t realised I was here yet, as they were at the top end of the huge garden Travis had.
“Go” Craig said pushing me forward as I smile and walk up there as the others begin chatting.
“Wait help me with something” I smirk as I tell him my plan.
“Mummy, look a lady-bug!” Hayley giggles.
“Oh wow Hayley, that’s so pretty” Lydia smiles as I sneak up behind them, hiding behind a tree.
“I miss Kat” Hayley sighs.
“Me too baby, we’ll go see her tomorrow” Lydia kisses her head.
“But I want her here! Now!” Hayley stomps.
“Hayley, I know, we all do” Lydia says as I see the tears about to come out both their eyes.
“Hey girls!” Craig wanders up with a grin.
“What are you doing here?” Lydia asks.
“I needed food” He shrugs as I try not to giggle.
“And food is more important than Kat?” Lydia sneers.
“No, of course not. Ok, let me ask you this, if you could make a wish right now, what would it be? Would you wish her to be here right now?” Craig smiles.
“Yes!” Hayley shouts.
“Of course I would. I pray every day that she wakes up and comes back to us” Lydia says.
“Ok, so close your eyes, and wish really, really hard” He eyes Hayley as she does it immediately.
“What…” Lydia raises a brow.
“Work with me here Lydia” He nods to Hayley as Lydia nods, but I can see she’s confused.
Craig gestures me over as I quietly step in front of them both with Craig.
“So, are you wishing really hard?” Craig smirks.
“Yes! I wish Kat was here!” Hayley giggles.
“Yes Craig, I’m wishing that Kat was here so I could kiss her and hold her and never let go” Lydia says, and I smile as I step forward as I slowly put my arms around her as she tenses.
“Lucy, that’s not funny” Lydia growls.
“I’m not Lucy” I say in her ear as her eyes open quickly and she squeals.
“Hayley, open your eyes” Craig laughs as she hasn’t opened hers yet as she squeals like her mother as I’m hugged tightly by both.
“Hey beautiful girls” I laugh.
“You’re here…Like actually here” Lydia says as Hayley as rushed into her Uncles arms as they are laughing.
“I’m here Lydia” I say as she kisses me hard and I kiss her back, my arms around her, pulling her close.
“I missed you” She cries.
“I missed you too. But I’m here now, I’m home” I kiss her lips softly as she smiles and leans her forehead against mine, the tears flowing as she doesn’t want to let go and neither do I.
“Toby! Toby! What happened?! I went to the hospital and she’s gone!” I hear the shouting as we turn towards the back door to see a panicked Connor.
“Connor…” Mason says.
“No, she’s not dead…” He cries out.
“She’s not dead dude, look!” Mason laughs and points towards us as I wave at him and he sprints towards us as Lydia lets go.
“You fucking idiot” Connor says as he lifts me and spins me around as I laugh in his arms.
“Put me down big guy” I laugh as he puts me down and keeps looking at me like he’s dreaming.
“Do I need to pinch you too? Craig thought he was dreaming” I laugh as Lydia puts her arms around my waist and Hayley wraps herself around my leg, hugging me.
“You’re awake…You’re finally home…I thought…I thought…” He murmurs.
“You didn’t think you could get rid of me so soon did you?” I smirk.
“The fucking car…the glass…Billy…we thought we lost you…when you passed out…we thought you were dying…” He murmurs as my head goes back to that day once more, my hands are shaking again. The glass, my scream, Billy looming over me.
“KATRINA! Listen to me now, you are home, you are safe, Billy is gone, come on Kat” Craig’s voice calls out to me, calling me back into this moment.
“What’s happening mummy?” Hayley murmurs.
“Hayley go with mummy and sit with Lucy” Craig says.
“Craig what’s going on?” Lydia says.
“It’s…It’s like a panic attack, she keeps reliving that day…Well done Connor” Craig grumbles.
“He’s gonna kill me” I cry.
“Kat, Billy is gone, he’s dead. You are in Travis’s garden, you are safe” Craig says as images flash in and out.
“Kat…” Connor murmurs.
“Katrina, I need you to name three colours” Craig says as I frown.
“Blue, red and yellow” I answer as I’m confused at why he asked.
“Name three smells you can smell right now” He asks.
I focus on what he’s asking.
“Burgers cooking, Lydia’s perfume and Connor’s body spray” I answer as I open my eyes and the images are gone.
“There we go” Craig smiles.
“What was with the questions?” Connor asks.
“If someone’s having an attack, a method that can be used is to question them, get them thinking of something else. It worked” He smiles.
“Thank you. I hate this, my head, it’s a mess one minute and then it’s like I’m back to normal another” I cry.
“We’ll get you help, just like the doctor said and you’ll be ok” Craig smiles and hugs me.
“Thanks” I smile.
“Ok, so right now, we are going to go back, eat some food and take it step by step ok. You can do this Kat” He smiles as we head back.
“Of course she can. She’s Smoke, the amazing Katrina Smoak” Connor smiles.