Smoke

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Chapter Thirty-Five

“No…Billy…Get off…NO!” I scream as I wake up to Nathan shaking my shoulders.

“Kat! Wake up! It’s just a dream!” He shouts as I end up punching him as he falls to the floor.

“Shit! Nathan! I’m sorry!” I cry as I fumble down to him.

“Those nightmares are getting worse aren’t they?” Nathan groans.

“Every night, I can’t take it. The counselling isn’t working Nath” I sigh as tears fall down my cheeks.

It had been a few weeks since I was home, and everyone was wary of when my next breakdown would be as I had them so often.

I tried to keep my mind busy with work, but it just wasn’t working. I had distanced myself from Lydia and Hayley as I was struggling with my outbursts and didn’t want to hurt them. I saw them each week, but never alone. Nathan decided to move in with Ollie and me so I wasn’t alone, and he kept getting the brunt of the fall out when I broke down, and I couldn’t stand it, I hated this.

“It’s going to take time Kat” He says leading me back to bed as he gets in beside me, stroking my head.

“I can’t keep doing this to you. This will be the third black eye I give you Nath. What if I did something to Ollie? I can’t control it, it’s like, it’s like I can’t see when it happens, I just see HIM.” I cry into his shoulder.

“Listen, Ollie is safe in his room and I’d rather you punch me than hurt yourself or someone else. I can take a hit Kat” He says.

“I don’t want you taking hits!”

“I know…Maybe we need to talk with Travis again…” He sighs.

“You mean that facility…” I look up at my brother.

“Weekly counselling isn’t working and you’re going to hurt yourself. We need to do something. What if you have an episode when crossing the street? You’ll get run over!” Nathan says.

“Ok…We’ll talk to Travis. I need this out of my head Nathan. I need to get back to normal” I sigh in his arms.

“I know, we’ll get you there.” He kisses my head.

“I miss Lydia” I sigh.

“Then we’ll go see her”

“I can’t, I can’t bring her into my madness right now. I don’t want to hurt her or Hayley”

“You’re hurting them by staying away, they love you Kat, we all do. Stop avoiding everyone because you’re having trouble. We are here to help. You can’t keep yourself locked away in the office all day like you’ve been doing. It’s not healthy. Plus, Craig is just about ready to burst down the doors when you do it, you’re scaring people”

“I’m sorry. I’ll try not to do it so much” I sigh.

“Baby steps Kat” Nathan says.

“Step one…Talk to Travis” I reply.

“No, step one is go back to sleep. Step two, wake up and try to avoid punching your brother, step three be with your child, step four go see Travis with your amazing big brother” Nathan smirks and I giggle.

“Thank you Nathan” I kiss his cheek and rest my head against his chest, focusing on his heart beat as we both fall back to sleep.

I wake up in the morning, this time without a nightmare as I smile.

“No screaming…No punch yet…My god I think step two is complete” Nathan says sleepily next to me.

“Shut up dork” I smack his arm playfully.

“I stand corrected, little sister is still mean to me” He laughs.

I laugh getting up and wander out to go shower quickly. When I’m out Nathan has Ollie and is feeding him.

“I can’t believe he’s going to be a year old in two months” I sigh, kissing his head, he had grown so much already, time was flying by.

“He looks more like Oliver more and more” Nathan says.

“He does doesn’t he…Good thing Oliver was a looker…Ollie’s going to be a heartbreaker” I laugh as I grab some breakfast.

“Anyone in?!” Travis walks in the door with Lila behind him.

“Morning Travis, morning Lila” I smile as I spoon a spoonful of mushed up mango into Ollie’s mouth as he squeals at me with a smile.

“Is that yummy baby boy?” I smile as he giggles in his chair.

“He’ll be crawling soon, he’s going to be trouble, I can sense it already” Travis chuckles ruffling the tuft of dark hair on Ollie’s head.

“If he’s anything like the Kingsley’s I don’t doubt he’s going to be trouble” Nathan laughs as I chuck a spoon at him.

“He’s going to be an angel” I smirk.

“He’ll be a mummy’s boy, that’s for sure.” Lila says sitting beside me after giving me a brief hug.

“So, uh, I called Travis over to have that chat we were talking about last night Kat” Nathan begins playing with his fingers at the breakfast bar.

“That’s good…” I nod giving him a reassuring smile as he seemed to sigh in relief.

“So, what do I owe the pleasure of being here to?” Travis asks.

“The facility you were talking about…The counselling itself isn’t working…I punched Nathan again…” I sigh as Travis finally looks at Nathan’s face as he hisses.

“Ouch, that one looks painful…” Travis says giving him a quick look over.

“Had worse in the ring. It’s fine Travis” Nathan nods.

“No it’s not fine…I can’t control it. I need more help” I sigh.

“Ok, so I will contact my friend Michael who works for a facility nearby, they do a course of counselling and help for people who are struggling with PTSD and other issues. They work with you for a whole month, to which the first two weeks they set up watching you to see where your struggling, what triggers and all of that. Then the next two weeks you spend inside the facility while they concentrate on it. After, you can come back home, family will also be taught a few things to help during this time, but they keep in contact as long as you need them” Travis says.

“We have a bit of an issue with that Travis…” I sigh.

“What?” He raises a brow.

“The club, it’s an illegal fighting ring for a start. Connor and Craig are part of a gang…If I’m being watched, they’ll find out everything if they watch me” I point out.

“Don’t worry about that. Michael is a frequent visitor of the ring. He’s a good friend of mine, he’ll know what to do” Travis smiles.

“Well then, make the call Travis. The sooner we start this, the sooner we get Kat back healthy” Lila smiles holding my hand.

“So, I uh, made one more call Kat, don’t kill me…” Nathan says as the doorbell goes.

“Nathan, what have you done?” I ask.

“Go answer it” He nods as Travis smirks.

I walk to the front door as I open it slowly, curious at who Nathan had called.

“Lydia…” I breath out as she’s stood there with a gorgeous smile on her face as she rushes into my arms.

“I’ve missed you” She says into my neck as I cry.

“I’ve missed you too, so much. I’m sorry, I keep pushing you away” I cry.

“It’s ok. Nathan explained everything to me this morning, I’m not going anywhere and will help you get through this Kat” Lydia kisses me softly.

I look into her eyes and my heart flutters.

“God I fucking love you” I smile and then my eyes widen as soon as I realise what I had said. But it was true, I loved her.

“You love me…” She smiles.

“I do, I know we haven’t known each other long, but you’ve stuck by me, you’ve stuck with my family, you have the most amazing little girl, you’re everything I want.” I blush.

“I love you too” She says as she kisses me harder, smiling into the kiss.

“Hayley for god sake leave them alone a minute!” I hear Craig shout behind.

We’re bundled into by Hayley as she runs into our legs.

“Well hi there Hayley” I giggle.

“Kat!” She smiles and squeezes us as Lydia picks her up and kisses her cheek.

“Hey Kat” Craig smiles.

“What did I tell you about behaving young lady?” Lydia raises a brow at Hayley as she bows her head.

“To do as Uncle Craig said or I get no tv time” She sighs.

“Now when Uncle Craig told you to wait, why didn’t you listen?”

“I missed Kat mummy, I’m sorry!” Hayley cries.

“Oh Hayley I can’t argue with that” Lydia smirks.

“Can we go inside now, I’m cold and hungry!” Craig exclaims as I laugh and let them in.

“You’re always hungry” I roll my eyes.

“Shut up” He smirks, shoving me playfully.

Suddenly there’s the sound of a glass breaking as I tumble to the ground, fingers gripping into my hair as I begin to panic.

“Kat! It was just Hayley dropping a glass, you’re safe!” Craig rushes to my side as I try to focus on my breathing.

“Craig back up” Nathan warns.

“What why?” Craig questions as my breathing isn’t working, my mind is in that moment being thrown from the car, Billy above me.

I lash out…

“Fuck!” Craig grumbles.

“Kat! STOP! You’re home. You’re safe, you’re not there” Nathan grabs my arms to stop me as I slowly begin to calm.

“I’m safe…I’m safe” I repeat as I come out of my panic.

“I told you to back up” Nathan says smirking as I turn to Craig who now also sorted a black eye.

“How long has that been going on?” Craig asks.

“Last two weeks…Not all the time, mainly when she has a nightmare, or something triggers her randomly” Nathan answers.

“Let me go, I’m ok” I answer as he looks at me and nods, letting me go.

“Travis is calling Michael now. I didn’t know it had gotten so bad Kat” Lila said coming out from the kitchen.

“I told Nathan not to tell anyone…That I could deal with it…But I can’t… I’m sorry Craig” I sigh as I see the bruise forming on his cheek already.

“Better me than someone else” He shrugs.

“Nathan said that too” I laugh.

“Right, come on, you need to cuddle Ollie and get your head back on straight” Nathan helps me up.

“Is that wise?” Craig raises a brow.

“She’s never hurt him he keeps her together.” Nathan answers.

“Well that’s something at least” Lila smiles as we walk into the kitchen as Lydia is cleaning up the glass as Hayley is sitting with Ollie, puffy eyed.

“Hayley don’t cry” I kiss her head and then Ollie’s.

“I…I…I…I didn’t mean to do it, it slipped…” Hayley blubs.

“It was an accident Hayley, it’s ok” Lydia says as she throws the glass into the bin carefully.

“Oh Ollie you’re in such a mess baby boy” I roll my eyes at the state of him, he’s covered in mango.

I lift him out of his chair.
“Want to come help me change him Hayley?” I ask.
“Yeah!” She says excitedly.

“I’ll come too” Craig says.

“We’ll be fine Craig” I sigh.

“I’m coming all the same”.

“Craig, I’m not going to hurt them. I’m fine” I urge, glaring at him.

“Deal with it” he snaps.

“Craig, enough. Let her go with Hayley, if she says she’s fine, she’s fine” Lydia snaps at her brother and gives me a smile as Hayley takes my hand and we head upstairs.

“You’re not scared of me are you Hayley?” I ask.

“No…I have nightmares too I kick in mine. I kicked mummy by accident, and she forgave me. We forgive you too. You’ll get better with a doctor” She smiles as we change Ollie into a new set of clothes.

“Thank you Hayley” I kiss her head.

“Are you and my mum together?” She asks.

“I…Uh…Well, kind of…” I answer, we hadn’t really discussed it. We had literally told each other that we loved each other today, we hadn’t labelled us.

“It would be cool if you were…Then Ollie would REALLY be my brother and you’d be like a second mummy” She smiles as she plays with Ollie’s hand.

“I’ll talk with Lydia later about it. I love your mummy you know that?” I smile

“Yeah I can see it. I’m six, not stupid” She says, and I laugh.

“You are far from stupid Hayley. Now, I’m going to go get a wash cloth to wipe his face, can you watch him a second?” I smile

“Yeah” She smiles. I head into the bathroom.

“KAT!” She cries out as I burst out the bathroom and crash into the nursery.

“What happened?” I panic.

“He’s crawling!” She smiles, pointing as he’s slowly crawling.

“Oh my god” I squeal, tears in my eyes.

Hayley giggles and runs out the room, down the stairs as I hear her laughing and shouting at the others downstairs.

“Come to me baby” I clap at Ollie as he giggles, crawling slowly to me, fumbling a little before getting back up.

“He’s crawling!” Nathan exclaims as I see his face light up watching him as the others pile up in the doorway.

“Yay baby boy!” I exclaim as he gets into my lap and I pick him up kissing his face multiple times laughing.

“Now the fun begins” Lila smirks.

“Won’t stop him now” Travis grins.

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