Blood. It always ended in blood.
The smell filled the air with it's disgusting inescapable vapour. It burned under me, around me and all over me. Not a relaxing warmth either. This was sticky and muggy, the kind of heat that made you crave to sink to the bottom of a cold pool. It made your skin crawl, and mine may as well be covered in ants from how terribly uncomfortable I was.
My body wouldn't move, I felt so paralyzed and helpless, the thought alone of moving making my muscles protest. Then again, that could just be the multiple open wounds I had. Couldn't it? Do you think that's it? Maybe it was the darkness around me? Maybe it was due to the previous horror I'd just endured? It could be any, perhaps I should close my eyes and randomly point at one? That would be fun, right?
I couldn't fucking move. The adrenaline long gone and dear god I wanted it back. I just wanted enough to get up, to return somewhere safe. Somewhere where there wasn't another freak boy thinking I was a fucking toy. An object, that's what it was; I wasn't human to these boys, I was... Whatever they needed at the time. A fuck. A rage outlet. A boxing bag. A power release. Whatever needed.
I tilted my head, feeling the consequence immediately as all those thick wounds screamed out with angry stings. I didn't hear the groan, but I felt it slip out of my lips, quickly devoured by the night. It was late... The freaks were probably roaming around and getting into fights, letting loose and being just plain fucking stupid. Well; if they got caught, that was there problem; not mine.
I closed my eyes tightly, very aware of how much blood I was losing and how fast. I was pumping it out so quick that I didn't know which areas I should be applying pressure to; not that I would have the strength to try. Everything hurt in degrees of pain I couldn't even explain, degrees that should never be experienced. Degrees that meant death.
I clenched my teeth, tensing my muscles and trying to force myself to, at the very least, sit up. My entire body tensed and collapsed again. Breathing heavily I reattempted. This time I got a centimetre off the ground, when my body gave out and slid against the uneven concrete beneath me. Scraping at those gaping wounds and making my eyes close in agony.
I wanted to pull my pants back up. I wanted to cover myself up. I wanted to run until I couldn't breathe. I wanted to scream till nothing came out. But i couldn't. It all just hurt too much.
The glass from his smashed beer bottle itched beside my hip, some empty pill bottles and some very scary looking needles covered in rust and other unidentifiable things were further away. Rubbish was everywhere, the bin nearby tipped over and scattering it's trash as if it were petals at a wedding. Though; the barf-worthy smell of garbage was missing, the smell of my fucking blood wasn't.
The night was freezing, the wind cold and against my blood and soaking clothes; I was nearly shivering. It hurt too. Sending little pulses of agony through me like shocks. Leading my eyes to the left, my tank top was a few metres away and how much I craved even such a small piece of clothing right now was sad. Eyes now dropping down my body; I was oddly grateful that he had left my underwear on. My jeans hiked down my legs and keeping my thighs exposed, but my underwear was still on at least.
He hadn't been patient enough to take them off, just moving the cloth aside and- Well it hurt. I was definitely bleeding down there; which is shocking since my virginity was long gone. Though it wasn't the first time I'd bled; I knew it was far from the last. Well... Unless I died tonight.
I wasn't surprised he'd taken off. Even 'kind' enough to toss me his jacket which laid under my head. Not kind enough to help me up, he'd just taken off. I didn't blame him, I mean; who sticks around after raping someone? Stupid people. People who want to get caught, but then again... In this day and age, everyone got away with everything. It angered me, but I understood; I wouldn't want to be set on fire, or torn in half or something worse.
He had taken off so quick I was almost sure he disappeared right into thin air. I mean, after what my unofficial big brother had told the guy; I'd be off fast too. Still, it was so stupid that he didn't think Toby would find him. Not that it mattered in retrospect; his deed had been done. Him dying or being hurt or anything wouldn't change that. After the years I'd come to realise; though, it made you feel better, it did nothing.
Neck arching, I brought my head down against the cement hard; semi-scolding myself for letting that man catch me. Again. I felt invaded, I felt sore, and I felt so very dirty. Tears stained my cheeks but those tears had made there trails ages ago now. They were nothing but tightness in my cheeks and dryness in my eyes.
A sigh escaped me, causing pain to jutter through me; I hadn't been able to watch him leave, I hadn't bothered to. Maybe I had even been scared to. I was just so glad he had stopped that I couldn't do anything. I couldn't give him abuse for it; physically or even verbally. All I did, as he had zipped his zipper up and pulled his shirt on; was look up at the stars. Shaking from the cold and listening to my own sputtering and stuttering sounds as blood spilled out of me.
Could I blame myself for being too scared to look at him; scared he would turn around and do it again? I didn't think so, but deep beneath the tough layer I knew it was wrong. I let out a sharp moan as I moved my arm, feeling stinging erupt up my arm and set off my chest with unbearable pain. Fresh tears stung my eyes from the intensity; At least I'm still hydrated enough to cry.
Was this how it was all going to end? Bleeding to death, after being raped by my now 'ex-boyfriend' and for what? Because I wouldn't let him hold power over me. Inwardly, a frustrated groan formed; how had I let this happen again? They were all the same, it never mattered how much they 'loved' me or told me that they would never 'hurt' or 'leave' me, that they would 'look after me' or whatever bullshit they said.
It always, always, ended in fucking blood. Sometimes it started with blood, sometimes there was blood in-between. The constant was the same, no matter the relationship: friendly, sexual, family. It would always end in blood. The type that tainted your sleep for life, the kind that made you weary of the colour even though you knew it was stupid. But that didn't matter; what did, was that everything; everything, ended in blood.
I mean, Toby and Trixter were the only exception. Toby my unofficial big brother, and Trixter my bestest friend and lover. Though, Trix had been gone for years now... He'd left my heart bleeding from the heartbreak of his disapearance. He had been my best friend for a long time, he'd looked after me and protected me. We had even been in love for a little while; until we mutually decided we preferred to remain friends. We loved eachother, but we didn't fit properly enough to belong to one another like that. We fit more with best friends, with a little plus sign on the end... I mean, the pieces can't fit if they're exactly the same, can they?
Toby on the other hand, he had been there since that I considered the beginning; because he made things change when I met him. He was like the non-biological brother that I needed. He made sure I was fed, made sure I didn't get sick and looked after me when I was. Protective of me, always there to help and listen when I had been hurt or sexually assaulted, raped or harassed. He picked up the pieces after every bad experience, gave me fresh-er clothes and other things. He was fair to me, and he loved me.
Now I know what you're thinking; Why didn't I just go live with him then? Instead of being on the streets as easy prey on bored boys? Nothing is ever that simple.
I tried to focus on the stars, what was I thinking? It seemed to have completely escaped me suddenly, which made me get stuck on how my vision was blurring and it hurt to focus on anything really. I moved a hand, trying to reach for the knife that was just a few centimetres out of reach; maybe I could distract my mind with stars while I grabbed the knife? Would that make it hurt less; probably not, but it was worth a try.
It hurt like a bitch to stretch for it, just a few centimetres away from my hand. So close, yet it felt a million kilometres away. I pushed passed the pain the best I could, because dammit I would need that knife if anybody came back or found me. I gasped as my muscles screamed from the stretch, seeing and feeling the ripples stir in the blood puddle that surrounded me. I stretched a bit harder; pain filled moans stolen from me soon after.
I felt the words come out, before I had intended to say it. "Toby" I release in a whisper, maybe even a breath. Like a prayer, like I genuinely thought he would somehow hear it and find me. Maybe appear like a genie and get me out of this shitty ass town.
Toby was the only exception to my all-boy-hate, he was the only one where I didn't mind that he had powers. He was the one boy I trusted that was around; no sorry, he was the only person I trusted in general. Though there was an issue; one we couldn't get around.
See, he lives with a group of other boys. Which, yes, it makes sense as it would be far safer in a group then it would be alone. The government, CAPRD (we will get into that later), was always rounding them up or killing them off, so in all honesty, I was very glad he was with a group that had his back. If it meant he was safe. But on the other hand, selfishly, I wanted him to live with me. I did understand why he chose the safer option; I would too, if it were optional.
Despite this, he was always trying to get me to come live with him and his group of lost boys. Trying to convince them to let me stay; but it wasn't working on both parties, so i'd been able to avoid it for over a year now.
I wasn't complaining. It made sense, his friends wouldn't allow it, and on the other side he didn't want to risk any bad things happening. I was dangerous. I'd be a liability. I'd wreak havoc unintentionally. Plus; I didn't want to house with a bunch of freaks anyway. They would just fuck me up some more and I knew I wouldn't be able to leave because I wouldn't want to leave Toby; and he'd bring me right back if I did. Imagine the man hunt for me if I did get away. No thank you.
Back to the situation at hand, i'm still lying on my back in the middle of an, oddly thin, alleyway. I could guess the time is around four in the morning, meaning I was supposed to be meeting with Toby at the warehouse soon. I mean, I was halfway there, I had been on my way there when this...problem, occurred. I knew I was somewhere between Flagatory Lane and West Juliet Boulevard, but I didn't know exactly where. I could be a building away, or thirty. Bleeding to death and painting the grounds with my essence.
Fucking Phoenix. That had been the jerks name, and before he'd started basically killing me me and taking advantage of me earlier; we were having a bad fight. He didn't want me anymore, the feelings were mutual, because apparently the 'pretty face' wasn't worth how misbehaved I was. Due to the lacking of submission...He said I was useless. I didn't know when to roll over and die, and I couldn't even give him children; like that was an issue for him.
In all honesty, I didn't even care about him 'dumping me'. I didn't love him, I was only really using him for my own protection. As always, he'd come back and try again, hurt me when I told him no or it was over, he'd rape me or bash me up and then leave again.
The cycles were always the same. Boys just never knew when to quit with girls, they just thought they deserved a million chances even though then never changed. No wait, sorry, they didn't even think they were doing anything wrong; that it was my fault.
Tonight's episode hadn't surprised me. He'd done it before, hurt me and raped me I mean. He just hadn't done it this severely before. I was used to boys turning on me, backstabbing me, abusing me and doing whatever the fuck they wanted to me; then throwing me away. I'd come to the conclusion a long time ago that boys were fucking heartless. That bloody disease must have corrupted them more. Made them lust for power, made them think they could have whatever they wanted.
But in all honesty; I had no clue how all this worked. I mean... Not every single boy was bad. But the vast majority were, there ego and power had just turned them selfish and plain fucked. I knew that a few were genuine, a couple that were okay, but every other encounter I'd had with the opposing sex was bad news; and god I swore I never properly learned. Maybe I did... But I didn't listen to that knowledge, did I?