Sweat dripped off my forehead, brow line, and hair line, and my grey t-shirt was drenched from my workout where I had repeatedly hit the punch bag full of sand to the point where the seams ripped open and sand had poured out of it covering me in the horrid gritty stuff but with a shake down of my body I managed to get most of it before wandering over to get another bag and attaching it to the chain clip and punching it has hard as I could I couldn’t really feel any pain although my hands were split and probably bleeding they were numb because I had been at it ever since I woke up trying anything to get rid of the nightmare that plagues my memories
When that bag flew off the clip and followed the same fate as the one before it I took it as a sign to stop and if my laboured breathing was anything to do with it, my body was probably glad that I stopped because my muscles were terribly sore but I didn’t really pay them much attention after the first hour because they came as a dull ache and I didn’t mind that much
I ran my hand through my damp matted hair and I was pretty sure that small droplets of blood weaved their way through my hair as well but it didn’t matter much anyway because soon I would be in a nice hot shower meaning that then and only then would I wash out my hair but for now I need to calm down and cool off before I did anything to see if there was a way I could get these memories out of my head
Sitting down in the middle of my training room that was deserted I then proceed to flop down onto my back with my legs still crossed tightly together and I closed my eyes for a bit hoping to get rid of the memories but that appeared to a mistake when closing my eyes did the opposite to what I needed them to do because visions and shards of the memories flashed through my eyes making my breathing pick up again
Suddenly the door swung open and I shot up like a rocket my eyes scanning the room in alarm but my body relaxed when it saw no danger and that it was only my little brother at the door a scowl on his face paired with a passive blank expression but his eyes were alight with fear and #I realised that I was still pointing the gun towards him that I grabbed when I abruptly sat up and I pushed it into my lap as Samuel walked further into the room
“Sorry” I quickly apologise
“I-it’s alright” He stutters clearly caught off guard that I had actually apologised before he coughs, recovers and gets to the part that he actually came in for and said “You missed collage today and I wanted to check that it wasn’t because you shot both Will and Oliver and the janitor people are starting to wonder where they are y’know? But that doesn’t matter my question is; how are you?”
If only he knew. . .
But instead of saying how I actually felt I just nodded my head and said “Yeah I only skipped because I was tired from staying up all night playing Xbox games with my little bro to distract him from the horrors of my job and the fear and guilt that he felt” My answer wasn’t a direct lie because I was tired just not for the reasons that I led my dear brother to believe
What Samuel did next surprised the both of us when he called me out on my little lie “Bullshit” He stated plain and clear as day before he continued and I didn’t stop him like I would if anyone else called bullshit on me “I was there with you, I saw how you hesitated ever so slightly before sticking a bullet in Will’s heart I played on the Xbox with you and saw the guilt on your face every time you went to kill a player and lastly I went to bed at the same time as you and even from my room I could hear small screams of terror and the only reason that i didn’t check up on you was because you would most likely have beheaded me like you nearly just did if I had done”
He thought it was to do with Oliver and Will oh bless his heart if only he knew what it was really about I strongly doubt that he would be this kind to me after all four years ago I did make my first proper murder and it was on our parents
I nodded “Yea your probably right, I just feel guilty all the time you know? and when I try and supress that guilt it just comes back harder to bite me in the ass” I say to him and he nods sadness flickering in his eyes but his eyes also held some level of understanding like he knew what I had been through what I was going through and what I will go through
“That means your changing and that whatever brainwashing shit our parents did to you to mould you into their perfect murder bot simply isn’t working on you anymore your beginning to feel emotions that you have no idea what to do with right? I get that” Samuel says with all the confidence in the world backing up his voice but after what I did four years ago after what they made me and what I did only yesterday and then I can just pretend that’s in any normal day and I didn’t just murder three people. . .The thing is I’m not sure I have changed or well am changing
I am just a cold hearted person who could kill a family of people in a instant without even blinking.