Chapter 21 - Breakdown
Warning: Extremely long chapter ahead
When I reached the hospital I took a two hours nap and then Jayla cut my hair short, just five centimeters above my shoulder. After that, I ate a snack and sleep the whole day.
~ Midnight ~
I woke up by midnight, my mind running through the events of today, and the memory of my father came to me and I just couldn’t forget... One moment he was being nice to me, kind, even, and then, like a switch went off he turned cold and a complete judgemental jerk.
He scoffed at me and by the look on his face, I could tell that he was thinking of me as if I was whore!
Me, a whore, a thing that I’ll never be!
Hell, if I can I’ll never let a man touch me sexually, I’ll prefer to kill myself over having to go through the same thing I did with Igor. And to know that he’ll try to take my baby away from me, it’s simply unacceptable!
And I pledge to any god out there who may be listening to me that I’ll never ever lay with a man willingly. For that to happen, the world must be ending.
And fuck, if Igor ever manages to take my little girl from me, I think I’ll slowly die from heartbreak. I would kill myself, but knowing that my little girl would be out there, somewhere in the world with that piece of shit is enough to keep me alive and searching for her.
Without meaning too, my thoughts go back to my father, the face he made when he first noticed that I’m pregnant, his scoff, the look of disgust on his face, the way his eyes hardened and turned cold... It broke me...
Bitter tears start streaming down my face, they are uncontrollable and the more they fall, the more the ache in my chest grows to an unbearable and agonizing pain that makes me sob. My sobs grow aggressive, racking my whole body with each one of them. Soon breathing becomes a hard task but the fear of passing out and hurting my baby has me fighting back.
I need the stars, the stars can calm me down. Mom and Raul will calm me down, after all, they are somewhere among the stars... With a blurry trip, I reach the same big window my uncle meet me in, I slide down the wall facing the window and cry my heart out with the skies witnessing. Just by being under the stars, I feel myself calm down a bit. Air gets inside my lungs easier and my sobs die down a little, I know this has to be mom’s doing. She always managed to calm me down quickly, but my dark thoughts still have their claws on me.
And that’s how he found me...
One more day of faking being in a coma, one more night of going out to that window to watch the night turn into day. How much longer I can keep this up I don’t know. But I refuse to let my family see me like this, incapacitated and unable to walk.
Sure, the doctors say that I’m going to walk again, that with physiotherapy I’ll be walking in less than four months but still I’ve tried to walk on my own and the only thing I was able to do was fell to the floor. If my family saw me now they’ll be ashamed of me... I manage to get out of bed and into my wheelchair and out of my room, making my usual trip to the window where I first meet that girl.
I’ve never seen her again since the other day but I know she’s still in the hospital. I heard from some nurses gossiping that the girl got a haircut and left the hospital for the whole morning without being discharged.
I was more than halfway through the path that leads me to the big windows facing the street when I heard this weird chocked-out sound mixed with a whispered song.
“...you a-ar-are my sunshine, *sobs*, my only sunshine, *sniff* *sniff*, You make me happyyy when skies are grey *sobs and sniffs* you’ll never dear, how much I love you.” The girl singing this song brokenly took a deep breath and, in between heavy sobs she chocked out the last verse.
“Pl-please don’t take my sunshine away...” Right after finish singing this verse, the girl completely broke down.
“I don’t know what I’ll do if he ever takes you from me, my little love.” The girl sobbed. Her voice was very familiar, making my heart painfully race in my chest.
I wheeled myself towards the windows and found the blond girl on the floor sobbing and whispering nonsensical things, she looked up at me, tears falling down her red, puffy face, and ignored me, mumbling something about not wanting to see the disgust and rejection written all over my face, whatever that means...
Watching her like this didn’t feel right, it upset me to see her looking so broken and shaken up. And so, the next thing I know I’m bending down, lifting her from the floor with my very protesting muscles and setting her on my lap. And much to my astonishment, the girl doesn’t cower away from me, instead, she burrows her head in the crook of my neck and cries her heart out while hugging her stomach with one arm and hugging my neck with the other. I keep my arms securely wrapped around her and softly rub her back, staying like this until she calms down.
~ 1 hour later ~
Her sobs have died down and her tears have ceased their existence for about ten minutes and now she’s simply hugging me.
“Who or what made you cry, girl?” I ask her and wait for her answer.
Let’s just hope she doesn’t start crying again. Pregnancy hormones can really take a toll on a person, especially when they make the women cry all the time. The girl snuggled closer to my chest and brokenly whispered “Promise me you won’t judge me nor leave.”
“I promise tesoro. (sweetheart/treasure)” I tell her and keep on rubbing her back. The girl sniffs loudly and her hold on me tightens.
“I meet my dad today.” Ok, so she met her dad, but what does that mean? And why was she so upset?
“At first everything was going well, he was nice to me, helped me up from the floor, he even smiled at me when I rubbed my belly.” She spoke fondly of the memory and took her face from the croak of my neck, showing me her pretty red-rimmed blue eyes.
Her eyes are so familiar, but from where do I know them? All this mystery is doing my head in. I watched the girl’s face attentively, her smile slowly disappeared and a sad, no a broken look took over her face and sorrow filled her eyes. What did that motherfucker do to her?
“But then he changed, he turned could and looked at me like I was the most disgusting thing in the world as if he could catch a disease just from breathing the same air as me. He thought that just because I’m pregnant that I must be a whore!” She exclaimed and humorlessly chuckled.
“But he forgets, he forgets that not everyone ends up pregnant willingly, he forgets that there are still bad people in this world who rape women for fun. And he forgets that there are pedophiles in the world who could care less about the results of their actions, and he forgets that there are also psychopaths men who do this sort of things for fun.” The more she spoke, the more I wished I could get up from this wheelchair and walk and beat the shit out of all these people she just listed, especially her father, who was such a close-minded bastard.
“But it’s ok, he doesn’t know me, he doesn’t even know that I’m his daughter and it’s not as if I introduced myself to him. Maybe if I was in his shoes I would react the same way, the only difference is that I would analyze the person before me more carefully than he did, he didn’t see me as a threat, but if I wanted he could be dead by my hands, but then again he doesn’t know me and he was a bit drunk.” The more she speaks the more she confuses me. I mean what kind of father doesn’t know about his own daughter? and she could kill him?? What the hell!?
“I wish I could punch your father for you, he sounds like a jerk.” I told her and she chuckled.
“I don’t know if he is a jerk or not, although I bet my money on him being one but, you would know better than me.” What the actual fuck is going on? Does this girl only know how to speak in riddles?
“Ok, I don’t know what the hell is going on right now, but let’s start with something simple. I’m James, what’s your name blondie?” The girl smiles at me and chuckles softly while shaking her head.
“I already know your name but it’s nice to officially meet you, James. My name is Sage.” The girl says and shakes my hand.
Sage, her name is Sage. What a coincidence I think to myself and start chuckling.
“My sister-in-law had an obsession with your name, she always said that if she had a daughter she’ll name the girl Sage. She already had a whole mantra of motives for the reason behind the name. I think it’s funny how I’m meeting a Sage after so many years of not hearing the name. Sadly, my sister-in-law never had the opportunity to use the name, hell, if she ever had another kid it would never be a girl. My family was cursed a few hundred years ago and since then only my great grandmother was a born female Sinner.” I don’t even know why I’m blabbering like this, speaking so much of my private life, damn it, I need to get a grip on my tongue. Not speaking with anyone for more than six months has done me bad.
“I guess I’ll have to change that fact.” Sage muttered and started rubbing the left side of her neck.
What the hell is she going on about?
She rubbed her neck for a few more moments and when she retracted her hand I saw her mark.
“My name is Sage Vina Desteny Sinner, my mother used to say that I’m a carbon copy of my father, that I’m his feminine version. It’s a pleasure to meet you uncle James, please do not leave me now that you know who I am.” Sage got off my lap and stood in front of me, all the while I’m looking at her gobsmacked.
Five minutes went by and I don’t know what to say. I watch as Sage dejectedly lowers her head and starts to turn to walk around me.
“I really have a lot of catching to do, don’t I, kid?” Exalted from hearing me speak, Sage freezes and slowly turns around to face me.
“You aren’t going to reject me or send me away?” She carefully asks me, as if waiting for me to suddenly get up and start yelling at her and beating her for telling me who she is.
“No tesoro, I’m not going to do any of those things, I promise you. (sweetheart/treasure)” The moment I utter the words ‘I promise’ she breaks down crying.
I watch as the strength leaves her, and she falls on her knees in front of me, sobbing. I hug her to my chest and mutter “It’s ok, tesoro.” while petting her hair.
“I trough because my father rejected me, that you would do it too.” She whispers.
“Never, tesoro, and I can guarantee you that no one in our family will reject you. They would quicker beat the crap out of your father than reject you after seeing your mark. (sweetheart/treasure) ” Sage chuckles softly at the thought and soon she stops crying altogether.
“We have a lot of catching up to do, zio (uncle).” She softly mutters and offers me a dazzling smile through her puffy red eyes and tear-stained cheeks, a smile that I return.
“Yes, we do nipote (niece).” I agree and chuckle when she starts yawning.
“Can you take me to my room, please?” She tiredly asks me.
“I have no energy left even after sleeping the whole afternoon.” She muttered with her eyes already closed, making me laugh at her antics.
“Of course, sweetheart.” I pick her up and take her to her room, leaving only after making sure that she was ok and soundly asleep.
Hey guys, I hope you enjoyed this chapter!
Now, just to make sure that everyone knows, I won’t be able to update for a while. I have my weeks packed with tests, quizzes, and homework.
And because of that, I’m not sure when I’ll be able to update again so, keep an eye on open my Instagram stories because I will warn you though there when I’ll start updating again.
See ya, hopefully, soon 😘