CHAPTER 6-THE GREATEST LOSS
Friday morning I was going through Melina’s file and everything we knew about her life from top to bottom trying to find the missing piece of information when I felt something off. Justin was driving me since I had to go through those files and he was very cautious checking the roads frequently for anything that shouldn’t be there as well as watching all cars around us at all times. Although we were both checking things neither of us could see anything wrong, though we both felt it.
Right when I felt like I was starting to get paranoid my phone rang a half ring and I knew I wasn’t crazy then. I yelled for Justin to pull over quickly because we had to get out of the car. He slammed on the brakes and we jumped out and ran. We didn’t get far though, only about ten yards away from my Yukon when it blew up throwing both of us. My files flew everywhere and now I felt a small kick from the babies and got a few cramps. I was PISSED! Justin was a little dazed as he was getting to his feet a few yards away from me. Someone pulled over and called 911 asking if we were okay and I told them to make sure Justin was alright while I checked my now incinerated SUV.
While checking the blast area before the police and firemen got there I noticed some small bit of shrapnel that I quickly picked up and slid into my briefcase as well as what looked to be a remote detonator. The blast zone looked to have the fall out of a C-4 explosion. Right then I knew who tried to kill me.
As I was putting things together I got another cramp and started feeling blood running down my leg. Oh shit. I never had this issue before but I knew what was happening. Justin’s daze wore off and he was at my side in seconds when I doubled over grabbing my stomach. As soon as he saw the blood he paled and picked me up running for the nearest car. He put me in and drove off yelling to the people that I had to be checked because I was pregnant and bleeding and then threw one of my cards out the window to them.
Two hours later I was coming out of the anesthesia fog sooner than the doctor’s said I would and sooner than they wanted me to, when I heard everyone crying and Roach outside my door yelling to let him in. Apparently my team was standing guard at my door. That was when he shocked everyone.
He blurted out, “She’s my sister. I was the one that forewarned her when I found out otherwise she’d be dead. Madison, you know her. You know she can survive getting stabbed, shot or even blown up but not this, let me in there.”
They apparently all still had their mouths open because he said something about closing their mouths and opening the door. The next minute my door was being opened and David was rushing to my side while Logan and Justin were giving him the strangest looks. Seconds later before anything was said, while the guys were still having a stare down, Jesse woke up and walked over to him.
He climbed in his lap, hugged him and said, “Hi uncle Davey. We missed you.”
Jesse got down and went back to the couch to lay back down. That seemed to put Logan and Justin’s mind at ease though because they gave him a small smile and nod. I was still feeling fuzzy so I wasn’t quite sure what happened or why David broke cover. All I could remember was being in someone’s car to come to the hospital but couldn’t remember why. That’s when they told me.
Logan said, “You were going to work on base and Justin was driving. You guys kept feeling like something was off but couldn’t figure out what. That was when your brother called you and sent you some sort of distress signal or whatever it is you two do. You screamed for Justin to pull over and to get as far away from the car as possible but you only got about ten yards when it blew up throwing you both. You landed belly first on a boulder but didn’t realize it because you were stunned. Justin was stunned but it wore off quick and he noticed you checking out the wreckage so he thought you were okay until he saw you double over and bleeding. He rushed you here but you already passed out from blood loss. The doctors had to do an emergency C-section. Both babies…both of our babies…..”
He couldn’t finish and I started freaking out. That was when I looked at David. He said, “Sissy, I’m sorry but the babies didn’t make it. When you landed on the boulder it crushed both of the babies’ skulls because they were in the process of switching positions. They’re gone. We’ll help you plan tomorrow.”
That was when I lost it. David was right. I could handle getting shot, stabbed, blown up or even double crossed, but this I couldn’t handle. I didn’t know how to handle this. I just laid back and broke out balling which is when my team came in. Madison came running to me as did Berdina, Katie and Hazel. Soon after my sister was running through the door with tears streaming down her face. Of course she would hear about it, she worked here. Everyone kept trying to talk to me but at that point I wasn’t hearing anything. I was rocking and crying.
Over the next couple of days everyone took turns staying with me or trying to get me to snap out of it but I wasn’t seeing or hearing anything. All I could think about was I wasn’t going to get to hold my babies. Or be kept up all night, or be able to feed them, and watch them grow. I swear I kept feeling my babies in my arms but when I looked down they were empty, just like my belly. I barely ate or spoke to anyone and Madison helped Logan plan the funeral and burial. How was I going to get through my own children’s funeral. I hadn’t slept in days though I hadn’t gotten out of the bed either.
Madison came over and got me ready for the funeral crying herself as she was doing it. She said something about never seeing me this way, only hearing about it, and asking if there was anything she could do but I couldn’t hear her. I think I just didn’t want to at that point.
An hour later we were pulling into the funeral home where the babies were and I shut off again. I sat there like stone unmoving as people came to me and spoke, though I had no idea what they were saying. The funeral started and finished and then we made our way to the cemetery. Again I stood there like stone, not moving away from the hole my babies were about to go in. As soon as they started lowering them into the ground though, I finally collapsed. Logan caught me and took me to the car, and then home while Madison, Jojo and Christiaan wrangled Rory and Jesse while they were kneeling by the hole, balling. How terrible am I losing two kids because I put myself in danger and not even being able to console the other two because I’m shut off? I didn’t know what to do anymore.
Logan put me in the recliner and I sat there just staring out the window watching the people coming in for the wake. I thought I saw something but didn’t care to check it out at that point. Damn my shutting off. I should’ve known my brother would call him.
The only person ever able to get through to me when I shut myself down was my best friend, Brian, and I hadn’t seen him in years since the navy moved him to Connecticut. He’s ten years older than me and also happens to be David’s best friend too, so David would have been talking to him regularly. Brian has a wife and two kids now, though, so why is he here?
David walked in and started marching over to me when Logan, Jojo and Christiaan ran to get in between me and them. Madison rolled her eyes because she knew who he was. She used to have a thing for him before he moved. She looked to him and said, “Garage; this way.”
Katie, Hazel, Berdina, Gary, Logan, Christiaan, Jojo and Kristi all looked concerned but moved hesitantly out of the way and followed when he picked me up and carried me to the garage. Jesse and Rory were following but when Brian put me down he told them he had to help mommy, then he would spend time with them. They agreed and walked away while Gary, Hazel, Katie, Ben and Andrew walked off with them and Justin came in with me.
When he started walking back towards me Logan got in the way again asking who the hell he was and what he was thinking he was going to do.
David spoke up then. “Lo, do you want your wife back? I know I want my sister and my boss back. I’m sure the kids want their mother back. This is Brian, Rain’s best friend. He’s the only one that can get through to her when she gets like this, which has only been a few times and never this bad, but it’s worth a try. I won’t let my niece and nephew grow up with their mother catatonic.”
Logan said, “What do you mean he’s the only one that can get through to her? When else was she like this? What is it you’re not telling me?”
Brian looked at him and says, “Do you want me to help her or not?”
Logan immediately said yes. Brian told Jojo and Christiaan to keep Logan in the corner away from me and quiet because he wasn’t going to like what was going to happen.
David reminded him that I just had a C-section a few days ago. Brian shook his head and came near me before squatting down to get at eye level with me.
He slapped me very hard and I spun back glaring at him. Everyone just gaped at him with their mouths open. David looked down knowing how much Brian hated to hit women but also knowing it was the one thing to start pissing me off. My eyes started turning black and he knew he was getting to me then. Logan just stared at me in disbelief.
Brian stood up and walked around yanking the chair out from under me. I got up off the floor fully pissed but still not wanting to acknowledge the world yet so he walked back in front of me and bent over looking at me.
Brian then said, “So, you lost two babies. Does that mean you don’t care what happens to the other two?”
My head snapped up and I glared at him. He continued, “Oh, you don’t. Okay so when the person that bombed your car killing your babies sees you aren’t coming after them and they come back killing Jesse and Rory…”
That was when I snapped and punched him as hard as possible cutting him off and the fight ensued. Though I couldn’t do much with staples in my stomach I got him on his ass and climbed on him beating him until he was able to bear hug me. That was when I finally broke.
I said through my sobs, “God dammit, Bri, they killed my babies. My babies were innocent. It should’ve been me.”
I balled like that for about another thirty minutes sobbing uncontrollably as he got up with me on his lap and went to the chair. Apparently Jojo and Christiaan let Logan out of his corner because he was close to me when I was able to control my sobs. When I looked around I saw Logan close to me crying, Jojo and Christiaan kneeling down crying, David in the corner crying and Madison and Berdina holding Kristi balling while Justin was standing behind Brian silently sobbing. Brian was crying and rubbing my hair and back telling me to let it out and I started balling uncontrollably again.
About a half hour later we were all cleaning up and going back to the wake while I went and sat by Jesse and Rory and told them I was so sorry for not being there for them.
Jesse was tear streaked but looked up at me and says, “Mommy, you are allowed to be sad. You don’t always have to be super mommy. We have other family to help us when you’re sad.”
That should have made me feel better but I felt worse that my five year old and three year old comprehended this and handled it better than me. We made it through the rest of the wake and Brian and David were staying with us for the night so they were still there, as well as the rest of my team, after everyone left. We were all sitting in the living room talking after Becky put the kids to bed for me.
Logan looked over at Brian and said, “Hey, Brian, though I didn’t care for your methods, I just wanted to say thanks. I never would have been able to make her come back. I never would’ve known how. Thank you for being a good enough friend to drop everything and come here to help her.”
Brian smiled and said, “No sweat. She’s my best friend and would do the same for me. Besides I wouldn’t have missed being here for her and the kids in this situation. Now, Rain, you just have to call my base and get me off the hook from being AWOL.”
Everyone turned and looked at him, again, with mouths hung open. He blurts out, “What? I told you I would do anything for Rain.”
I told him I would call now and grabbed my bag for my phone. I stopped dead and Logan handed me his phone thinking I may have lost mine in the explosion. Something was giving me a strange feeling of déjà vu but I used Logan’s phone and called Brian’s CO. I told them I made him come down to help me with something and ended up in the hospital before I got a chance to call them so he wasn’t AWOL and would be back on base there next week as long as everything went right, being active the whole time. Plus, that I was recommending him for a promotion.
His Colonel thanked me for the information and said he would promote him when he was back on base and that was it. When I hung up Bri said thanks for the promotion because with the new baby they definitely needed the extra money. He immediately regretted saying it though and everyone looked to me for my reaction.
I said, “It’s okay guys. I’m going to be a little teary about that for a while but I’ll heal. Don’t be afraid to talk about kids or babies in front of me.”
I was staring at my bag while talking to them though and they all seemed to notice something was wrong. David strolled over and immediately picked my bag up.
Logan blurts out, “What the hell are you doing going through your sister’s bag?”
David and Brian both said at the same time, “Something’s wrong with her. There’s something in there that she’s not remembering and it’s bothering her but she’s scared to look.”
Logan looked stunned and looked from me to my bag and back while David was going through it. He finally got to the side pocket and pulled out a small metal fragment and handed it to me questioningly. I sat there spinning it in my hand and studying it closely wondering what it was or where it came from when it finally hit me
I stood up yelling, “FUCK ME SIDEWAYS!”
David says, “She just remembered.”
Logan pops off with, “You can’t for six weeks.”
He didn’t know that I said that all the time before and cut back to only when I’m really shocked, surprised or mad now after having the kids. I didn’t pay attention to him.
I kept ranting. “That stupid fucking bitch is dead. I swear to God I’m going to kill her with my bare hands. Stupid whore thinks she could kill me and gets my kids killed instead. Oh man she doesn’t have a hole deep enough to hide from me.”
Everyone was staring at me dumb founded because I was screaming and raging mad at that point. My eyes were black again and I was hissing almost. Becky and Gary even came out to see what I was yelling about since I never raise my voice.
David had to explain because I was so mad I couldn’t even put sentences together anymore. All I was getting out was fragmented phrases and in multiple languages confusing everyone further. I think my pacing was scaring them as well. Logan had never seen my eyes turn black before today and whispered to the others asking about why they did that. David told him it was the Indian in us.
David said, “Melina, C-4, was the one that blew up her car. I’ve been under cover for almost six years not letting anyone know that Rain was my sister because we were trying to find the moles in the unit. We knew Robert was, and Rain suspected Jill though she didn’t want to believe it. We knew there were more, just not who. Rain started suspecting Melina about five and a half years ago when the bar she was supposed to be at, and more specifically the seat she was supposed to be in, was blown up with C-4 covered with a pipe bomb with a remote detonator. Then, she found out she was pregnant and getting out so I started getting closer to Melina trying to get info while Rain still ran the unit secretly.
“Well, when she got out things started slowing down but certain people were still getting blown up randomly or missions getting compromised. We knew it had to be more than one person on the inside but that Melina was the one that was blowing people up. She even got me once but when she realized I was still alive she pretended to just get there looking for me and got me to a hospital so not to draw suspicion on herself. Once Rain came back she started getting more ballsy and more frequent with her bombs. We know she’s the one doing those but what we don’t know is who her source is giving her the info on where secret missions are happening. I was getting close to her with her thinking she can trust me.
“I was walking through the bay when I heard her on the phone saying something about ‘the bomb in the Yukon should be going off anytime’ and I knew she was talking about sissy’s. I called her letting the phone get through a half of a ring which is our code for each other for danger and a whole ring then hang up is we need to meet. They got out but not far enough away fast enough and I’ll have to live with that.”
I blurted between my rants, “Bubba, you saved me so I can kill her. It’s not your fault, it’s hers and now I get to kill her violently, gruesomely, horrifically, gory. Stop blaming yourself and help me blame that dumb baby killing bitch.”
He smiled at me as did the others, but in all honesty, I saw fear in everyone’s eyes.
I didn’t like that so I said, “Is that fear in your eyes because you’re scared of me or because you think I can’t do this.”
Madison was the one that answered. She said, “Honestly honey, were scared shitless of you. None of us have ever seen you like this with anyone. All we ask is you wait a few days until your staples come out.”
I looked at her and smiled an evil grin. “Oh, I have no plans of doing it anytime soon. I’m going to torture her first. I’ll let her think she got away with it and keep her close and torture and scare her and when she feels like she can’t take it anymore I’ll kill her in all the ways I know she fears.”
Everyone looked even more scared then and Logan was the one that spoke up. He said, “Baby, I just want it on record that you scare the hell out of me and you are very vindictive but I’m behind you 100% and if you’re able to, I hope you take me along when it’s time to kill her, because even though I don’t hit women, I have a few things for her as well. I’m sure it’ll be nothing compared to you, but I owe her a few hits too.”
I smiled and leaned down to kiss this most patient, grieving man and knew he would kill her himself if he could.
David finished then. He handed the frag to me and told the others, “That is a frag from a pipe bomb that the detonator was attached to. Melina set off the pipe bomb which detonated the C-4 blowing a crater. It’s been her signature since the first time she used it when she tried killing Rain when she was pregnant with Jesse.”
I looked around and saw the same fury in everyone else’s eyes that I felt inside and I knew then we were all going to have a hard time keeping this cover. This was worse than the General and Jill.
FIND A PLACE INSIDE WHERE THERE’S JOY AND THE JOY WILL BURN OUT THE PAIN-JOSEPH CAMPBELL