“No! No no no no no!!” I cry out in exasperation as my car slows to a crawl on the shoulder of the deserted highway.
I let out a defeated groan and slam my head down on the steering wheel. “Well, that was stupid,” I hiss as I pull my head back up. I rub my hand across the small lump that is starting to form on my forehead thanks to my dramatics. I watch in growing despair as steam begins to climb from beneath the hood of my car in taunting wisps, a nice middle finger salute to me from the engine of my car.
“Great. Just great,” I grumble as I pop the hood and climb out of the driver’s seat of my car. Of all the times to have problems Kermit, my car, decided this was her time to shine. I look around at the sea of lush green trees as I step around to the front of the vehicle. I unroll my flannel sleeve so I can use it to cover my hand and loosen the latch on my car’s hood without burning myself.
Steam bellows out from the engine and causes me to cough and attempt to fan the cloud away from my face. I catch my breath and spit the awful taste of the burnt car out of my mouth in a very unladylike manner. Scowling at Kermit as she sits there wheezing on the side of the road, I narrow my eyes at her. You’ll get no sympathy from me, you traitor.
I sigh as I approach the car once more.
“Let’s just take a look at this and pretend to know what you’re doing,” I mumble to myself as I lean over my car with the scowl still present on my face. Perhaps, if I act like I know what I’m doing, I can trick Kermit into running again.
Just fake it until you make it, right?
“Mhm. Yep. Yep yep yep. Still smokin’. That’s probably not a good sign.” I groan as I step back away from the heat of the car. I put my hands on my hips and glance around to take in my surroundings. I grimace as I swat away a bug that was flying too close to my face for comfort.
It is way too quiet and full of nature here.
I slap my hands down on my thighs and stomp my foot like a petulant child and pout. Maybe a temper tantrum will get Kermit to have mercy on me. I probably look really odd talking to myself and acting like a brat, but seeing as how it’s just me, Mother Nature, and Kermit, no one will know just how crazy I am at the moment.
Walking back around to my driver’s side door, I plop back down in the seat with the door propped open for air flow. The sun is barely up but the morning air has already begun to heat up. The humidity will be suffocating in no time, I can already tell.
I drum my fingers on the dash impatiently while my mind works through scenarios and the various options I may have. I reach over to my messenger bag and pull out my cell phone. “No service. Psh, called it,” I grumble and toss it back in my bag as I roll my eyes and sigh.
I lean back in my seat and stare out my window letting my mind wander as I gnaw relentlessly on my bottom lip. I’m stuck, evidently. I don’t know where exactly I am since I decided to be adventurous and take random highways without using my GPS. I have no service to call for a tow, nor to have a friend come get me. I laugh a little to myself. I don’t even know where I am, so it wouldn’t matter if I did have someone to call at the moment. Super-duper. I groan to myself at the thought as I press the palms of my hands over my eyes for a moment before letting them fall back to my lap. I would call someone from The Family, the agency I work for, but again, no cell service.
I could also call my ex, Bradley. Not that I would call him for anything, the worthless man. I would rather die on the side of the road at the hands of some backroad axe murderer than to call him. Also, I am hours away from him at this point, what would he even be able to do for me?
“My pride will literally kill me one of these days,” I say to myself as I lean forward in my seat to look up at the full trees around me as they sway in the gentle breeze. “Probably today,” I mumble.
I have seen and done a lot of terrible things in my day. I have managed to escape death on many occasions, but dying out here in Podunk, Wherever-I-am, really just seems like a sad and bitter end that is actually strangely fitting for me. I could have gone out guns blazing, but no. I get to possibly die at the hands of some psycho hillbilly killer! Pouting slightly at the thought I sink in my seat a little more.
So, here I am, stuck in the middle of nowhere. Why am I here again? Oh, right. I’m driving out to, once again, start over somewhere new. I snort and chuckle to myself. What a great start to the rest of my life. Just last night I got to experience the joy of walking in on the bitter end of my relationship.
Stupid freakin’ Bradley.
Now, I say it was bitter, but it was really more like an inconvenience to me than anything. I had a good thing going, playing house and all that.
This all happened simply because I was able to leave my bartending gig a few hours early. Also, because Bradley couldn’t keep it in his pants, but I digress. There I was, excited to head home to the apartment that I share with Brad to just relax for once on a Thursday night. He and I had moved in together even though it went against everything I was taught. I was told to never make attachments in my main line of work because they can make you a liability to The Family or worse, they’ll become collateral damage.