This novel is limited to 100 free copies due to its part in Inkitt’s Novel Contest.
Luke Saleri raced down the road in his Corvette, trying not to speed.He was trying not to be late for meeting his uncle at the arcade. His uncle was a famous video game creator, already made 6 video games, working on his seventh.He almost ran a red light, he was in such a hurry.He made it to the old Saleri Arcade. But he was late... Again. His twin sister, Samantha Saleri who on a computer typing something at the secretary’s desk, was already there. Inside, playing very quietly, was music from the ’80s as usual.
“He’s waiting downstairs,” Samantha told Luke, not looking up from her work.
“Yeah, sure. Thanks.” He left her alone in the dusty, dark arcade room. He walked down the steep steps, trying not to slip. His uncle, Jacob, was waiting silently in his lab room where he made all of the games.
“Okay, why do you want me here?” Luke asked Jacob.
“I need your help on something,” Jacob replied. “I need something from Electric Labs. This is what I need.” He handed him a piece of paper. Written in caligraphy on it was:
4 X-Box 360 controllers from Electric Labs for Prizm.
Total cost: $589.90
“Whoa. You’re saying you want me to buy that with my own money?!? No way, Jacob.” He turned to walk out the door.
“Not necessarily. Technically, I want you to buy it with mine not yours. ” Jacob replied, still being his calm, regular self.
Luke stopped. “I might help. I’ll have to think about it.” And he left.
“What did he want?” Samantha asked, looking up from whatever she was doing. She was dying to know what happened. “Please, will you tell me? Please?”
“Not for a million bucks,” he said, as he walked out the door.
“Great.” Samantha went back to her work.
Luke, got in his car, and drove off, thinking about what Jacob said. Well, if I were to go to Electric Labs, Grant Cringger might not be happy to see me there, considering he knows I don’t like Haydon. Luke thought. Oh, well, I need time to think, especially since Jacob doesn’t know I don’t like Haydon... He went home and was greeted by Kennedy, his black German shepherd dog. “Well, Kennedy,” he said, patting her on the head. “I’ve been asked to get something from Electric Labs. What should I do?”
Kennedy’s reply was, Bark!
Luke went to sleep in his clothes that night. He woke up the next morning to the sound of banging on his door. He glanced at his alarm clock. Seven thirty. Who would want me at this time of day? He thought. Whatever it is, I hope it’s nothing important. Kennedy got up and started barking at the door. “Oh...,” he groaned, as he sat up. “I’m coming... Down, Kennedy.” Kennedy sat down, scratched her ear, got up, and jumped back on the bed, and laid down. Please don’t be Jacob... He went to the door, and opened it. It was Samantha. She was standing in the door way.
“What do you want?” he said, yawning, pushing past her out the door. “You know I like to sleep in.”
“Well, Jacob just called and said for me to tell you... that uh...” Samantha paused for a second. “He uh...said to tell you he wants to meet you at the arcade.”
“So? Why were you hesitating? That’s not bad,” He replied, going down stairs, to the kitchen, and opening the fridge, looking for something to eat for breakfast.
“I was hesitating because I thought something bad happened yesterday when you met him in the arcade and you wouldn’t tell me what happened, but nothing bad must have happened.”
“No, nothing bad happened,” he said, raising an eyebrow. “What do you want?”
“He wants you to meet him at the arcade.” Samantha said.
“Okay, I’ll meet him later,” Luke said, slamming the fridge door closed, not satisfied not finding anything to eat.
“Fine, but he would consider it if you came now,” she said.
“Alright, alright! I’ll go now.” He said, annoyed at both Jacob and Samantha.
He climbed in to his Corvette, and sped away. He stopped in front of Saleri Arcade. He tumbled out of his car, and went inside. He went down stairs, and found Jacob. It was around eight-thirty when he got there.
“I know what you want,” Luke said, “But I need more time. It’s not like I can just go barging in to Electric Labs and demand that we get the X-Box 360 equipment.”
“Actually, I didn’t want that.” Jacob said, calmly, as usual. “Could you help me with something?”
“Sure,” said Luke, still worrying about the matter.
“Strata,” Jacob said, to no one.
“Yes?” Answered a female electronic voice Luke had never heard before.
“Open the documents for Prizm.”
“Yes, Sir,” said the female voice.
Everything in the room started powering up. “Here you are, Sir.”
“Thanks, Strata,” Jacob said.
“Whoa.” came Luke’s surprised voice. “How long have you had that?”
“For a long time.” Jacob smiled. He turned and went to a computer and typed something, really fast.
“What is the voice?” Luke asked, going over to a computer, and looking at the screen.
“Oh, it’s a computer program. She is my intelligent assistance that I created.” Jacob replied. “And the best player in Prizm.”
“You mean, like Siri?”
“Yes, like Siri.”
Luke glanced back at the screen. “Who is that?” He asked, pointing at someone on the screen. The person was a man. This man was ripped. Like Jacob. He had jet black hair, and was at least five foot nine inches tall. Like Jacob. He was also in his mid-twenties. Like Jacob. In fact, he looked exactly like Jacob. “Is that you?”
Jacob looked over his shoulder. “Oh no. That’s Cody. He’s supposed to be the bad guy in Prizm.” He went back to his typing. Finally, he finished typing. “Here it is.” He made the screen bigger. It was a...
“What is that?” Luke looked at it in amazement.
“That is a Prizm version of a car. It does not have a name yet,” Jacob replied.
“Cool...” Luke was in outer space, imagining what it could do. He already had multiple ideas on what it could do. He was going to change the shape of the car to the shape of a Corvette. He hated the shape it was now.
“It need improvement. You could help me on this, since you know so much about computer programming. You can do whatever you want with it.”
“Yes!” He got to work immediately. He worked for hours, stopping only for lunch break, until, he realized something. “Hey, what time is it, Uncle?”
“Five-thirty. Why?” Jacob asked, not looking up from his work.
“I have a date with Harley at six,” Luke replied.
“Alright. Run along. Have fun.” Jacob said, still not taking his eyes off his work.
Luke left the room, ran upstairs, past Samantha, who was still working on what ever it was, and climbed back into his car. Harley Sanders was his girlfriend. Of course, Samantha really didn’t like Harley. She thought she was weird. But that was exactly what Luke thought of her boyfriend, Haydon Cringger. Haydon was...well, just another idiot billionaire. His thoughts trailed off as he reached Mama Mia’s Italian Restaurant, one of the most interesting to place for a pure blood Italian family and their restaurant, right there, in the middle of Colorado Springs. Luke and Harley went here very often. Not only that, He, Harley, Haydon and Samantha loved Italian food, but Luke would eat almost anything. He parked and scampered out. He was late...Again. Harley was outside, waiting for him. She looked impatient.
“What took you so long?” she asked, as if she had been waiting for hours.
“Traffic,” he lied. He didn’t want her to know about Prizm. It was going to be a surprise.
“Yes, traffic has been crazy today,” Harley replied, which surprised him. “I’m hungry. Let’s go in.”
They walked inside. Their normal waitress, Mia II the daughter of Mama Mia, the owner of the restaurant, took them to their table.
“Would you like anything to drink, ma’am?” Mia asked.
“I’ll take a cocktail,” Harley replied.
“What about you, sir?” Mia asked, turning to Luke.
“Same as her,” he replied.
“I will be right back with your drinks.” Mia left.
There was silence at the table for a few moments. Then, Harley broke the silence, saying, “What were you doing before you got caught up in traffic? I’m just curious.”
“Uh.... Well, I was...resting,” he replied, hesitating.
“You’re lying. Whenever you hesitate, you’re lying,” she said, as if she knew all his secrets. “So what were you really doing?”
“I uh...I was uh...working on something...Just homework.”
“Luke, you graduated high school last year.”
“Well, uh....What happens if I say it’s a secret?”
“Okay. It’s a secret. Have you...been ice-skating before?” Harley asked, changing the subject.
“Well, when I was younger, I did ice-skate, until...” He stopped, midsentence.
“What happened? C’mon, it couldn’t have been that bad.”
“Samantha and I used to ice-skate on the lake at the park whenever it got cold. Well, apparently, one really cold December day in two thousand five, the school bullies were there, and they saw me ice-skating. And they walked over and said, ‘Hey Saleri. Ice-skating is for girls.’ And they walked off, laughing. I thought this over. It sounded so true, that I never ice-skated again. I was pretty good, though. So I picked up rollerblading”
Harley dropped her jaw and stared at him. “Seriously? Why didn’t you beat him up?”
“Because, one was a purple belt and I was only a yellow belt in Karate, so...I didn’t exactly want to be badly injured.”
Just then, Mia came with their cocktails. “Sorry that took so long. Would you like anything to eat?”
“I’ll think about it,” Luke and Harley said at the same time.
“Okay!” Mia said, cheerfully and left.
“So, why did you...Oh, no...” Luke said, looking beyond Harley.
“What?” She asked looking over her shoulder.
“It’s Samantha and that....that....idiot, Haydon.”
Samantha and Haydon were just coming in the door. Luke sunk down, hoping not to be seen. But, as if they knew they were there, Samantha and Haydon passed by, noticing them.
“Hey, Luke!” Haydon said, brightly. “What a coincidence! Mind if we sit with you?” One thing Luke hated about Haydon; he was always cheerful.
“Yes,” Luke answered, truthfully, sitting up.
“Good!” Haydon sat down beside Luke. Samantha sat down beside Harley. There was an awkward silence.
“So...Luke was just saying that after supper, we were going to go to his house and play some kind of a game,” Harley said, making something up on the spot. “I’m sure he won’t mind if you come along.”
“What? I didn’t...” Luke started, surprised she would say that, especially since she knew he hated Haydon. Harley looked at him with an expression that said we have to do this, Luke. Luke said nothing more.
“Well, then,” Haydon said, in his cheerful voice that sounded fake to Luke. “Samantha and I will be delighted to join you and Harley in whatever game you are playing.”
Luke really didn’t want him to come to their house over an excuse made by Harley. Oh, well. He would have to live with it...
After a dinner of pepperoni pizza, Haydon said, very cheerily, “See you there, Luke!”
“Yeah,” Luke said. “See you there.” He watched Haydon drive away with Samantha in his yellow Ford Mustang with two black stripes down the middle. Luke got in his black Chevrolet Corvette. Harley got in with him, but did not close the door. “I thought you brought your own car,” he said, looking confused.
Harley turned to him. “Luke, look at me.”
Reluctantly, he looked at her in the eyes.
“You really need to learn to respect Haydon,” Harley said, quite seriously. “I mean, boyfriend and girlfriend could lead to a stronger relationship, which could lead to marriage, and then, he would be your bother-in-law.”
“I seriously doubt they will get married,” he laughed at the thought. “But I will try for your sake.”
She kissed him on the cheek. “Thanks, Luke.” She got out of his car and got in her red Ford Fusion, and drove away. Luke was stunned and could not think for a few minutes. Then, he snapped out of it. He drove off, thinking about what Harley said. What if they do get married? What if I never grow to like him? What will I do? Oh, well, I will try for Harley’s sake. If I fail, and they do get married...well, I don’t know. Might as well move to Texas or something.
Once he got to the house, he noticed everyone was still in their cars. He got out, and walked over to Haydon’s car. “What’s the matter, Samantha? Why aren’t you inside yet?” Luke asked, smiling a guilty smile. “Don’t you have your keys?” he asked her, once she got out of the car, still smiling a guilty smile.
“You have my keys! That’s why we aren’t inside yet!” she yelled, slamming the door closed, so hard, Haydon jumped.
“Careful, now, Samantha,” Haydon said, once he got out of the car, “don’t want a broken window now.”
“Here you are,” Luke said, giving her keys.
“Thanks,” she said quite angrily, snatching her keys. Harley and Haydon exchanged glances that said, Siblings. She unlocked the door and went inside. Haydon, Harley, and Luke followed her. Kennedy started barking from Luke’s room upstairs.
“All right, we are playing truth or dare. Who’s first?” Luke said, once they all sat down in a circle around the coffee table.
“I guess I will,” said Samantha.
“Alright,” Luke said, “you will ask Haydon, who asks me. I will ask Harley and she will ask you.”
“Okay. Truth or dare, Haydon?” Samantha said.
“Uh...Truth?” he said, the answer coming out like a question.
“Ok,” Samantha was deep in thought. “Hmm.... Have you ever had another relationship with someone else?”
“Yes,” was Haydon’s astonishing reply.
“Who?” asked Samantha, curiously.
“It was Susan Loreene,” Haydon said, blushing bright pink.
“What?!” Even Luke and Harley were astonished. Susan Loreene was the most annoying brat from sixth, seventh, and eighth grade Luke, Samantha, and Harley ever knew.
“You were not in a relationship with her,” Samantha said in disbelief.
“Well, it’s true,” Haydon said, stiffening up. “Believe it or don’t.”
“I do. Who’s next?”
“Truth or dare, Luke?” Haydon said, starting to relax. The pink color was fading from his face.
“Truth,” Luke replied.
“Have you ever broken a bone?” Haydon said.
“Yeah, I have. It was my upper arm. I fell out of a tree...Actually, let me rephrase that. Samantha pushed me out of the tree when I was nine. I can’t remember why she did, though. Samantha was an evil sister back then. And I was in the hospital for one whole week. What a terrible day for both of us...”
“Okaaay then...” Haydon said, glancing at Samantha, who was sitting a few feet away from him.
“Truth or dare, Harley?” Luke asked. He was hoping she would do dare. He had the best dare ever.
“Hmm... I think I’ll do... Dare.” Harley said.
“I dare you to profess your love to me.” Luke started laughing manically.
“Uh...” Harley didn’t know where to start. “In a paragraph, type a paper over it, how long do you want it?”
“About...Two sentences long.”
“Okay... What if it’s made up?”
“I don’t care, just say something.”
She stood up. “I love you so much that I would go to the ends of the earth for you,” She said, trying not to laugh. “I would give up my life for you.” And she sat down laughing. Everyone else was laughing too. The laughter died down, and Harley said, “Truth or dare, Samantha?”
“Truth,” Samantha said, fearful of a terrible dare.
“Do you hate being a twin?”
“Well...Yes in a way. Now that he’s older I don’t mind half as much as I did when we were younger. He was such a nuisance, as you should know; you went to the same school. He was just awful back then.” There was a silence.
“So, I think I’m going to go make some cookies,” said Samantha, interrupting the silence.
“I’ll help,” said Harley. The two girls left the room.
“But we...” Luke started, but Haydon interrupted.
“How about some chess Luke?”
Luke smiled, forgetting about the girls. “Sure.”
Luke, thinking that he might have made a bad decision, lost four games in the first fifteen minutes. It wasn’t a wonder anymore why he was called “The King of Chess” in tenth grade. Haydon, opposite of Luke, had his chin rested on his arms which were folded. “Restart?” he asked.
“Sure,” Luke said, up for a challenge. Again.
Meanwhile, the girls, still in the kitchen making cookies, heard the boys every once in a while say, “Checkmate.” “I’m not in checkmate yet. I can move here.” and finally, “Checkmate.” “You win...Again. Let’s go again.”
“So, how’s life for you, Samantha?” Harley reluctantly asked Samantha.
“Oh, it’s good,” Samantha said. “With Jacob and Luke almost always at the arcade, I am the only one here. It’s really kind of nice, being here, all alone except for Kennedy.”
“One thing for sure,” Harley said, “I’m never alone. With eight siblings, it’s kind of hard to be alone at times.”
“I can’t go anywhere because I’ve been deprived of my driver’s license. I lost it about half a year ago when I crashed Jacob’s Infiniti...Accidentally.
The girls started giggling, and the boys were now yelling at them, “Are the cookies almost done?!”
“Not quite. I just put them in the oven.” Samantha said, going from giggling to laughing.
“Oh, stop it with the laughing,” Luke said. “I am trying to concentrate. I tell you, Haydon. Girls will laugh at anything.” he said, going back to the 6th game. He had lost the other five games and was not wanting to lose this one. He was determined to win this one if it was the last thing he did. Even though he only had one rook, three pawns, his king, and the two bishops, he was determined to win. He picked up his knight to put Haydon’s king in check...
“Luke, he’ll kill you if you do that.” Jacob had just walked in the front door and scared Luke out of his wits. Luke let out a small girly scream. Haydon was trying to stifle a laugh. The girls continued laughing. “Got you, Luke,” Jacob said, while going up the stairs.
Luke took Jacob’s advice, and altered his move, but in the end, he lost anyway. So, he and Haydon started another game. In the middle of the game, when Luke was about to lose, the glorious aroma of cookies began to wander into the living room. It was so heavenly, that Haydon and Luke couldn’t resist to not follow the smell. “Something smells good,” Luke said, peering in at the kitchen door with Haydon.
“Oh, go away,” Samantha protested. They had finally stopped laughing. “They’re not done yet.” She closed the door to the kitchen, and blockaded it with a chair. “One thing nice thing about this kitchen...It has a door,” Samantha said, opening the oven to check the cookies.
“I wish we had a door in our kitchen,” Harley said, yawning. “Haddon is always coming in whenever I’m making some kind of dessert and he eats at least an eighth of the batter.”
“Same with Luke, which is why I have started blockading the door,” Samantha said, taking the first dozen cookies out of the oven and putting them on a cooling rack. “It’s usually so hard to keep the guys of the family out of the kitchen. Right, Luke?” She called out to him.
“Yep.” Luke looked like he was proud of himself. He continued the ninth game of chess with Haydon. “Now, please stop talking to me, I need to concentrate.”
“Okay, we will,” she said, and, added under her breath to Harley, “and if he doesn’t want us talking to him, we will obviously not tell them the cookies are ready.”
Haydon and Luke were now done with the tenth game that Haydon had won in only ten moves. Jacob had come down stairs and was sitting in a recliner reading a book, reading and slightly watching the boys play chess at the same time. They began another game, just as they heard the oven door open. They went over to the kitchen door and knocked on it. “Are the cookies ready?” Haydon asked.
“Yes,” the girls gave up their secret, and let the boys in. They had some cookies and milk, and Samantha gave Jacob two cookies and a glass of milk on the in table by the recliner. By the time they had finished half the two dozen cookies, it was eight-thirty.
“Well, I should really be going.” Harley said, picking up her purse, and grabbing her keys.
“Okay.” Luke saw her out the door, and then came back in to find Samantha playing a round of chess with Haydon, and Jacob, astounded by them playing together, was watching. “Prepare to lose, Sam,” Luke said, sitting down and watching. They only just started, and she was wining, for the time being.
“How do you know I’ll lose? Remember what happened nine years ago at the McDonald Observatory near Austin, Texas? I solved the hardest puzzle in forty-five seconds. What if I beat him?” she asked.
“Well, technically, that only happened by chance,” he said, quite annoyed at that remark.
“I don’t care. What if I beat him because I have a better strategy?” she asked, turning back to the game.
“Oh, just never mind it all,” he said. “Forget I said anything.”
Haydon, who was actually quite enjoying himself watching them argue, said, “You guys can keep on. I don’t mind. Happens all the time at my house.”
“I can imagine a lot of arguing at your house, Haydon,” Samantha said, moving her knight to put Haydon in check. “You have a pair of triplets at your house. It must be very chaotic there.”
“It is sometimes, with them being at school most of the day. Its times like now they have usually just started using today’s energy,” Haydon responded, moving his king. Just then, Kennedy, who had somehow gotten out, ran up to Luke, and started licking his hand.
“Oh, Kennedy, how did you get out?” Luke asked her, not really expecting an answer.
“Why does she stay inside?” Haydon asked.
“Well, the coyotes we have attacked her a few months ago and she has something wrong with her leg, so she has to stay in for another four weeks.
“Oh. No wonder she limps when she walks,” Haydon said, killing one of Samantha’s knights.
“I’ll be right back,” Luke said, “come on, Kennedy.” Kennedy followed him.
In the end of the entire game, Haydon won, and then said he had to leave. Luke and Samantha saw him out the door, and then Luke challenged Samantha for a game of chess...
Meanwhile, around eight forty-five, Harley had gotten home to a lot of racket. Haddon, Mallie, and Jane, the other three oldest, were playing a very loud game of Risk, yelling that someone was under attack every few minutes.Lillian was playing Sorry! with Shawn. Abby, the youngest, was scribbling on a piece of paper with crayons in the middle of the living room floor. Her mother and Father, Molly and Anthony, were sitting on the love seat in the living room, talking about something
“Hey, mom and dad. How’s the evening been?” Harley asked, sitting on the couch.
“Terrible,” her mother replied, wearily. “Very loud. I’m about to send everyone to bed. I’ve told the Risk players to be quiet fourteen times already.”
"How are you, Harley? Did you enjoy the date?" Anthony asked.
"I am good, and I did enjoy the date." Harley replied.
"Could you do some thing about the other kids playing riaks?" her mother asked.
Harley felt sorry for her mother, and stood up. “I’ll see if I can do anything about it,” she said walking to the TV room, which they also used to play games in. Haddon had conquered all Europe and Africa. Mallie had the USA. Jane had the rest of the board, Russian territory, South America, and Australia.
“How on earth can Jane have half the board?! She’s the youngest playing!” Haddon exclaimed, quite loudly.
“It only means that she obviously has better military tactics than us, weirdo,” replied Mallie, who was also annoyed at losing, and was now proclaiming an attack on a heavily fortified place of Haddon’s in Europe from Greenland.
Jane looked proud of herself. “I do have better tactics, so I’ll win every game you guys play with me. I could never beat a kid older than seventeen.”
“Now, Haddon, it doesn’t matter who wins. It’s just a game,” Harley said, going to check on the Sorry! players. Shawn was losing terribly. He had all his pawns in start. Lillian had all, but one out. Shawn looked very upset.
“Have you gotten out at all, Shawn?” Harley asked sitting beside him.
“Yep, and then, Lillian had to be a meanie, and sorry me,” he said, folding his arms across his chest, angrily.
“No, you were the one closest to my home so I sorried you,” protested Lillian, moving her pawn seven steps.
Shawn stuck out his tongue. “You’re just mean.”
Harley left the two Sorry! players to argue, and went back to the living room, to watch Abby.
“That is a lovely drawing, Abby,” Harley said, looking down on the scribbles and stick figures.
“That’s me, and that you,” Abby said, pointing to the stick figures on the picture.
“Awe...How sweet,” Harley said, hugging Abby.
“Well, I think I’ll turn in,” she told her parents, getting off the floor.
“Okay, goodnight, dear,” said Molly.
“Good night, Harley," Anthony said, getting up and going to the TV room.
As Harley climbed into bed, she thought about Luke’s promised he had made...
Haydon had just arrived home to find his dad, Grant Cringger, helping one of his triplet brothers with math at the coffee table. All of the sudden, another triplet brother passed him, miserably failing to hold a towel around his waist.
“Go get ready for bed, Bruce,” Grant said, putting his hand to his forehead. The triplet scurried off, looking worried.
I had a feeling it was Bruce, thought Haydon. Out of all his siblings, Bruce was the naughtiest. He sat down in a recliner. “What happened to him?” Haydon asked.
“He’s behind one and a half weeks in math,” Grant replied, getting off his knees. “I only got him through four days of math tonight. Oh, and the boys are sleeping in your room on the floor.”
“What?! Why?” Haydon felt something terrible coming on.
“Go ask your mother.”
“Where is she?”
“In the garage.”
Haydon got up and went to the garage. “What did they do now?” he asked, once he got to the garage.
His mother, Emerald, who was pregnant three months, was at the garage sink, rinsing off one of the boys, who was sitting in the sink. Mud was all over the floor.
“Well, school got out early today--and I can’t remember why—but the boys came straight home, and went out to the mud pit that they dug with you, and, as you know, it rained last night. They started a mud fight, and once they were done playing in the mud, they climbed through their window and started jumping on their beds. That’s when I came in. So, now, here I am, cleaning the boys off in the garage sink,” she said, lifting the triplet out of the sink and giving him a towel. “Go shower, Brad.” She turned back to Haydon. “So now I am washing them and their sheets, and they’ll take forever because I have to wash them twice.” She went inside, followed by Haydon. “And your father was not happy about that either.”
“That sounds like me when I was younger,” Haydon said, trying to recall something that he had done.
“Yes, they are very much like you. It’s like having three younger Haydons in the house.” Emerald was smiling. That meant that she actually didn’t mind having younger Haydons in the house. Haydon hated it, as did Grant. And now, they were having another child. Or, in this case, another Haydon, if it were a boy. Emerald didn’t want to know. She wanted it to be a surprise.
“Are the boys showering?” Grant asked Emerald.
“Yes, dear,” she replied, sitting on the couch.
“I think I’ll go to bed now, Mother,” Haydon said. “I have to get up in the morning, anyway.”
“Good night, son,” Emerald said, kissing him on the forehead.
“Good night, Haydon,” Grant said, still infuriated at the boys.
As soon as Haydon went to bed, he thought about making friends with Luke...
Luke and Samantha had finished their chess game. They all went to bed around nine thirty. Luke had gone to bed thinking about what had happened that night. Oh well, I’ll keep trying, he thought, drifting off to sleep.
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PurpleInkling: Hippocrite is spelt hypocrite.Also it is an awesome story! A good one after so long. I was hoping someone would write a good fanficiton playing off what Ron said at the station. You are doing a remarkable job. It would have been interesting if Albus had also ended up in Ravenclaw though that mig...
ram123: Beautifully written novel, engrossing from start to finish. Great story, clever and imaginative adventure of two young sisters in Victorian England. Story moved at a quick pace .Looking forward to the second book. Congratulations to the author I predict that this will be a very successful series.
Steve Lang: I thought this story was imaginative, and well thought out. I also think it was an original piece, and not a rehash of previous scifi stories I've read in the past.Thank you for the effort put into this tale, and I look forward to reading more of your work!
Sandra Leigh: excellent story. Lots of classic fairy tale elements with a fresh spin. Very much looking forward to the sequel. However, there are a number of typos and minor awkward sentences. I occasionally work for my publisher as an editor and would not mind editing this for you. Feel free to contact m...
Ben Gauger: Kudos to Bryan Laesch, author of Remnants of Chaos:Chaotic Omens for his use of the Gothic style of writing and in addition the footnotes and endnotes at the end of each chapter, a welcome accompaniment to be sure, though his use of grammar could use a little improving, but his use of punctuation...
FreakyPoet: "you made me laugh, made me cry, both are hard to do. I spent most of the night reading your story, captivated. This is why you get full stars from me. Thanks for the great story!"
Sara Joy Bailey: "Full of depth and life. The plot was thrilling. The author's style flows naturally and the reader can easily slip into the pages of the story. Very well done."