The Unusual Thief

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Its hard to rock a rhyme

Clean, shiny marble floors marred here and there by sweaty footprints.

High ceilings fluted columns and mirrored walls.

Thumping techno music echoes around the virtually empty hall. At one end of the room a set of large double doors, at the other a large ornate throne surrounded by immense black speakers.

In the throne a man sits, the man has a closely shaven head, what hair there is poking through the skin of his scalp is a bright orange colour, his thin wiry body is naked and covered with a sheen of sweat. His chest rises and falls rapidly due to some recent extreme exertion. He stares straight ahead, his blue eyes gleaming with a malign intelligence and cunning. He is grinning at nothing in particular. The music continues to pound away, bleeping its way to a new musical peak, the bass shaking loose dust from the ceiling. He reaches for a remote control resting on the arm of the throne, turns down the music and speaks

“This is the last bastion of taste and decorum” his voice is sharp and grating

A barely perceptible ringing sound is present. Still grinning Tricky rises from his throne and from the floor picks up a red silk dressing gown he discarded earlier. Now clothed, he walks to a nearby wall where at a touch he activates a view screen, the view screen shows a bare corridor in which Tricky’s most senior employee stands, known simply as ‘The Entertainer’ he stands at a thick metal door holding down a buzzer. Tricky speaks into the screen and the man hears his voice

“What’s the password?” he asks in his reedy, grating voice that makes the Entertainer attention perk up.

“Lordly Satisfaction”

Tricky’s grin widens at the sound of the password

“Yes, you may enter now” he says pressing the view screen three times, this activates the metal door which rumbles open allowing the man entry.

An hour later there is a polite knocking at the double doors, Tricky walks to them and spends several minutes unlocking and unbolting the doors before the Entertainer enters, he is very well dressed, an immaculate grey robe with a gold sash adorns his otherwise unremarkable self

“What have you done with all the furniture??” the Entertainer asks with an incredulity that suggests he is his employee’s friend as well as his subordinate

“It was in the way, so I had it burnt” Tricky grins as he carefully locks the doors

The Entertainer shakes his head and smiles “Of course you did…. And why did the security check take a whole hour today?”

“I added a strip-search to the security program and a few other measures, I wasn’t being thorough enough”

“But Tricky, we’ve done business for years!” the man exclaims

“You might not be who you seem, people conspire against me” as he speaks Tricky’s gaze shifts around the room as though the conspirators might well be in there with them.

Everyone thinks he is paranoid, this is untrue, he is careful because he has to be. Tricky returns to his throne and starts to vigorously massage his own bald scalp.

“So Entertainer, what have you for me today?” he asks

“Well Tricksy…”

“Don’t call me that!” snaps Tricky, his face reddening “It sounds like a girl’s name!”

“Ok then, well Tricky I got some top cocaine, and held up in security clearance are some FINE ho’s!”

“Ahhhhh coke and ho’s” says Tricky rubbing his hands “all the ingredients for a fun filled morning”

The Entertainer edges closer to the throne and peers at Tricky’s glazed eyes

“Ecstasy?” asks the visitor

Tricky leaning back in his throne grins. Then reaching for his remote he turns the techno back up to full volume. Pausing for a second only Tricky throws himself out of his throne and onto the floor. Once there he starts to flail and twist his limbs to the pulsing electric crescendo of the furious music. He achieves a body motion speed only topped by backward tribesmen possessed by demons. The Entertainer stands back watching with amused interest. Sometime later when Tricky’s motions slow to a more human pace he returns to his throne, and then still jerking occasionally looks up at his friend and says

“What do you think? Ecstasy?”

“No. You dance a lot faster when you’re pilling.”

Tricky smiles and nods

“That’s right.”

“Is the second run batch of adrenochrome ready for sale?” Tricky asks his attitude becoming serious, more business like.

“We have it prepared, it’s being distributed to the wholesalers.”

“Good! It’s excellent that in this age of sickness and depravity I can make shitloads of money by selling pleasure to the unwashed masses, how they MUST adore me!”

Tricky looks thoughtful and then voices his thoughts.

“In fact have an armed intruder van circle the main residential district tonight, attach to it a loud speaker which will inform the people that they really must adore me.”

“Certainly Tricky” The Entertainer subtly changes tack in anticipation of his next piece of news, Tricky’s moods could be a tempestuous ocean but The Entertainer was a skilled navigator.

“On a more downward note, the Factory was the target of another terrorist attack. Luckily Crack Commando Jinx repelled the assault.”

Tricky shook his head with remorse

“Still there are those who would conspire against me? I do not understand, I give them drugs, protection and the firm hand of dictatorship and yet there are those who wish to end my life” Tricky was genuinely shocked and hurt by this and regularly brought the subject up.

“Yes Tricky, but history shows that any ruler no matter how benevolent was never safe”

“This is true my good friend, power attracts the lunatic fringe, you can’t please everyone” with this Tricky sighed and said “So what’s up with these ho’s?”

It was his friend’s turn to grin and rub his hands together

“Aww Trick, these ho’s got some class “A” ass! We talking booty so clean you could eat your dinner off it!”

“Excellent” said Tricky “Bring them to me”

Soon, the large speakers which earlier had emptied dark techno into the room, jangled softly with the sound of cheesy porn music as The Entertainer “tested the ass”. Tricky has a tester for pretty much everything; kings of old had people test their food for poison. Tricky has someone to test his drugs, his food, his water and now The Entertainer testing his whores. The two whores Tricky had been rather impressed by were in the room with them now. The Entertainer was currently shafting the taller dark skinned one, using the dog position, she was getting a right hammering a giving a good show of enjoying it. The cheap rhythmic beat of the music had started to affect his friend’s rhythm, he was slowing down, starting to enjoy himself

“Hurry. Up. God. Damn. You!” cursed Tricky in short frustrated sentences; The Entertainer barely nodded his acknowledgement

The other whore danced seductively by the door, she was an expressive dancer and despite being small and slender pushed and grinded her hips with such fervour that Tricky’s heart kept skipping beats. She started to dance towards him, and remove the last of her lacy underwear without breaking her stride. Now with her taut body thrashing sensually just feet away; Tricky felt unable to look away from her, his eyes were stuck to her image eating up every bit of it. Soon Tricky was totally mesmerised by the ripe female body that was lingering over him. Whilst he stared fixedly at this woman, the Entertainer was building up to a frenzied stabbing climax when his frantic sexual jerks suddenly stopped. A thin metal spike slid out of his back puncturing the base of his spine, blood dripped from its point and it retracted back through him and into its host; the whore. Tricky’s friend had died instantly when his spine had been severed, he toppled silently onto the floor; there was little blood. The whore still on all fours, looked completely innocent except for a small trickle of blood running from her anus, she stood up and slowly began to approach the mesmerised Tricky. As she walked the metal spike slid in and out of her; in anticipation of another kill.

Tricky knew true desire; the woman dancing in front of him was all that existed, all that was worth having. Just watching her caused a tingling all the way down to his toes, he knew soon he could have her and that was all that mattered. Soon he would be satiated and he knew that after she had satisfied him; he would gladly die for her. Out of the corner of his eye, the slumped form of his friend sparked a small reaction in the numb neural pathways of his brain. The reaction was a voice, and the voice said: -

“They’ve come to get me!” it was panicked, full of concern

A second voice spoke up; the tone to this one was sleazy, suggestive.

“She’s nice! Wouldn’t you really like to slide it in that bitch?”

“Well yeah! Of course! But they will kill me!” more desperation.

“She’s so fine though!”

“Something I’m sure I’ll appreciate when I’m stiff and cold! I must escape!”

“Stiff and hot! Escape? Wouldn’t you rather fuck????”

“Grnnnnn, I can’t get out, I cant!”



The psychic war had been waged, and Tricky had won. Quickly coming to his senses he kicked out at the killer whore in front, hitting her firmly in the stomach and sending her toppling backwards onto the floor where she lay stunned. Jumping to his feet Tricky manoeuvred himself behind his large throne and peeked out over the top of it at the approaching killer whore, her spike was now wet with some foul poison. The whore spoke

“Fool, hiding will only extend your worthless life a short time” her sensuous voice was now filled with malice

“Why do you turn against your creator?” asked Tricky, the tension evident in his voice

“You did not create us when you tinkered with our genes, you destroyed us! You destroyed our humanity! Turned us all into worthless sexual assassins…..” she answers sobbing back her hate. She kneels helping her fellow conspirator off the floor. Her angry eyes then rise to meet Tricky’s cautious glare as he peers over his throne, a tear runs down her face as she speaks again

“Now we only have one thing to live for, your death”

Tricky’s hand whipped out from behind the throne, in it was a large automatic handgun. The rattle of the hundred bullet magazine emptying left Tricky temporarily deaf. Only some of the bullets hit their mark, but enough to send the two women spinning backwards through the air, spraying thick glutinous droplets of blood into the air. They were not quite dead. Moans of agony issued from their broken bodies. Tricky moved cautiously from behind his throne, and to his view screen he tapped it twice. A few seconds later a gruff looking man wearing a black uniform, bearing a red insignia appeared on the screen, he saluted smartly. Tricky spoke

“Sergeant, there are two injured killer whores in here with me”

The Sergeants response was a look of honest surprise, Tricky did not suspect him of treachery

“I would like someone to remove them and tend to their wounds, when they recover I would like them tortured and a video made of it”

“Yes sir” the Sergeant had heard more bizarre requests from his brilliant yet demented lord, so did not flinch at this one. Tricky pressed the screen once more and the sergeant’s image faded from it. He turned and walked to the body of the nearest whore and knelt beside her, taking one of her limp hands in his he asked in a quiet voice

“It will soon be the end of your life; do you think you have learned anything?”

The whore was indeed near death and did not have the strength to reply

“Nothing? In all your time existing you have learned nothing?!” Tricky felt anger overtake him

“Well my little woman let me fill you in on some things you should’ve learnt in your lifetime; the meaning of life is to learn acceptance, very important. But nearly as important is that you learn to accept that you can’t FUCK with Tricky! Hear me? WHORE!” his face turned purple and his mouth opened wide spraying spittle “NOT TO BE FUCKED WITH! Understand?”

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