Can I Survive Losing You?
If you listened hard enough through the concrete walls you could hear Mae pacing up and down repeatedly, across the warm chocolate marble floor of her bedroom. She knew she had to go downstairs and confront her Aunt but she was too busy trying to work up the nerve. It had been a week since she had confided in the others about her Aunt’s condition and for a week she had been trying to confront her about it. However, she could never seem to find the right time. Every time she tried to bring it up at breakfast before school she wimped out at the last moment too afraid of ruining the rest of the older woman’s day. If there was one thing in the world that her Aunt loved it was teaching and Mae didn’t want to taint that joy with confronting her during school hours in the short breaks they had together. What’s more after Constance’s fainting spell in the car, telling her as she drove Mae to and from school was most definitely out of the question. By the time the end of the day swung around, all her courage had slowly drained out of her and not a single drop was left in her in order to even broach the subject.
Which was why on this bright and early Saturday morning she had decided it was now or never. She took a deep breath and made her way down the hall. Besides, the more she came to terms with her current circumstances the more she understood how time sensitive her Aunt’s condition was. No-one lives forever but their time together was becoming more limited by the second. The distance from her room to the kitchen had suddenly become as vast as the Pacific Ocean. She turned back so many times but she turned right back around again eventually finding herself outside the kitchen door. She eased the door open a crack, silently watching her Aunt making an omelette. If she hadn’t known the truth already she would have guessed her Aunt was is in peak condition. From a distance she moved so elegantly as she mixed all the fresh vegetables into the glass bowl already filled with egg whites and yolk. Which was then followed by her expertly turning and folding the omelette as it fried in the pan. She hummed away to the radio that was nestled in the corner of their kitchen. It was only when Mae opened the door wider and started making her way towards her Aunt that she felt her perfect illusion start to shatter. She could see the cracks in her Aunt’s physical form, the slight tremor in her hands, the chair she had close by in case of a moment of weakness and the thinning hair that peaked out of her scarf patterned with lily blossoms.
The flowers were so beautiful but so delicate and that just reminded her of what a state her Aunt was in. She was already starting to wear the battle scars of her cancer and it was a clear that it was a battle she was going to lose. It suddenly all became too much and she felt hot tears of misery start to fall down her face. She was watching her role model and confidant disintegrate from the inside right in front of her.
Her own body was starting to give up on her.
“Good Morning my Mae flower. What can I make you for breakfast today?” Constance said looking up from her cooking but the moment she saw her niece’s expression she stopper.
“What is wrong?” Constance said running over to her niece from behind the counter. Mae was many things and a frequent crier was not one of them. She knew that something had to be seriously wrong.
She then pulled her niece into her arms, rubbing her back in an effort to comfort her. Mae knew she had to say something, knowing that if she didn’t do it now she never would.
“I know” Mae said with her tear stained mouth.
“You know what?” Constance replied hoping that she had misheard her.
“About the cancer Aunty, I know you have cancer” Mae wailed quietly.
“Oh sweetheart. I ..…” Constance said. For a minute she wanted to lie, she would have done anything to remove the pain that she saw in her niece’s eyes but something stopped her. In her young eyes she didn’t just see the pain, anger and betrayal that she was expecting. She also saw a glimmer of understanding twinkling in the far corners and she knew she had to tell the truth.
“I wanted to tell you. I really did but I just didn’t know how. I know how much you have on your plate, A levels are hard enough as it is but you also have this greater purpose. I couldn’t believe it when Afriel first told what God has in store for you all. I didn’t want to distract you or get in the way of that. When you went to China last year I underwent surgery to remove the cancer and I thought I was home free but it came back with vengeance. They say I only have a few more months to live and I want to spend them making lasting memories with you. It doesn’t have to be anything out of the ordinary or special I just want to spend as much time as I can with you. I know how angry you must be with me” Constance said starting to tear up at the thought that the one person she adored most in this world might not actually forgive her for what she had done.
“I am not angry at you, I am angry at the world. I just seems so unfair and I am still struggling with it all. I know no one lives forever but I thought we would have so much more time with together. I don’t know if I will be able to survive all the pain that missing you will leave me with but when I think about it, I am not sure I would even want to. It hurts so much because I love you so much. I love you Aunt Constance and I always will till the end of time but for now I just want to make sure I remind you every day for the rest of the time we have on this Earth.” Mae replied as she took her Aunt’s rather frail hand in her own.
They were interrupted but the blaring sounds of the smoke alarm as a result of the neglected omelette that had been sat in the pan all the time they had been talking. It had started smoking and was now burnt to a crisp. The two women started laughing and quickly went to work scrapping the burnt residue from the pan. They then partook in a mixture of laughter and tears as they restarted breakfast. With Constance even going as far as too tease Mae about a certain special someone. Red streamed across Mae’s cheeks in response and she vehemently denied that she and Micah were anything more that friends. Yet neither she nor her Aunt believed that what was between the two of them was anything like her relationships with the other angels.
Meanwhile in Afriel’s residence, Micah and Afriel found themselves walking down the hallway on the way out of the door. They both moved very quietly almost as if they were sneaking off somewhere and because of that it had taken them a while to even realise the other was there. It wasn’t like they were planning on doing something nefarious, they were both just a little embarrassed about how eager they were to go and visit each of their special someone’s.
“Where are you going?” They asked each other simultaneously before laughing out loud.
“To see Constance” Afriel replied.
“To see Mae” Micah responded simultaneously.
“I see, well I will drive” Afriel said before chuckling to herself.
As they walked over to the empty van Afriel asked the younger angel why he was going to visit Mae in the first place.
“I just have this feeling. From the way she has been acting this week I can tell that she hasn’t told Miss Lee that she knows about her cancer. I feel like she is going to bring it up today and I want to be there for her afterwards in case it goes sideways.” Micah admitted sheepishly.
“I think that is very considerate of you. I too had a similar thought just with a different person in mind. I just want to see how Constance is doing.” Afriel said.
Since it was early on Saturday morning there was very little traffic and they arrived at Constance Lee’s house in next to no time but not before preparing one another for the sheer misery that they might face in the wake of Mae’s revelation to her Aunt.
Afriel took the lead and knocked firmly on their door, which Constance soon answered.
“Hello Afriel, What are you doing here?” Constance asked shocked but not as shocked as the angels were to see her with such a happy aura surrounding her.
“I am here to see you of course and young Micah here wanted to see if Mae was around and may I say you look absolutely radiant today” Afriel said returning her smile in earnest.
“You may, I am honoured and I am sure Mae will be too but I know you are both aware of my cancer. Don’t feel like you have to take pity on me or anything but I really appreciate you coming to see us.” Constance replied
“What I feel for you is definitely not pity, I would call it more of a mixture of respect and awe. I also think anyone would be lucky to take care of you while you fight this battle. However, if you insist on not letting me even do that you can expect a lot more visits from me in the future and I won’t hear anything more about it.” Afriel replied with unfaltering confidence in his words.
“That is very sweet of you and I will definitely keep that in mind but for now please do come in” Constance quickly replied as a little colour rushed to her sickly pale cheeks. She was aware that Micah had somehow become a third wheel in the conversation and she couldn’t let him stay in such a role any longer.
Caught up in her newly flustered state Constance had forgotten to announce the presence of their visitors to her niece and by the time she did it was much too late. They had been having one of their infamous dance parties to her all-time favourite dance track. She had left Mae to it as they had both been under the impression that it had been a delivery at the door, unfortunately for Mae that was not the case.
Which is how the two visitors following behind Constance entered the living room to find Mae totally letting loose and giving herself carelessly over to the music. It could hardly be called dancing, it was more of a mixture of flailing arms and legs but Micah found himself captivated. Just the same way he would be if it had been a prima ballerina performing a flawless rendition of “the Nutcracker” in front of him.
He quietly coughed in order to make both he and Afriel’s presence known. When Mae finally turned around she was beyond mortified. If she could have melted and seeped through the cracks in marble floor in that moment she would have.
“Oh no don’t let us stop you. In fact do you mind if I join you?” Micah asked in an attempt to make her feel better.
All Mae could do was shake her head as a sign that that she didn’t mind, her mouth refused to open since she was still drowning in the rivers of humiliation. The next thing she knew Micah was right by her side dancing right along next to her. She was pretty sure that he was exaggerating his movements and making them extra terrible in order for hers to pale in comparison. It did work though and she immediately felt better and she couldn’t stop laughing as he clumsily twirled her around.
Whilst they were dancing their hearts away Afriel and Constance made a discreet exit. They found a spot by the kitchen counter and began chatting away about any and everything. It was wonderful for Constance to talk to Afriel because he was so kind and understanding. It also didn’t hurt that he knew about everything that was going on with Mae and most importantly, he didn’t look at her like she could fall apart at any moment.
She couldn’t help but feel like in another life they might have been more than friends. If it wasn’t for her illness and Mae’s impending battle against all evil. She could really see herself with such a remarkable man, well angel but nonetheless he was the type of being that came around one in lifetime. It was just a shame that it couldn’t be in hers.
Little did she know that Afriel felt exactly same way except he knew their connection to be true.There had been a longstanding rumour in Heaven that all angels could sense their soulmates the moment they came into contact with them. It had been long forgotten since very few angels every had the chance to go down to Earth and test the theory. It also didn’t help that soulmate partnerships in Heaven were extremely rare. The running theory was that this was a mechanism put in place in order to prevent angels from being distracted from their higher purpose. Yet, somehow Afriel just knew that Constance Lee was his other half and his one in a millennia chance a love but he had to let that dream go. She had too much on her plate even without the cancer and he didn’t want to complicate matters any further. He was happy to take whatever he could get by being her friend at this moment in time was more than enough. They would all make sacrifices for the greater good and this was a sacrifice he would have to make. If they were meant to be then she would survive this fight yet again and after they had faced Lucifer he would come clean.
Otherwise he would keep it to himself.
No matter how much he wanted to kiss and hold her or better yet confess his love to her he couldn’t and he wouldn’t. He simply couldn’t be so selfish as to put her is such a position. He would just have to be there for her in order to show her how beautiful and remarkable she was even if it wasn’t exactly in the way he wished.