Waiting for Tonight

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Wake up Nina

Eunice woke from an erotic dream. She was back in her attic room at Dougie’s place. In the dream a man held her down as she reached the top of ecstasy. It seemed like Terrence. He’d been a player but she’d been his wing man like Top Gun from the start. The scent of Legend cologne was on her mind.

Legend was Sam’s cologne!

Holy fuck!

It was Sam in her dream. She had never had a dirty dream about him before! Her heart skipped a beat thinking about what he’d been doing to her. Nasty girl!

Passion turned to fear at the thought of losing him. Sam had always been more dangerous than the others because he could read her like nobody else. She was afraid he knew too much about her. It was uncomfortable much like facing a fear is. However, if your ready to face a fear you want someone who knows you. If you’re not, the last person you want near is the one who knows all your excuses.

Sam knew her mental ups and downs. He tried to find ways to help her even forcing her to see Dr. Lynch. Maybe she avoided hearing ugly things about herself because she knew they were true.

She felt brave.

How often does someone come along, who will fight to be with you even after seeing the grotesque?

The ashram gave her courage to admit, “I don’t know how to navigate feelings. I built a case against you Sam,” she said.

When Sam said she was in denial, she took it as a cheap shot because he was calling her a liar. What if denial was lying and lying was denial? Interchangeable. Ignorance as protection.

She wouldn’t mention Terrence’s name because it upset him. Did denying the subject of Terrence make her a liar? Maybe it had but she never thought so.

“It’s okay to be real with me in private,” Sam always said.

“I’m am being me Sam. You want to call it real or fake that’s your business,” she said.

“Are you threatened I’m going to tell everyone about your phony side?” he asked.

“There’s nothing you could tell anyone would believe you,” she said confidently.

“Your friends think I’m a total nerd. They’ll think I’m lying? They’d believe you more?” he asked.

“I know so,” she said.

“I think you struggle to admit when you’re wrong. You are a good person. What’s your struggle with truth?” he asked.

Ouch but it was a good point.

He was right. She spent a lot of time wriggling out of her true feelings.

Later at out shopping, Eunice caught the scent of Legend a second time. She looked around but saw no sign of who was wearing the cologne. She’d never been a believer in signs but that was twice in a day. A scent was more a concrete fact than a feeling was. It was a sign.

She was cold from her insides out. She started to panic at the thought of his being hurt. She had knots in her stomach. She’d been a virgin to feeling for people. Something started to shift in her brain where she thought she could lose her mind.

CNN News: Lynching in Texas

“I’m Anderson Cooper, Tonight we report the disturbing details around the unimaginable murder of James Byrd Jr. Not since the most notorious Lynching of Emmett Till and following the timeline all the way to Rodney King in 1992 have we seen such an atrocity.

James Byrd Jr. an African-American man murdered by three white supremacists in Jasper, Texas on June 7, 1998. dragged Byrd for three miles behind a pick-up truck along an asphalt road. Byrd, who remained conscious throughout most of his ordeal, was killed about halfway through the dragging when his body hit the edge of a culvert, severing his right arm and head. The murderers drove on for another mile and a half before dumping his torso in front of an African-American cemetery in Jasper.

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