A Lovely School for Ugly Pickpockets

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Homework Prep

The car jumped in acceleration, I heard my wife beside me exhale a long, deep breath while reaching up and pulling down the visor and glanced at herself into the mirror.

I then heard her murmur.

”Have a watch for passer-byes willa Luv?”

From the corner of my eye, I saw her gently lift the diamonded necklace and carefully fasten it around her throat, letting it dangle down, whilst both of us then admired the rather dazzling, quite eye-catching results.

In a far off, wistful voice she said…

“I guess I do now feel it’s a bit of a waste to have bothered being this dressed up for an evening and not stopping anywhere else?”

I felt a sudden rise as I anticipated where her thoughts may be leading upon at the moment “

“ Ya know my love, we are going to be passing that muggy little bar on the wharf, the one we had a stop in on our last excursion, and…”

She let her voice trail off, and I knew it was for me to continue.

“Care to stop in again for a final drink on our way home?”

“And you can minx the natives with your finery, plus I am feeling a bit peckish..?... Sounds like a plan me dearest!?”

I asked with a wholehearted voice of agreement

She answered whilst still watching the reflection of the diamonds in the newly acquired necklace she was now wearing. The buggers were certainly screaming out their flickering brilliance in the mirror...

“Indeed sir, stop in for a bit of sup, a nip, then you can have a pull at your pipe and tell me how pretty I look!”

I chuckled while adding to her statement…

“A Jewel in the rough indeed you will be in there amongst the sometimes rather dicey patrons at the Poet and the Peasant Pub!”

Brilliant she said, leaning into me, her head gently resting on my chest, giving me an eyeful to look down upon! My eyes took a quick journey along the front of her rather perked features, tightly outlined by the green satin gown, as she grasped my arm!

My eyes also took in the emblazoned diamonds dripping down from her throat, wincing at the brilliant fiery sparkles of the magnificent necklace!

From a distance, they had stood out exquisitely from around the lass in blue’s throat, but up this close, they were almost too bloody blinding of an affair!

I knew full well along what lines my wife was half fancifully conniving up deep in her desires… And wearing that squinty necklace out into that pub was at the center of them!!

^^^^^^^^^^^

I chuckled, knowing we both knew it would be a folly on, oh so many levels, to flaunt about any jewels we had managed to ‘acquire’ in such devious ways whilst out and about on our occasional jaunts we made into the public realm for such related purposes..!”

But I decided to make sure by saying…

“But you know luv, best not wear those diamonds around your throat into a waterfront pub, or anywhere else for that matter!

She was disappointed, but still said teasingly…

“Righto party pooper!”

Then added, lying through her pretty while teeth…!

“ I really wasn’t planning on wearin the pretty things, just joking really…!”

Breaking away she again slipped back into her seat, with a deep sigh of remembrance, before contemplating somberly with a shiver...

“Remember luv? That bloody party we went to for fun instead of working it over.

There we were, you in a tux, me in my best taffeta gown and real diamonds, enjoying ourselves for once… and in the course, letting our bloody guards down!

She took a long sigh, then continued, almost snarling out her words…

“Then go and ending that evening, while admittedly a bit tipsy, and certainly gullibly dressed up in my finest, only to meet that puppy sad-looking lass in the loo! Then while we were both in there, buying into her sob story!...

Then letting her lure me out alone by acting the good Samaritan to help her…!”

I could sense my wife gritting her teeth as she spits out the last bit…

“Then grabbed, waylaid and stripped of everything in a back alleyway by her thievin ruffian friends!!!” Well, I will agree, allowing that to happen once in me life was enough I’ll tell you that!”.

With a shudder, my now wretched-looking wife took in a deep breath after that outburst, then relaxing her expression, said in a more easy-going manner…

“Just say’n your quite right luv…! A second time may spoil the currant mood a bit anyhow, not to mention the loss of these pretties you worked so hard for, husband of mine!!”

(If anyone would like me to post the full separate story of how the back alley thievery event occurred, described briefly above, please let me know in the comments!)

Out of the corner of an eye, I had watched her unhappily undo the fiery necklace and place it back into her smooth lap, and then, as she still spoke, opening our car’s glove case.

My wife reached in and popped open a small secret panel in the back. Pulling out a small, thin black velvet pouch, she carefully poured the sparkling necklace inside…

Then she pulled off her earrings, bracelet and rings…placing them inside also.

Then placed the now plump pouch back inside the hidden niche, and securely closed the secret panel. I heard her give a long sigh unhappily as she did so….. and knew her mind was heading into a darker corner of past experiences…

She patted my pocket which still held her necklace…

“Keep my emeralds safe then for me love!?”

Then she sighed…

“So tis agreed all around then! Stopping at the Poet and the Peasant pub for supper and a nipper, then it is off home to the Drift we go !“

Her mood shifting back, she exclaimed this part merrily!

Then she sighed happily while pulling off the owlish glasses she had been disguisedly wearing from their, perch and carelessly flipped them into the back-jump seat.

Then, reaching up into her hair, undid her matching twin emerald clips (placing them with a smirk into my jackets pocket), and pulled off her shoulder-length black wig, allowing her longish hair, the natural colour of sunset cerise, to freely cascade down from its long-held, tight bindings of a bun… The long black wig soon joined in the back with the discarded glasses.

She then nestled comfortably back into her seat, once again giving my ears a treat from the sounds of her gown slithering against leather, she exclaimed!

“Lead on, Macduff!”

^^^^^^^^^^^^

We sped off, soon putting many miles between us and the soon to be quite surprised, rather mangy cigarette slobbering, empty pocketed blighter!

The snarky brother to the now strikingly bare necked lass in the blue silk dress, whose extravagant necklace would soon appear on a flyer announcing yet another mysterious vanishing of a ladies’ jewels from a formal fancy dress affair!!!

I uttered mysteriously under my breath, as I turned off the main road before speeding on down towards the harbour front pub.

“Let him ponder over that, now… Just like on the telly, eh mate!”

Fini….

For now

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