Morgana brings out a large brown book that you would see in all of those fairytales movies and shows and tells me that we will start with the basic spells. With a wave of her hand she makes these real looking soldiers and tells me that I will practice on them.
“I thought I was going to learn control first before we get to basic spells.”
She looks at me, and nods telling me that we will work on control while learning basic spells. I just nod at her, so she goes back to looking for the perfect spell to start with. As she was doing that I look over to Luna and Shayne and see that they are practicing sword fighting. From far away Shayne looks like he is handling it pretty well and this should be easier than we thought.
“Estrella pay attention.”
I cringe at my full name and she notices asking me what is wrong. I tell her how I don’t like to be called by my first name that is why Shayne calls me Alice. I continue to tell her how I go by middle name instead of my first name and didn’t bother correcting her because she is my mom.
“Why don’t you like your first name?”
“I don’t know. I guess I always felt like the name Estrella was too beautiful to belong to a normal girl like me and just felt like plain o’ Alice did. Also I think it was because that’s what you named me and when Mrs. Taylor told me that you were dead I wanted nothing to do with you. You left me and I hated you for that so I didn’t want to be called something that was left from you, but since I was too young to change my name I just went with my middle name.”
She just looks at me with a shocked but hurt expression on her face. She then leans forward towards me.
“Do you know why we named you Estrella?”
I shake my head at her and she goes on to tell me how it was my father’s idea. Estrella means star and my father wanted our names to have something to do with the sky. His name was Solis, which in Latin means sun, and he told my mother that if they were to ever have two kids he would want one to be named Estrella and the other Luna. Then our family would be the Sun, the moon, and the stars. Forces that are still very unknown to the people but are very powerful. A name that has such beauty, but such power just like us. There is beauty in us being witches but there is also such power and he picked names that reflected just that.
“Estrella your name is beautiful just like you and I didn’t give it to you your father did. I know how you must have felt when you were little to be left by your mom, but now you know why it must have been done.”
I couldn’t help but feel anger towards her when she said that. She doesn’t know how I felt back then. She doesn’t know what it is like to be a four-year-old girl crying for her mommy when she isn’t there. To be a six year old just believing that the only reason your mommy hasn’t come to get you yet is because she is dead. To be a twelve year old just accepting the fact that your mother is going to come back and get you, not because she is dead but because she doesn’t want to. To be an eighteen year old finding out that your mother isn’t dead and the reason she didn’t come to get you is because you’re in danger. She didn’t know how any of it felt and she never will.
“Estrella calm down. Find your counter-reaction.”
Wondering what she is talking about I look down at my hands and see that my powers are once again out of control. I hear Morgana telling me not to freak out but to find my counter-reaction but I cant. It’s too hard. Everything is hitting me at once. All the times I got a migraine when I would get angry as a child and eventually just throw a tantrum until I passed out. Everything that my mother has done to me throughout my life that brought hatred and anger towards her. Every time Guinevere is in my presence. All of it started to make sense. I now know what causes my power to come to life.
“Yes Estrella your power activates when you are angry. Now I need you to find your counter-reaction.”
I can’t I don’t know what it is nothing seems to calm me down. Nothing, when I was a child Mrs. Taylor would try and calm me down by holding me and singing to me, but it didn’t really work eventually I would just pass out. I can’t figure out what would calm me down. I think back to when we were trying to make a battle plan and I was starting to lose control what calmed me down back there? I then see his adorable dimple smile and her his smooth laugh. I remember the feeling of his hand in mine, and how it felt to be in his arms. All of it was calming and I wanted it to happen again.
“Estrella what just happened?”
“What do you mean?”
“You found your counter what was it?”
She says and I look at my hands realizing that they are no longer glowing. I just look at her and then over to Shayne to see him now practicing hand on hand combat with Luna. I hear Morgana whisper I knew it which made me look at her and question what she means. She tells me how she knew it must have been Shayne for he was the only one to calm me down when we were planning and he was the one who brought me back from dying. He is my anchor and helps me control.
She tells me that anytime I feel like I’m about to loose control to think of my anchor. To think of Shayne and I should be able to calm down. Not being able to take all this in and respond I just nod at her and she immediately stands up. I look at her with confusion when she calls both Luna and Shayne over. She tells them how I have officially learned how to control, but now I must be tested. Everyone nods and she tells the two to go back to their training while we work on a couple of basic spells. They do but not before Morgana giving Luna a specific look. I was about to question her on it except she turns it down and we start working on simple spells.
In front of me she lays out two orange candles and some dried what appears to be lavender. She looks at me then back down to the ingredients. She puts the two candles standing on either side of this small plate and on the small plate she crushes the dried lavender. Once finished she looks back at me and tells me to put my hands over the flames. I look at her crazy, but slowly place my hands over the flames. I don’t feel much of the heat but it is still there. I look at her and ask her what this spell is.
“It is a simple happiness spell. After you cast it you should feel happier than you were.”
“Okay now what do I do?”
“Repeat this phrase seven times: This spell please bless, for my happiness”
I repeat the phrase slowly seven times and after each time I say it the flame gets a little longer and comes towards my hands. After the seventh time I have said it the whole flame engulfs both of my hands and travels up my arms. The strange thing is that I don’t feel any heat, but as the flame slowly come up me to embrace I can feel myself growing a little happier each time. Once the flame has reached my heart the happiness has taken over me and now I’m excited.
“That was amazing!”
“That was only the beginning”
She then goes over some other spells such as how to clear an argument and some health blessing spells, but all of them include me having to use supplies and during battle that will be hard. Now that I have perfected those she starts with ones that I have to use my mind. We go with a couple of knocking out spells and basic attacks. We then move on to this pain inflicting spell and I had some trouble pronouncing it. While in the middle of trying to practice it again I hear a small scream and a grunt. Turning my attention towards Luna and Shayne I see Shayne on the floor and Luna on top of him.
Something inside me burned to see them that close, but I started to push it down. That is until I see her starting to lean down getting closer to his face and he is doing nothing to push her off. Does he want her to kiss him? I thought that he…. no he couldn’t have…no he wouldn’t have. How could she do that? I mean she is my own sister. I don’t know what happened next but the next thing I know I wave my arm throwing my sister off of Shayne. Going over to her all I could think of is inflicting some kind of pain on her that she has brought on to me. She brought me emotional pain and now I’m going to bring her physical pain.
“Ah Sha Lana”
Immediately I hear her scream out of pain and for a split second I enjoyed that cry of pain. I can hear my mom yelling at me to calm down and think of my anchor, but every time I think of Shayne I think of my sister’s lips almost touching his and it doesn’t work, just makes me even angrier. I continue to make an advance on my sister raising my hand I think of what I want done to her and is about to cast it when I hear my name being called.
My head whips over to Shayne and I can see the fear in his eyes and that fear for once is towards me.
“She almost killed you.”
“But she didn’t. We were practicing for the battle she caught me off guard, but I’m okay now. Can’t say the same for her.”
I then look over to my sister and she is trying to catch her breath while kneeling on the floor with my mother right over her comforting her.
“But she almost kissed you and you almost kissed back.”
I whisper. No one hears me and continues to try and calm me down. I can hear everyone yelling at me to calm down and it is just working me up even more. The anger inside of me is flowing to an all time rage and I cant control it. I keep trying to control myself, but I can’t. I reach my arm out and realize that my sister isn’t my target anymore.
He looks at me with his eyes wide and his hands in front of him begging me to calm down. I shake my head and continue to whisper that he almost kissed her back. I try to figure out why that is making me act the way I am, but deep down inside I know why. I think back to when I almost died and what the door said. The door that represented what I was living for. The one word that continues to haunt me, yet I cant admit it not yet. Looking at the fear in Shayne’s eyes I know that he doesn’t and that hurts me even more, yet I can’t bring my hand down. I know I don’t want to hurt him, but something inside of me does. The same way he hurt me.
“Alice this isn’t you. Don’t do this.”
He tells me and I look at him in shock. He still tries to convince me that I have control and that I don’t have to do this. I know that, but something inside of me wants to. I look over to him and shake my head.
“Alice trust me this isn’t you. You have control. This is not you.”
“But that’s the thing Shayne.”
As I realize the truth behind his statement I am finally able to lower my hand. Looking at it with certain disgust and shake my head.
“It is me.”
I can feel the tears start to flow down my cheeks. I can’t handle this anymore. I thought I could stay and help them, but I cant. I mean I almost just killed my sister. I look at everyone and shake my head. Whispering an ‘I’m sorry’ and I start to run. I take off into the forest and run as fast as I can.
Running inch by inch. The sound of leaves crunching and trees whooshing is all that can be heard except for the faint voice calling my name.
Run. That’s all that I can hear and that’s all I can do even though my chest is a burning pit of fire and my oxygen is slowly decreasing by each step. Looking forward and not behind I can see that open light of freedom however the voice is getting closer and closer.
“Alice don't run from me”
“We have to face this someday”
“You wanted to know now you do!”
Until the voice can no longer be heard. Trees, trees and more trees are the only thing in my way except the little light of freedom seems to be getting farther and farther away from my grasp. No longer being able to breathe or feel my legs I look back. Instead of seeing the forest I once was in I see burning hazel. Two burning hazel eyes looking at me with such a fiery passion I collapse and for once I catch my breath.
“Alice you can no longer run from me”
“Get away from me”
“Alice stop it!”
“I mean it get away from me!”
“Alice there is no time for your threats you need to get up”
“Alice get up!”
“Alice please why are you running?”
Opening my eyes I see Shayne looking at me with such concern and wonder and then I realize that this feels a lot like déjà vu. This is just like my dream except now I finally know how this goes. Its not going to end in my death and the owner of the hazel eyes isn’t evil. I look at Shayne and cant help, but cry. Shayne immediately brings me into his embrace and just whispers soothing words to me. He keeps telling me how everything is going to be alright and we are going to be okay, and I want so hard to believe him, but I know that is not the case.
“Alice why are you running?”
Shayne asks me quietly and I just sigh trying to catch my breath. Since I haven’t answered yet he goes on to ask if it was because of him, or what happened in the yard and I just shake my head.
“No it’s because of me. I just can’t do this anymore. I mean what happened out there was a big part. I almost lost it and killed my sister.”
“But you didn’t.”
“But I almost did and even my anchor didn’t work when I tried thinking about it.”
“What is your anchor?”
He asks me and I look down at my hands refusing to look at him. He brings his fingers under my chin and lifts my head to have me look at him. He asks me the question again all while wiping the tears from my eyes.
“You. My anchor is you and I tried to hurt you as well.”
I tell him and he looks shocked.
“If I’m your anchor what causes your powers to come to life as Morgana put it.”
“Anger. Whenever I feel any slight anger my powers come to life.”
“Then how do I counter-act that?”
“I don’t know honestly you just do.”
I tell him and he nods helping me up. Asking me if I’m ready to go back. I nod at him and we start to walk back to the house. Its silent at first, but I know Shayne is dying to ask me something. I can just see the wheels in his head turning and wanting to just spit out whatever comes to mind. I call his name and he looks at me asking me what I need. I tell him to clear his head and ask me whatever he is dying to ask me.
“Okay. I just don’t understand. What made you angry back there to where, if I’m your anchor, I couldn’t help you.”
“Honestly you made me angry. Well not really you just what happened between you and Luna. I guess since you were what I was angry about it was harder to use you as an anchor.”
“What made you come back?”
“The idea of hurting you and when you told me that whoever was standing there wasn’t me when in reality it was. It was just a different part that I never explored and honestly that disgusted me.”
Its silent while we continue walking and I start to think about what made me mad. The fact that they were about to kiss set me off. I know why I was mad, but I wasn’t going to tell him that because not only is that admitting it to him it’s admitting it to myself as well and I’m not ready for that. Honestly that would just be a distraction to everything that is going on now and I need to focus more than ever.
I didn’t realize how far I ran until we walk back and I start to see the house. However, when we get close to the house Shayne just stops walking. I stop as well and turn towards him asking him why he stopped. He doesn’t say anything. Instead he starts to smirk at me and crosses his arms across his chest. I look at him confused, but then it hit me. He knows why it angered me. I just put both my hands up and shake my head.
“Don’t just don’t even think about.”
“You were jealous!”
He says to me and I just continue to walk away back towards the house. For the little distance we had left Shayne tries his hardest to get me to admit that I was jealous, but I just don’t say anything. When we get back through the door I am immediately attacked with a hug from my mom asking me if I’m okay.
“You’re not mad at me?”
“No it was my fault. I told Luna to do that for your test I just didn’t think it would get you that mad. But I guess I underestimated how much you lo”
“I get it, but why that as my test?”
“Because there will be points, especially in your case since your anchor is an actual instead of an emotion, where your anchor will be the reason you’re powers activate and you have to learn how to control your powers even then and you did.”
“But I hurt Luna.”
“At a small cost. She has been hit harder.”
“I almost hurt Shayne.”
“Yea but the idea of hurting him stopped you. No matter how mad you are at your anchor, or Shayne in this case, the idea of hurting him hurts you more than whatever you’re angry about. You were able to control it even without your anchor.”
She tells me and I just shake my head bringing my hands up to my head in order to stop the migraine that is coming. I tell her how this is all too much right now and she nods telling me to go rest anyway we have a big battle tomorrow. I just nod not being able to answer since I don’t even want to think about it right now and make my way to my room.
Once I get there I lay down on my bed with my face in the pillows. I couldn’t help, but scream into the pillow to let out my frustrations. When that didn’t work I just decided to cry. Why did all of this have to happen to me? Why did I have to be chosen for this? Why couldn’t it have been anyone else in the world? Why couldn’t I have been a normal girl who is just living a normal teenage life, who happened to run into Shayne at a coffee shop and happen to just become friends? But instead I’m here lying on this bed crying and getting ready to fight a battle of an all-powerful witch.
There is a small knock on the door and Shayne pops his head in asking I he can come in. I nod my head motioning that it is okay for him to come. He slowly makes his way to the bed and when he sees me he immediately asks what is wrong. I completely forgot that I was crying and just shook my head.
“Nothing I guess I was just really frustrated and started to crying.”
“Oh okay. You know there is nothing to worry about right. We will be okay.”
“I really hope so.”
I tell him and he comes closer bringing me closer as well. We both just lay there in each other’s embrace and I watch as Shayne slowly starts to fall asleep. I continue to think about the word on the door in my near death experience as I play with his hair. I was able to come back to life because of this boy in my arms, but it wasn’t just him. Before I went numb and passed out I saw the message on the door, but it wasn’t really a message just a word. The word I don’t want to admit is the reason for today’s anger, but I know it is. The reason I was able to come back was because of Shayne’s voice and the reason behind that is because I love him.
The word on the door was love.
He is my anchor because the love I have for him conquers any angry thought I have towards anyone. The reason I got so upset at both my sister and Shayne is because I was jealous of how close they were. I love the boy in my arms so much that I am willing to do everything in my power to make sure he is safe, even if that means dying for him. He is why I am living right now and he will be the only reason I stay alive. If anything happens to him I don’t know what I will do, but I don’t think about that. Instead I think about his words of how we are going to be okay and immediately fall asleep.