Changing my future

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Chapter 8 - Time to leave

“Prepare the food” Lafrim said walking past me and into the house followed by everyone else, I did not answer just did what had been asked of me, they started to drink as soon as they sat down, I was watching as I was cooking, Lafrim was laughing and joking at least he seemed happy, I noticed one of Hekndar’s son’s Ragna was there, once the food was ready I took it too the table, Ragna grabbed me and put me on his lap grabbing my breasts, Lafrim just laughed as I slapped his hand away and continued to bring the food to the table

“I see that you still have her” Ragna said watching me as I walked around the table

“Yes I still have the bitch” Lafrim laughed

“Can I have one?” Ragna asked still looking at me

“If you mean slave, yes take whoever you like and do whatever you like” Lafrim replied kissing a woman that he had pulled onto his lap, Ragna got up and grabbed my arm I tried to fight but he just punched me, he dragged me to the side of the room and tied my hands together, he lifted my arms above my head and put them on a hook in the wall, he took his knife from his waist and cut my top off, grabbing my breast again

“Why did he choose you and kill my father?” Ragna asked

“Because your father was a fucking ugly pig headed arsehole and fucking deserved to die” I said so that he could not understand me

“What did you say bitch” Ragna shouted

“Talk his tongue” Lafrim shouted without even looking round

“Why?” Ragna asked again and he pulled his dagger across my side, I did not scream, I was not going to give him the satisfaction of watching me suffer

“Why don’t you ask him” I replied

“Because I want to know why he would Chose a foreign bitch over his own kin” Ragna said

“I cannot answer why Lafrim chose me because I do not know inside Lafrim’s heart or head, he is a pigheaded viking and a bloody fool after all, he doesn’t want to hear anything unless he is saying it” I shouted so that Lafrim could hear me

“Why?” Ragna shouted again but this time I did not answer what was the bloody point he would never be happy with the answers I gave him for 30 minutes Ragna asked the same question over and over again and when I did not answer he drew his blade across my skin

I heard the door to the house open and someone walk in

“A plentiful raid I hope” Aldred said I recognised the voice but he could not see me

“It was join us for a drink” Lafrim said

“I will” said Aldred who went and took a seat opposite lafrim he could now see me and was watching everything that was happening

“Why did he choose you?” Ragna shouted again

“I don’t know but you are so bloody ugly that even Hel would not have you in the underworld” I shouted and saw the rage in Ragna’s eyes, he began to punch me the others all laughed

“Ragna enough” Aldred shouted standing up

“”Sit down old man Lafrim has given his permission” Ragna said

“Touch the girl again and I will send you to meet Odin” ALdred said walking towards him and drawing his sword

“”It is you that will be meeting Odin” Ragna said

“My lord Aldred” I said and he looked at me “I am the property of Lafrim and he has said that Ragna could do what he wanted to whoever he wanted, please do not do this, I am only property and not worth your life my lord” I said

“Lafrim” Aldred shouted, turning to face him

“What?” Lafrim said

“You are allowing this” Aldred said

“It is my house and she is my bitch and property” Lafrim replied he had not even moved or looked around, he was still drinking

“Look at her” Aldred shouted but he did not move “look at her” he shouted again and this time when he did not look Aldred grabbed his hair and dragged him from the table turning him to face me, Aldred lifted his head up so that he could see what Ragna had done to me, for a second Lafrim looked as though he was going to say something but he didn’t just looked at his father

“This is my house and these are my slaves I will do what I want and you cannot stop me, if you do not like it get out of my house” Lafrim shouted and went to walk away

“Are you forgetting boy that I gave you this house and everything that you own and I can bloody well take it away from you if you do not stop Ragna attacking Freyja” Aldred shouted and Lafrim turned back around

“Ragna, that is enough you have had your fun” Lafrim said and walked back away and sat down, Ragna put his dagger back in his waistband and went back to the table with the others

Aldred came over and cut the rope that bound me, catching me as I fell, he once again put his cloak around me and picked me up, he started to walk away

“I am taking her to her bed, bring me water and cloth” he said to Alfred

“Her bed is in the barn my lord” Alfred replied

“Fine then meet me there” he said and walked out of the house and into the barn, when he saw my fur he laid me down on the floor

“My lady I am so sorry for how my son has treated you, I told you once that my son would never hurt and that he would never let anyone else hurt you but it seems that I do not know my son” Aldred said as Alfred walked into the barn “I am so sorry my lady” he said

“I betrayed him” I replied “what about Alfred should we talk in front of him?” I asked

“I trust Alfred with my life, he belonged to me before I gave him to Lafrim” Aldred replied

“I will not talk” Alfred said

“It is all my fault,” I said to Aldred as he was cleaning my wounds

“How is any of this your fault?” he asked

“I gave myself to Lafrim and I fell in love with him, he also fell in love with me but I betrayed his trust and Lied to him, I get from him what I deserve” I said

“My lady you deserve none of this, he has taken a hit to his pride and is acting like a spoiled little brat, I will deal with him once you are healed” Aldred replied “you can go now, bring me a fur I will stay with her” he said and Alfred left returning moments later with a fur, Aldred laid it on the floor next to me and sat down

“Do not be too hard on him, he has done nothing wrong, he has also moved on, he has changed” I said

“How?” Aldred asked

he took a slave from the last raid and made me watch, he does not need me anymore” I said

“He will” Aldred said and I screamed I had pain in my stomach, it worse than anything that had ever happened to me but I Knew what it was, it was what I deserved for what I had done

“What’s wrong?” Aldred asked jumping up

“It is nothing my lord” I replied

“It is something” he said “ all in the time that I have known you, I have never heard you scream at anything” he added

“It is what I deserve” I replied, I knew what was happening to me, I had known for a few days

“What is it?” he said taking the fur off of me and seeing the blood in between my legs

“Nothing” I said and covered myself back up

“You are losing a child because of Ragna” he said

“No my lord this is the God’s punishment for what I have done to Lafrim, The child has been gone for a few days and this is the last of it” I replied

“Does Lafrim know?” Aldred asked

“no , it was not something that he needed to know, I already knew how he felt for me and he did not need to know” I replied

“I will tell him” Aldred said

“No you will not, I do not want him to know” I said

“As you wish,” he said and that was it we said no more that night, for two days Aldred did not leave my side, he helped to clean and change me, he cleaned my wounds and he fed me, we were sitting there talking

“The holymen told me that you lived on their island for awhile” I said

“I did, they helped me to heal and taught me their language in return I taught them ours, I sent you there because I knew that you would be safe with them” Aldred said

“They raised me to know what would happen to me if I was ever brought here” I said

“Father Damian taught you” Aldred said

“How do you know?” I asked

“The language that you use, is how he used to talk, I bet father Thom did not like that you picked that up from him” Aldred said

“He did not he said that Damian had to beg for forgiveness every night for the way he spoke, he was a grumpy arsehole” I said laughing as Alfred walked into the barn

“Bring me my son” Aldred said

“Yes my lord” Alfred said and walked out of the barn, coming back a few moments later with Lafrim behind him

“What do you want?” Lafrim snapped at his father

“Pull your head out of your arse and swallow your dented pride, I told you who she is and she could not tell you because your life would be in danger if the king found out, all Freyja wanted to do was protect you” Aldred shouted

“She lied” Lafrim said

“So bloody what if she lied, she did it to protect you, Look at what Ragna did to the woman you love” Aldred shouted

“I never loved her, she was only ever for fun and I have had that, I now have a woman that I I will make my wife” Lafrim said

“That’s bullshit” Aldred shouted “if you did not love her you would have not given her your ring” Aldred

“It is not, she was only fun” Lafrim said

“I know how you feel and you cannot hide it, I saw it in your eyes when I first saw you with her and I know it to be true because even now you cannot look at her, you will not even talk to her, your mother is the one that makes me whole and without her I would be lost and an arsehole like you, Freyja is the one that makes you whole and without her you are lost, you need to get over yourself before you lose the only thing that can help you” Aldred shouted

“There is nothing to lose, I have everything that I need and she is not it” Lafrim said walking away

“You are a fool boy, maybe one day you will see it before your bloody stupidity gets you or her killed, then you will be nothing but an arsehole and no longer my son” Aldred shouted at him

“I hope she is killed” Lafrim said as he walked out of the barn

“My lord please do not worry about me, the holymen always taught me that for every action there is a consequence and this is mine” I said

“He will see” Aldred said “I must leave you now, you are safe and Alfred will keep an eye on you” he added and kissed me on the head and walking from the barn so, that was it I had lost Lafrim forever and nothing I said would make any difference to that, I would no longer try and make him see that I loved him, I would do my job and that was all, Lafrim was in and out of the holdfast for the next two cycles of the moon, not once did he talk to me, there was even a week where he did not notice that I was not on the holdfast, he had been gone a few days when I walked off into the woods and did not walk back but continues to walk through the woods and see what else was around and whilst I was there I decided that as he had not noticed I was not there it was time for me to leave, he did not need me around reminding him of what i had done and he had already moved on, I could not do the same, I loved him and that was all there was to it, that was never going to change, the next night he was there and sat at the table drinking, I made my plan to leave, whilst he slept I wrote a note which would mean that he would not come after me, he would believe me dead and move on with his life the note read

My dearest Lafrim

I cannot live around you any longer I cannot bare to be around a man that I love with all my heart but see him so empty, so sad, I never meant to cause you any harm, it will be easier for you if I am not around for you to see.

I wish that I had picked up a sword on the day that you came into the church and stood and fought that way you would have killed me, then I could never have caused you this heartache and pain

I hope you can find a woman that will make you truly happy and that she will never lie to you, I have gone to the place where it all started and I will greet whichever god is waiting for me with grace

Live well my Love

Freyja

I left the note on the table and took the choord off from around my neck, after all it did not belong to me it was his and he would need it to give to the woman that he would make his wife, I looked at him sleeping “goodbye my love” and then turned and walked from the house with tears rolling down my cheeks, I had already saddled up one of his horses and rode off the holdfast, I would leave the horse by the lake to be found, I would leave some of my stuff that I was wearing the night I was attacked by the lake, it already had a lot of blood on it, I would add more and he would think me dead, he would believe that I was no longer around and he would not have to look at me anymore, I did not know where I would go, all I knew is that I had to get away from him, I could not stay there and watch him as the man that he had become it was breaking my heart, I had also decided that I would never love another man, he was the only man that I ever wanted and if I could not have him then I would not have anyone, I deserved a life of misery for what I had done and I would get it

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