Twisted Sisters

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Scene 6:

Background: Rooftop night

Narrator: And while some light hearted usual banter was on amongst the three friends. There was trouble brewing in the heavens.

Brahma: If you cannot do such a simple job then you shall be demoted. But you are at the lowest rung already. Go to Earth and find that page. NOW.

Brahma: And please no more excuses. I am tired of your excuses. Plus I know your excuses before you even say it. It is so tiring to know everything all the time.

God’s Assistant: Absolutely sir. I understand your burden. I assure you I will search every corner of Earth and not rest till I have found it.

Brahma: I know you have a sweet tooth and shall stop on the way to eat. If there is a delay then the fate of the Earth will change, the universe could topple. You do not understand the gravity of the situation. Do not tarry. Run. Run. Run.

Brahma: You have only a few seconds to get the page which will be around 48 hours in Earth time, 43.5 hours in Hot Dog galaxy and 228 hours in Andromeda. See how tiring it is to know everything all the time. Now go and get that page.

God’s Assistant: Sir, I shall not stop. I shall not rest. I shall go and get that page now. Bye. Take your pills on time please.

God’s Assistant (thinking): Brahma ji you know everything but you forgot that the page also has a tracking functionality. I need only 2 hours to go down and get it. The rest of the time, I shall satisfy my foodie cravings. Heaven is good, but they eat ′Amrit′ all the time. It gets boring after a while.

God’s Assistant: What is happening to the locator? Why is it running here and there? I hope no wild animal has picked it up. This seems to be its present location. Let’s see.

Upla (Whisper): There is a ghost behind you.

Tammy: You know that used to work when we were kids.

Upla: Seriously man, a fellow just appeared behind you.

Titli: Now who the hell are you and what are you doing on our roof in a lockdown? Are you a thief?

God’s Assistant: Oh crazy humans... get out of my way. I am on an urgent assignment.

Tammy: Oye... If I slap you now you will not wake up for a century. When we ask you something, you answer or else...

Upla: Yeah bro... who are you? And why were you glowing a second back? You are not a ghost na?

God’s Assistant: I am looking for the ‘Pratishitastika Vyom one’. Who are you and what are you doing on the roof so late at night? Go and sleep.

Tammy: Uncle ji... look for your whatever somewhere else. These Shahdara roofs belong to us. Get lost.

God’s Assistant (thinking): Why not hire these humans to search for the page and have a quick round of choley bhaturas in the meantime. What’s the use of coming to Delhi and not gorging on some roadside food?

God’s Assistant: I am God. I am looking for a page that dropped somewhere here on Earth. But for the last half an hour or so my page locator is running all over the place. It’s jumping up and down and doing all sorts of tricks. Will you help me find it?

God’s Assistant: The page will look like a sheet of gold to you humans and easy to find in the night as it will glow.

Titli (thinking): Oh! GOD... Wow... Or maybe not so wow. I hope Tammy and Upla do not give us away.

Upla: Hehehe... well met God. Now tell me how much money do you carry? Show me your purse please. You need to pay our roof tax first.

Tammy: You are God. Stop this blasphemy your arsehole. A god cannot get caught like this on a rooftop. Out with it you thief. Where did you go and what did you steal? Say it now or I am calling in people.

Titli: And people in our locality would love some exercise in the lockdown. I hope you understand what I mean dear God. Why not tell us the truth instead?

God’s Assistant: Ok. Ok. I am not God. I am his Assistant or formally his Light Optimised Herculean Assistant Reader.

Titli: That would form an acronym of LOHAR. So you make tools for him? You are not a thief? Is that your final answer?

Upla: Shall I shout and call everyone now.

God’s Assistant: Hey... hey... I am telling you the truth. A Lohar types up whatever god says on to a page with his fists all day and night. And I do not want people to hit me. I have strong hands but my body is quite brittle.

Titli: Prove that you are God’s assistant.

God’s Assistant: I shall show you my page locator. Wait. Oh... it says that you have the page. Do you?

Titli (thinking): Let me deny any knowledge of the page. He might just be a thief who has seen us with the gold page. But even if I agree with him, I can always make a scene and get people to gather in seconds. We will beat him to a fraction of his life. Nobody robs us.

Upla: Oh you mean the golden page? Yes it is a magical one. Are you really God’s Assistant?

Tammy: Arghhh... UPLA. Shut up.

God’s Assistant: Doesn’t Upla mean shit? Why such a name boy? You are so sweet. Now un-hold me. Let’s talk.

Tammy: When will you learn anything Upla?

Titli (thinking): This page is the best thing that has ever happened to us. I have to do something.

Titli: I am sure you have a lot of other pages. We are not giving you this page. Go away. We need this page to turn our lives around. We will not give it to you.

God’s Assistant: See I have to take this page back with me in the next few hours whether you like it or not. But I can help you if you can get me a plate of Choley Bhaturey. I cannot find even a single shop open in this lockdown. Ten thousand curses on this Corona.

Titli: Help us and we will take you to the best place for it.

God’s Assistant: Ok. Deal. I can allow you to use the page and learn any skill you want. You will also be able to use the skill twice in your lifetime and no more.

Titli: Three skills and all they stay with us for life.

God’s Assistant: We made a deal already.

Titli: My roof, my rules.

God’s Assistant: Fine, forget it. I will take the page and will have to find the shop myself. I am sure my nose will guide me to it.

Titli: You are a tough one Assistant. I like you. One skill, two times use. Done. Upla get him a plate from the corner shop please.

God’s Assistant: Good. Done... I thought all shops were closed in a lockdown.

Tammy: For you... yes. For us... everything is open. But why Choley Bhaturey?

God’s Assistant: When I go back, God will ask me if I had sweets. If I eat this instead, I need not lie. Lying is a sin for a god.

Upla: God’s Assistant. Remember what you just said? Lying is a sin for you. What kind of a god are you?

Titli: Upla go and get him a plate of Choley Bhature please and come back fast. We need to think.

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