Chapter 19 - New Epiphanies
Sunlight streamed in through my closed eyelids. I did not want to wake up, not now or ever.
I came out anyway sitting down to eat a breakfast of cereal and cherries.
The rush of cars down below and warm sun made it clear that I had overslept.
But now unlike other times, I could not care less, in fact, I wanted to sleep more than anything.
My eyes rested on a magnet on the fridge.
“You never know the courage inside yourself till being courageous is the only option left.” I read it aloud.
“Courageous?” that is what I am or was. Was I acting like a freak, like Carlos?
“Courage”, I remembered my teacher said back in grade school, “is having the power to go on even when it’s hard it is to fight, even with no limbs believing in what you say, and when you’re the only one believing in it.”
I am not supposed to be here eating cereal. I should be with Audrie finding dad and defeating mom once and forever. Am I only strong-minded and brave when it is about someone else but if it is about myself, I give up and fall?
The thoughts that were still in my mind finally broke the dam I had erected.
Was Ziri correct, was I changing?
Now more than ever I needed a friend to cry on. I needed someone that really cared for me about me.
But no one did and with a start, I saw neither do I.
I am not caring for myself, for my people. I had a responsibly and I was eating a cherry. I was no better than Carlos hiding away, I had the same weakness.
But he had grown into a man and I knew it. Could I? Yes, will I?
It was time to find out.