The Mis-Adventures of Star Cat

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Chapter 3

[Time: 9:45 AM]

Scurrying up to the throne of CKM and bowing dramatically, making sure to avoid eye contact, a mouse servant announced, “Your highness, the most powerful and gracious king in the entire universe, I have some news for you.”

“Oh, for goodness sakes, Percival, is it absolutely urgent?” asked the King, picking his teeth with a tooth pick as his other mice servants fanned the hot air off him. “It’s so hot in here since we have to pump all of the air conditioning into the dungeon to keep the cheese cells frozen, and I’m exhausted.”

Percival went on to say, “Well, speaking of the cheese cells, we’ve had an attempt from a prisoner to escape, you see.”

“Tell me it isn’t the pretty little kitty we managed to scoop up from planet Cater?” asked the King with a sneer on his face.

“In fact, it is her, your highness! What do you propose we do about her insolence?” asked Percival while holding up a clenched fist.

“Bring her up to me, and I’ll straighten her out!” said CKM with anger in his eyes.

“Yes, of course, right away!” said Percival. Without a moment to spare, he ran off down the long red carpet leading out of the throne room, through the enormous cheese doors, and out of the King’s sight.

Snapping his tooth pick in half and throwing it on the ground, CKM growled and clenched his teeth with rage. He exclaimed, “How dare that little cat try to escape from the great Kingdom of planet Swiss Cheese! And to think that I was just going to allow her to comfortably reside in the dungeon, without any trouble from me, until I was given my desired ransom for her safe return to Cater. Now, I’ll make sure she stays very uncomfortable in her cell. Little Miss Princess Starry will get no luxurious treatment from me if she’s not going to give her fellow royalty any respect!”

…MEANWHILE…

With her tongue stuck to another bar, again, Star Cat looked up at me as we waited for someone to turn the alarms off and said, “Hiss Uckss!”

[Narrator] Yep, this really sucks. Not just because you’re still imprisoned, but because my narrating skills obviously aren’t good enough to create a pair of keys that would successfully open your cell.

Star Cat pulled her tongue off the bar, and it smacked her in the face. Wiping the spit out of her eyes, she said, “Oh don’t be so hard on yourself, Narrator. You did the best you could.”

[Narrator crying] I couldn’t stop the tears of disappointment from welling up in my eyes. I just wanted to be prettier! WHAAAAAAA! WHAAAAAAAAAA!

“Oh, so that’s what all this crying is really about?” said Star Cat. “I can’t believe you’re blubbering over how mediocre your looks are, when I’m stuck in a prison cell! You should be crying for me!”

[Time: 9:50 AM]

Just then the dungeon door flew open, and a little mouse wearing a servant’s uniform came stomping towards us. “All the crying stops now!” yelled Percival as he walked over to Star Cat’s cell and opened it with his own set of keys. The alarms stopped sounding, and he grabbed Star Cat by the arm and said, “I’ll be handcuffing you and taking you up to meet the King. You’ve really made him mad trying to escape and all. So, I suggest you be on your best behavior. And quit conniving with the lady standing behind that podium over there, or I’ll have her locked up too!” He pointed his skinny finger at me and said, “Come on then, off we go.”

[Narrator] So, he handcuffed Star Cat and walked her up the stairs to meet the King. She just stood there looking back at me with fear in her eyes, and that’s when I knew I had to keep following her; not because I’d lose my job if I didn’t continue the story, but because I knew I had to try and save her! Quickly, I picked up my podium, waited a few seconds, and followed the two of them down some long, windy corridors, filled with pictures of Royal Mice, until we made it to the throne room.

Once inside the throne room, Percival addressed CKM by saying, “Here you go your majesty! I’ve brought Princess Starry here for you.” Percival bowed and smiled because he knew his master was proud of him. As soon as Star Cat heard Percival say that CKM thought she was Princess Starry, she looked back at me and silently mouthed the word, “HELP!” At the time, I was powerless to do anything but narrate. So, I really could not help her, what with all the mice guards lined up around the edges of the throne room. All I could do was watch the spectacle unfold before me from behind my safe and cozy podium.

“That will be all Percival,” said the King, waving him off. Percival was crushed, as usual, receiving no praise from the King. He frowned deeply as he walked away in his little servant outfit, shoulders hunched and tail dragging all the way out of the throne room. Star Cat noticed that it was strangely dark inside CKM’s throne room. You could really only see his throne and the red carpet leading up to his throne. It’s probably so dark in here because he is evil, right? Well, let’s find out. Anyways, the King jumped up out of his throne, straightened his robes, and held out both of his arms as he said, “Welcome to my kingdom, Princess Starry. It was very rude of you to try to leave us so soon when you haven’t even been given a proper tour, don’t you think?”

“No!” yelled Star Cat as she tried to jiggle her paws out of her hand cuffs, “I’m handcuffed, I was hit by a hover car, locked in a dungeon, and I’m not a princess, you turd!”

Shocked by her comment, the King replied, “I’m a turd you say?” He started to laugh, “Ha ha ha ha haaa ahhhh AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” and then screamed at the top of his lungs, “HOW DARE YOU SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT!” Huffing and puffing as he struggled to sit back down in his throne, CKM pressed his paw against his forehead and spoke softly, saying, “I mean, someone of your royal standing should know better than to talk to a King so disrespectfully, right?”

Absolutely terrified by the King’s screaming, with her eyes closed and paws up protecting her face, Star Cat slowly took a step back and said again, “With all due respect CKM, as I said before, you are wrong; I am not Princess Starry. My name is Star Cat. I’m not a princess at all, although, I wish I was. You just hit me with your hover car when I was on my way to the annual hoverboard race, which I probably would have won if you hadn’t kitten-napped me!”

Twirling his whiskers and nodding his head, CKM sighed and said, “That’s the perfect story that a princess would use to try to get out of being kitten-napped!” He stood up again and walked around his throne saying, “I’m sure your secret service trained you to say that, didn’t they? You cats think you are so smart, but you’ll never outsmart me!”

Under her breath Star Cat mumbled, “We’ve been outsmarting mice for millennia, why would we stop now?”

“WHAT WAS THAT?” raged CKM as he turned, tucking his scepter under Star Cat’s chin to lift her eyes up to meet his. He paused to clear his throat, and then he calmly rephrased his question, asking, “What did you say to me?”

Star Cat could see how angry he was since his left eye was twitching, and he seemed to be having some difficulty breathing. So, she thought to herself that she shouldn’t repeat what she really mumbled, and, instead, she opted to say, “She eats out starting twice per weekend-ia?” Her voice raised a little at the end, like she wasn’t sure if that made sense, because it didn’t, but she relaxed when she realized CKM had fallen for it.

“Who is this ‘she’?” he asked, very puzzled. “And why are we talking about her?” Star Cat just shrugged her shoulders. With no response from her, CKM said, “Never mind that! I know you’re just trying to confuse me and change the subject anyways. You are so difficult! Ugh! I can’t deal with you any longer.” Then, sitting back down and clicking a button on the armrest of his throne, CKM yelled into his intercom speaker, “CMM come here!”

“Yes father, what is it?” squeaked a soft voice through the speaker. “I’m sorry I haven’t been as tentative towards you today, but I’ve been having a delightful time tinkering with the Princess’s hoverboard!” You could hear the happiness in CMM’s voice, and, with a clap of his hands, he added, “I’m sure I’ll have it upgraded to a world class hover craft in no time.”

Perking up a little due to how proud he was of CMM, CKM said, “That’s so impressive my boy! Well done, well done. Anyhow, I know that you know a lot about psychology, and I was wondering if you could do me a little favor?”

“Sure thing, Pops. Do you need another counseling session?”

“What? Um, no.” said CKM as his voice shook with embarrassment, “I don’t know what you are talking about, but it seems that when Princess Starry wrecked into us---”

“YOU WRECKED INTO ME!” yelled Star Cat interrupting the king.

[Time: 10 AM]

CKM paused for a moment to glare at Star Cat, making sure she was done with her outburst, and then he continued his conversation with CMM, “---It seems that when Princess Starry wrecked into us, she lost all recollection of her past and believes herself to be a common civilian of planet Cater. I was hoping you could help her tap back into her long-term memory so that I can have some civilized conversations with her. I can’t get anywhere with the way she’s acting right now! She’s making me so mad that I just want to--” CKM was so frustrated that he could not speak anymore; he suddenly clenched his teeth and punched his speaker out. However, CKM immediately regretted his recklessness because he completely busted his speaker system. Trying to see if it still worked, CKM pushed the button frantically and asked, “CMM, can you hear me, CMM?”

“Your majesty, please step away from the broken throne!” yelled a servant who rushed out of the dark corner of the room. “You could electrocute yourself if you keep tampering with it,” he said while he scurried over. As he helped the king out of his seat, he began poking at the speaker with some tool and said, “By the looks of it, I can have it fixed quite soon. Forgive me for not being a better engineer in the first place. I had no idea you would punch the speaker with such great force when I initially designed the throne, your Majesty. It’s my fault.”

“It certainly is your fault, Reginald,” said the king calmly as he twirled the left side of his mustache, “but I know you will fix it. So, I’m not mad. Perhaps I should have been more careful as well. Please do fix it as soon as possible, and, when it’s finished, I’ll be in the kitchen eating a block of cheese to calm down.”

Smiling and nodding his head, Reginald said, “That’s a lovely idea! As soon as it’s fixed, I’ll let you know.”

Just as the king left the throne room and opened up the door to his kitchen, CMM came scurrying in through another door on the other side of the throne room. Confused as to the situation, CMM asked Reginald, “Where did my father go? We must have been disconnected somehow.”

“No, no,” replied Reginald, “he was so angry that he broke his speaker system.” Giggling a bit, Reginald went on to say, “So, he went to eat some cheese and settle down.”

Chuckling loudly, CMM said, “Classic CKM!” Then, they both started laughing together about the King’s childish behavior.

“HEY!” yelled Star Cat standing right in front of them, “I’m still here you know,” she said as she held up her handcuffs, “and I would really appreciate it if you could let me out of these handcuffs, please?”

CMM looked at Star Cat and said smugly, “Before I do that, I think it would be best if we went back down to your cell and tried some psychological tests to help you remember who you really are, Princess Starry.”

She rolled her eyes, again, and said, “For the hundredth time, I’m not Princess Starry.” Then, Star Cat yelled, “My name is Star Cat!”

“Well that certainly suites you,” said CMM snickering, “considering you are a feline, no doubt, that is shaped like a star! Ha ha ha ha ha!” CMM and Reginald began laughing together again at CMM’s observation.

“Where do you get off making fun of my name?” Star Cat looked back at me and asked, “Narrator, didn’t you say that this mouse’s name is Cheesy Moon Mouse?”

[Narrator] Yes, Star Cat, that’s correct.

“Well then,” said Star Cat taking a deep breath and saying, “I guess it’s not easy, being cheesy!” After that witty remark she managed to fall on the floor laughing, and even rolled around a bit.

“I am royalty, and you are to respect me in my castle!” yelled CMM as he grabbed Star Cat by the handcuffs and started to lead her back to her cell. Then he looked straight at me with a bit of confusion in his eyes and asked, “And who are you anyways?”

[Narrator] I’m the narrator, your highness. I go around and tell the story. It’s my job.

CMM looked puzzled at what I had just told him, and then said, “Oh okay, I guess that’s fine. Just don’t get in my way or anything, or I’ll have you fired.”

[Narrator] I would never do that, sir.

“Oh royalty, shmoyalty!” yelled Star Cat as CMM continued to pull her down to the dungeon, “Apparently everyone here thinks that I’m royalty too. So, doesn’t that mean that you have to respect me, CMM?”

“No, it doesn’t,” said CMM as he yanked on Star Cat’s handcuffs, “because you are a prisoner now.”

Stopping abruptly, Star Cat looked at CMM and asked, “If I can prove to you that I’m not Princess Starry, will you let me go?”

“Well, yes. Of course.” said CMM.

“Since I’m in jail, I should be allowed one phone call, right?”

CMM thought about it for a second and said, “Sure. I think that’s standard etiquette.”

“Great!” Star Cat ran over to the cheese phone at the entrance of the prison and dialed a number. A few seconds later she said into the phone, “Hi King Isadore, its Star Cat. I was just wondering if I could speak with Princess Starry? Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh. Hi Queen Gabby, it’s Star Cat. Yes, the cat that was in Princess Starry’s class last year. I was wondering if I could talk to her and invite her to my birthday party that’s coming up. Yes, I’ll hold. Thank you so much!” then covering the mouthpiece of the phone with her hand she said, “Cheese, get over here! I’m going to let you talk to Princess Starry so you know that I can’t possibly be the princess.” Then, hearing Starry’s voice on the other line, Star Cat spoke into the phone again saying, “Hey, girl! You know CMM, right? Yes, I thought you had been to a royal ball or something, and he was there too. I’m actually hanging out with him right now, and he just wanted to say hi. So, here he is!” handing the phone to CMM, Star Cat stepped aside and watched as they talked.

“Hello?” said CMM, “Princess Starry? Yes, it’s CMM. How have you been? I do remember all those times we hung out when our parents were negotiating things. Yes, how could I forget the time my tail was stuck in your mom’s ball of yarn? Ha ha ha. It was nice talking to you too. Yes, I’ll tell Star Cat you can’t wait to see her again. Bye, bye.” CMM slowly hung up the phone and looked at Star Cat very closely.

“See Cheese,” said Star Cat, “I told you I’m not her!”

“Did you just call me Cheese?” asked CMM.

“Yep,” said Star Cat, “It’s so much easier to say then CMM, and it’s cute!”

Rolling his eyes, but not entirely rejecting his new name, Cheese said, “You do look an awful lot like her, but I suppose you’re right. It must have been Princess Starry on the phone because nobody else could possibly know about all of those memories from our royal childhoods.” Putting his paw to his chin he then said, “I’m terribly sorry, Cat Star, for this huge mistake.”

“It’s Star Cat!”

[Narrator] Wow, I can’t believe Star Cat came up with such a great idea to get Cheese to believe that she wasn’t Princess Starry. Now, I guess we’ll have to wait again for Star Cat’s brain to recharge so we can experience another brilliant idea!

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