The Mis-Adventures of Star Cat

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Chapter 5

“Come in! Come in Star Cat! Can you read me, Star Cat?” said Cheese over his walkie-talkie. Cheese was sitting in the garage while Star Cat was wondering down a dark corridor trying to find her way to the King’s throne room.

“Yes, I’m here! I feel ridiculous, though, wearing this stupid mustache that’s only halfway stuck to my face. And this potato sack I’m wearing is so itchy.” Star Cat said into her walkie talkie as she scratched herself.

Cheese said, “Over.”

“What?” Star Cat was not sure what Cheese meant. Was the mission over?

Cheese clarified by saying, “You’re supposed to say, ‘over,’ when you’re done speaking into the walkie talkie. Over.”

Irritated by Cheese’s stupid rules, Star Cat said, “Well you didn’t say ‘over’ the first time you beeped in. Over.”

“My bad. Over.”

“You’re an idiot. Over.”

Getting really mad, Cheese yelled, “Oh, so I’m the idiot! You know you’re the one-”

[Narrator] GUYS STOP FIGHTING DURING OUR MISSION!

Star Cat beeped in again over the walkie-talkie and said, “She’s right Cheese. What’s the plan again?”

Cheese paused for a second before daring to say, “Over.”

“Tell me the plan, Cheese, before I reach through this walkie-talkie and kill you. OVER!”

Looking a little frightened at Star Cat’s last comment, Cheese said, “Okay, okay, I was just messing with you. Calm down. While the Narrator and I stay in the garage monitoring you from the security camera footage in case you need back up, you are going to probably stumble upon some guards. They will think that you’re a lost hobo and will take you straight to my dad to see what he wants to do about you. Then, once you get there, all you have to do is say you were looking for some sun block. I’m sure he’ll give you some if you act really pathetic. You look really pathetic, so I think you can do it. Over.”

“Gee, thanks for the boost in my self-confidence” Star Cat said sarcastically.

Cheese smugly replied, “I do what I can, it’s all I can do. Now, once he puts some sunblock in your bag, make sure you do not entirely close the bag.”

“Why?”

“That is a super expanding bag, engineered by our most brilliant mice. Once the bag is sealed completely, anything inside will begin to expand, creating more and more of it. And if you leave the bag closed for too long it will eventually explode under the immense pressure. So, just bring the open bag with a bottle of sunblock inside it back to me, and I’ll take it from there since I know how to safely use the bag. Once you get the sunblock just head outside by the front doors of the castle. The Narrator and I will be flying around waiting for you in your upgraded hovercraft that I just finished. It looks awesome! Over.”

Then from the opposite end of the hallway a guard yelled, “Hey!” at Star Cat.

Star Cat immediately jumped up in fear and shrieked, “WHAT!?” Realizing she sounded more like a scared little girl instead of an old hobo with a mustache, she cleared her throat to try again. Using a deeper voice, she said, “I mean, eh hem…What der you want, sonny?”

The guard looked right at Star Cat and asked, “What is a sorry old man like you doing wandering around the mighty CKM’s castle?”

Realizing that the guard had no idea that she wasn’t actually a sorry old man, Star Cat said, “Oh I almorst fergot! Do yer happen to kner wher any of that sun blocky stuff of yers is?”

“Well, if you follow me, I can take you to the King. He handles all sunblock transactions.”

Smacking her lips and trying to make as many old man sounds as possible while following the guard, Star Cat said, “What a nice young feller yer are! Thank yer serrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr much!”

Watching her follow the guard down the hallway on the surveillance monitors from the safety of the garage, Cheese looked at me and asked, “Narrator, do you think she can do it?”

[Narrator] I hope so, or we’re all in big trouble.

Then, as Star Cat and the guard entered the throne room, the guard bowed quickly to avoid eye contact with the King and said, “CKM, your majesty, sir, I have found a wandering hobo in the palace who claims he is looking for some sunblock.”

“Wanderning hobo? How dare ye!” yelled Star Cat at the guard as she poked him several times in the back, licked her lips and said, “I am not a, um, ay, ummmm, a hobo!”

“Well then, if you’re not a hobo, surely you can pay for any and all of the sunblock that you need, right?” asked the King.

Hesitating a little, Star Cat looked around, rubbed her paws together and said, “Um, no. No, I don’t have any of that stuff ye call money.”

CKM rolled his eyes and said, “So, then you are a hobo.”

“NO, I AIN’T NO STINKIN HOBO!” yelled Star Cat, “I’m just an old man who’s on a budget, that’s all. And me skin is very sensitive to eh, um, the sun. Please, dear King, spare me just one bottle of the strongest SPF ye got, and I’ll never bother ye again. I promise.”

“This is so ridiculous,” said CKM while throwing his paws up in the air. “I’m busy trying to find my son, and now I have to go get this poor old guy some sun block. Really?”

“I could go fetch him the bottle your highness.” said the guard “I know right where the sunblock is stored, and then you could get back to focusing on CMM.”

CKM relaxed after hearing that and said, “That would be wonderful. Please do that for me.”

So, the guard ran off to get some sunblock out of the storage closet while Star Cat stood there in the throne room waiting for him to return. During this time, neither she nor the King spoke, but she started noticing that her mustache was beginning to slide off her face more and more. So, she turned away from the King to try to pat it back onto her upper lip, but it just would not stay on her face. CKM thought that the hobo was acting strange and asked, “Hey old man, what are you doing over there?”

“Just pickin’ me nose is all,” said Star Cat quickly, “didn’t figure ye’d want ter see.”

“Oh, for goodness sake, that’s disgusting!” yelled the king, “Stop that at once or you’ll never receive any sunblock for the rest of your life from me!”

Just as the king had finished yelling, the guard ran back into the room with a nice bottle of sunblock. Star Cat quickly grabbed her bag and held it open for the guard to drop the sunblock inside so she could hurry up and leave. As he was about to drop it into the bag, he said, “It was nice meeting you, old man. I always love helping the elderly. I was a Cheddar Scout, you know! We would get badges for good deeds similar to this…” and he just kept going on and on and on, and Star Cat’s mustache kept falling off more and more and more until-

“THANKS, I HAVE TO LEAVE NOW!” yelled Star Cat, interrupting the guard as she grabbed the bottle of sunblock and ran away, leaving her mustache on the floor.

The guard bent down slowly to pick up the fake mustache, looked back at CKM and said, “I didn’t know mustaches just fall off your face like that. Well, now I definitely don’t want to grow one. Not that I can’t grow one or anything.”

CKM jumped out of his throne and yelled, “You imbecile, that wasn’t an old man, that was Princess Starry!”

“Do you really think so?” asked the guard in disbelief.

Punching his throne and breaking his speaker again, CKM yelled, “Of course it was! After her!” Then he hit the alarm button underneath the arm of his throne chair causing the entire palace to go up in red flashing lights again, and alerting, “LOCKDOWN! LOCKDOWN! NOBODY LEAVES!”

While watching all of this happen on the monitors in the garage, CMM said, “We better get out of here quick, Narrator! Follow me!” So, we both jumped into the hover craft and flew out of the garage to wait for Star Cat’s arrival outside. CMM pulled out his walkie-talkie and beeped in again, “Star Cat come-in. Over.”

A loud scream came through the walkie-talkie and then she yelled, “Help me, ‘HUFF,’ they’re running after me, ‘HUFF!’ What do I do? Where do I go?”

“They know who you are now, which isn’t good, but the only thing I can think of that might save you is if you close the bag!”

“How will that help me? So, the sunblock doesn’t fall out?”

“No! Remember the bag will begin expanding and eventually explode with sunblock. So, you should be able to block in all the guards and get away!”

“Alright, whatever you say boss!”

[Narrator] Star Cat quickly closed the bag as tightly as she could while she kept running down the hallway. The guard mice were all running after her and were right on her tail. The longer she ran, the more the bag of sunblock grew heavier and bigger, and the more and more the guards gained on her. Finally, she couldn’t run with the bag any longer because it was too heavy, so she dropped it and kept sprinting towards the front door. Confused and a bit bewildered, all of the guards stopped to examine the growing sack. Was it a parting gift that the princess had left them for being such good guards? Was it a distraction to keep them from catching her? Was it a bomb of some sort?

Whatever it was, it grew so big that none of the guards could even get around it to continue chasing Star Cat. They were trapped inside the castle! So, they all turned around and ran back the way they came. Holy smokes, the bag was expanding so quickly that some of the guards were squished underneath it! Finally, the bag couldn’t expand anymore, and it exploded! “POP!” Sunblock flew everywhere. I mean, literally, everywhere. It oozed throughout each room in the palace, in all the nooks and crannies, and it even went into everyone’s ears, eyes, noses and mouths. Outside, it looked as though it had just snowed about two feet because of the thick layer of sunblock. No one would need to buy sunblock again for years to come. Thankfully, Star Cat made it outside the castle before the bag burst. So, we were able to scoop her up in the hover craft and hover high enough above the palace that we weren’t hit by the explosion. What an explosion it was, though! I’d say it was even better than the greatest fireworks show I’ve ever seen, wouldn’t you agree guys?

“Oh, most definitely!” said Cheese delighted.

“I’m, ‘HUFF,’ still, ‘HUFF,’ trying, ‘HUFF,’ to catch my breath. What happened? What did I miss?” said Star Cat between breaths and hunched over holding onto her knees.

“Um, nothing,” said Cheese, “don’t worry about it.”

Star Cat looked at us with tears beginning to form in her eyes and said, “Now that the bag blew up, how are we going to get any sunblock?”

“Don’t worry about that Star Cat,” said Cheese reassuringly, “I thought ahead and took another one of those expanding bags out of my dad’s garage. Now all we have to do is scoop a little sunblock off the palace, throw it in this bag, and we’ll be set for life!”

“You really did that, ‘sniff, sniff,’ for me?” whimpered Star Cat in between sniffles.

Cheese smiled from ear to ear, gave Star Cat a little punch on the shoulder and said, “You betcha, buddy!”

All Star Cat could do was smile back, give him a big hug and say, “Thanks, pal! I owe you one. Not just for saving our sunblock situation, but for saving me from eternal imprisonment as well. You really are a great friend…so far.”

[Narrator] Awe you guys are so cute together! You make the perfect couple, you know. I mean, it’s a little strange since you’re a cat and you’re a mouse, but true love knows no bounds.

At the same time both Star Cat and Cheese looked at each other with disgust, jumped away in opposite directions and responded, “EW! We’re just friends!” Then, pointing at one another they said, “I don’t love you! Gross!” Then they stuck out their tongues and made gagging noises.

[Narrator] It was quite the sight. They were so in love with each other that they even said the same sentences and made the same faces. How cute is that?

“We’re not in love, Narrator,” said Cheese.

Then Star Cat added, “We’re definitely not in love, Narrator. So just quit saying that okay?”

[Narrator] Okay, okay, okay. Fine! Is it too much to ask for a little romance in this story?

Then, Star Cat and Cheese simultaneously yelled, “YES!” at me.

“We’re wasting time with this silly nonsense,” said Cheese. “We have to get some sunblock and leave as soon as possible. So, I’m going to lower the hovercraft back down towards the castle. Then, Star Cat, you’re going to take the expanding bag, hold it out the window, and, when I get close enough, you’re going to scoop up as much sunblock as you can. Remember, do not to close the bag though. Okay? I’m not going to stop the hovercraft at any point. So, we only have this one shot, or the guards might see us and be able to stop us. Are you ready Star Cat?”

[Narrator] Grabbing the new bag from Cheese’s paws, Star Cat nodded and faced the open window. She was fully concentrated on what she needed to do. She was so concentrated in fact that it looked like she wasn’t even breathing. Star Cat! Are you alright Star Cat? Breathe!

She took a deep breath, turned, glared at me and said, “Yes, Narrator, I’m fine. Leave me alone! I’m trying to focus.”

[Narrator] Geez. Alright, alright. Anyways, both Star Cat and Cheese were in position. Cheese lowered the hovercraft like a pro, and Star Cat scooped up a big glob of sunblock that was dripping from one of the many swiss cheese holes in the castle.

“We’re locked and loaded,” said Star Cat.

“Mission accomplished,” said Cheese while giving Star Cat a thumbs-up.

[Narrator] Just as the guards had tunneled their way out of the sea of sunblock and into the front yard, Cheese hit the throttle and we zoomed off into space, leaving Planet Swiss Cheese behind with more than a bit of a mess to clean up.

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