The Mis-Adventures of Star Cat

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Chapter 8

[Narrator] Meanwhile, Chris and Jon have just started hovering out of planet Cater in their search for Star Cat. Headed for planet Swiss Cheese, the boys were more than a bit confused.

[Time: 11:05 AM]

“Which one is it again?” asked Chris.

“The stinky one with all the holes in it,” said Jon as he was trying to get the GPS to work. “Why won’t you just give me directions to planet Swiss Cheese!” he yelled at the GPS as he punched the screen.

Chris grabbed the GPS out of Jon’s paws and said, “Come on Jon, we don’t need a GPS. We’ve been to this stinky planet before, remember?”

Jon rolled his eyes and said, “Obviously I remember going to the greatest amusement park in the galaxy, Cheesy Fun Land, on planet Swiss Cheese a few years ago. However, our current problem is that, since we were both playing with our paw-held Video-GameCats on the flight over, neither one of us were paying any attention to the directions. So, do you have any bright ideas on how we can find our way there, Chris?

[Narrator] Chris couldn’t respond to Jon’s question because he didn’t hear him say anything. All he could see and hear was the game he was playing on his paw-held Video-GameCat. His mouth was wide open, and he wasn’t even blinking.

“CHRIS!” yelled Jon waving his arms up and down. Chris snapped out of his gaming trance just long enough so that Jon could snatch his game away. “We need to find Star Cat quickly so that we can be home before dinner. That means we can’t play any games, okay?”

“No, Jon,” said Chris reaching for his Video-GameCat, “that means we have to play games, or we’re never going to find her!”

“What? Why? That doesn’t make any sense.”

“I have a theory,” said Chris, “that if we play the same games that we played on the day we went to Cheesy Fun Land, perhaps we will recall how to get there by remembering what we saw in our peripheral vision.”

“Or,” said Jon starting to get really agitated, “we could end up hovering aimlessly around the galaxy and get hopelessly lost!”

“Well we could always ask for directions if that happens.”

“Why don’t we just ask for directions right now? It would save us a lot of time, Chris!”

Chris waved a finger at Jon and said, “We will not ask for directions right away, my dear younger brother, because we are men! Self-respecting men never ask for directions before getting hopelessly lost.” Chris proceeded to pat Jon on the head and said, “You’ll realize that I’m telling the truth once you get a little bit older, and you will thank me later, I promise.”

[Narrator] Chris then gently took his Video-GameCat back from Jon and started playing it, causing him to relapse into his gaming trance. In such a trance, Chris becomes totally oblivious to everything except winning his game and managing to stay close enough to Jon not to get lost. So, Jon took the liberty of hovering up to a nearby rest station, and he asked some of the workers for directions to planet Swiss Cheese. Chris had no idea that his manliness was at stake, and Jon quickly knew exactly how to get to their destination. Everybody wins!

[Time: 11:20 AM]

When they were in eye-shot of planet Swiss Cheese, Jon nudged Chris out of his gaming trance gently and said, “Hey bro, we’re here! Come on! Wake up Chris. Who’s a good Chris? Who’s a pretty Chris?”

Slowly coming out of his trance, Chris replied monotonously, “…I am…”

“That’s right. YES, YOU ARE!

“Dude what are you doing?” Chris had finally snapped out of his trance and was freaked out by Jon’s adorable-kitty-voice. “You know I hate it when you talk like that.”

“I know, but I had to get your attention somehow because planet Swiss Cheese is right over there!”

Chris smiled, nodded his head, and said pompously, “I’m so great. Did I tell you we would find it, or did I tell you we would find it?”

Rolling his eyes, Jon sighed and said, “Yep, you told me we would find it.”

“Woohoo!” yelled Chris, “Let’s go!”

[Narrator] Racing towards the planet, the boys were so excited to find their sister and be home way before dinner. That way, Momma Cat would be really proud of them. As they flew closer and closer to planet Swiss Cheese’s surface, though, they noticed that something was different, very different.

“Ew,” said Chris, “what the heck is all that white stuff?” Chris was making that face you make when you accidentally touch a piece of used gum that’s stuck to the underside of your desk.

Jon’s eyes lit up with pure joy and he screamed, “Snow!!!!! I love snow! Maybe Santa is here! Oh, my goodness!!!!” Jon was so excited that he even started purring.

“Dude, do you really think Santa could be down there?”

Jon zoomed off as fast as he could towards the surface with Chris following closely behind, and they were both hoping that they would run into Santa and get tons of presents for being such great brothers by searching for their little sister. When they reached the surface though, they were no longer excited, but instead they were confused. “Well, all this stuff looks like snow,” said Jon, “but it’s not even cold here. How can there be snow when it’s so warm outside?”

Chris moved his tail down over his hoverboard to test the temperature of the white stuff all over the planet that looked like snow. When he scooped a little up and brought it to his nose to sniff it, he said, “That’s funny. It smells and feels like sunblock.”

“Chris get that stuff off you!” Jon yelled, “That’s not sunblock, that’s zombie juice!”

[Narrator] Chris looked up from sniffing the goo on his tail, and his heart sank so quickly that he almost fell off his hoverboard. Zombie mice that were foaming at the mouth slowly emerged from the sea of ‘zombie juice’ and were making their way towards the two brothers, from all sides, with their arms sticking straight out. Of course, the zombie mice were all moaning just like sick, undead mice would moan. Jon was so scared that his hair was standing on end. Without hesitation, he grabbed Chris’s arm and sped off into the sky to search for the castle.

Totally freaked out, Chris screamed and asked, “Where are we going?”

“We’re going to CKM’s castle,” said Jon. “If this is a zombie invasion, you know the King would be the most protected mouse on the planet. Plus, we need to ask him about Star Cat, and there’s no time to waste. If she was turned into a zombie, we have to find the antidote.”

Getting a smile on his face, Chris said, “Jon, this is just like that one video game we have! Invasion of the Zombie Mice! That game was so much fun to play!”

Laughing a little Jon said, “I know! This is kind of cool!”

Hovering up towards the castle, the boys saw that there was zombie juice was all over it. Knowing that this was going to be a dangerous mission, Chris said, “Alright Jon, we’re going to need some weapons so that we can fight off those zombies.”

Jon looked around and said, “Well there’s a sporting goods store just across the street. Why don’t we look in there for something to use in case we get attacked?”

“Jon, that’s a grand idea!”

[Narrator] So, the boys hovered over to the sporting goods store, which was also covered in zombie juice. Jon found himself a nice pair of nun chucks and a baseball bat, and Chris picked up a golf club and some rope. Ready for action, the boys went up to the checkout counter to pay for their items, but no one was there. They reasoned that, since they were heroes and were saving the world, they could just return the items after the world was saved, no harm done. On their way back across the street, to the castle, they ran into several zombies. They both yelled out cries of fury and knocked out the zombies by clubbing them over their heads. They gave each other a high-five after every victory, making their brotherly bond that much stronger.

[Time: 11:50 AM]

Upon entering the castle, they hovered easily through the open front doors and noticed that, not only was the outside of the castle covered in zombie juice, but the inside was too. This alarmed Chris and he asked, “Jon, don’t you think that it was way too easy to get inside His Majesty’s castle? And, Jon, don’t you think it’s strange that the inside of the castle is covered in zombie juice too?”

“Yes, it was definitely too easy,” reasoned Jon. “I believe I know what happened here, Chris. This is where the zombie outbreak must have originated. CKM probably had his evil scientists experimenting with bringing the dead back to life so that he could live forever as the King! Something went wrong though, like it always does with evil scientists, and all of the mice became infected after being bitten by the undead laboratory mice. This caused them all to turn into zombies.”

[Narrator] Agreeing with Jon’s perfect zombie logic, the boys carefully hovered their way deeper into the castle until they found what appeared to be the throne room. There, they saw a zombie sitting in a throne, foaming at the mouth, and trying to get up out of his chair. He was struggling and he kept slipping, because there was so much zombie juice all over him. Quickly, Jon grabbed Chris’s rope and hovered over to the throne where he proceeded to wrap it around and around, effectively tying up the zombie. The zombie thrashed and squeaked with rage as he tried to get out of his bindings, until he was exhausted and reluctantly calmed down.

Chris hovered over to the captive zombie and saw that he was wearing a crown, meaning he had to be CKM. Chris said, “Alright, zombie CKM, we have a few questions for you. And if you refuse to cooperate, we won’t hesitate to use brute force.”

Seeing that Chris and Jon were armed and angry, CKM looked up at them and tried to say, “Please don’t hurt me, I’m not a zombie I swear,” but he had so much sunblock in his mouth that it sounded more like, “Eeeez ownt gurly ugh oooga bomgie wear!”

Jon looked at Chris sadly and said, “He’s too far gone, brother. He’s so blood-thirsty that all he understands is eating living flesh. Language means nothing to him now.”

Fearing that the boys would leave him tied up to his throne CKM tried to spit as much sunblock out of his mouth as he could so that they could understand him. This time he managed to coherently say, “Please don’t hurt me, I’m not a zombie I swear.”

Shocked that the zombie could talk, Chris replied, “Then why are you covered in zombie juice like all the other zombies, and why couldn’t you talk just a moment ago?” Raising his golf club up in the air threateningly, Chris continued to ask, “Was that your zombie language, you zombie?”

“No,” yelled CKM, “of course not! I’m not a zombie, I’m just covered in sunblock you idiots! Don’t you smell the sunblock? Doesn’t it remind you of going on a beach vacation?”

“Oh,” said Jon, “I guess you were right Chris. It was sunblock.”

Continuing to struggle to get out of his bindings, CKM said, “Now, could you please untie me so I can get out of this blasted throne?”

[Time: 12:05 PM]

[Narrator] So, the boys untied CKM and helped him up onto Jon’s hoverboard. CKM asked them to hover to the garage where hopefully there would be no sunblock, where he could get a drink of water and change robes, and where they could talk privately. After hovering over to the garage, CKM jumped off the hoverboard and asked the boys to wait outside the door for just a moment. Once he had freshened up, he invited the boys into his garage to thank them for saving him.

“How can I ever repay you two brave young gentlemen?” asked the King.

“Well,” said Chris, “we came here looking for our sister, Star Cat, and we were wondering if you have seen her?”

“Yeah,” added Jon, “we found her helmet in the tunnel of a deserted road on planet Cater with some cheese residue on it. When we went to the cheese festival in town to see if anyone could tell us about it, a nice mouse named Esmerelda told us that you, CKM, are the owner of this particular cheese; the most valuable cheese in the universe, your combination of pepper jack and cheddar.”

Hearing the name of his favorite chef, CKM’s eyes lit up with excitement. “Oh, Esmerelda is a fantastic chef,” said CKM sniffing Star Cat’s helmet, “and she’s correct. This is my cheese. The only cat I’ve been in contact with recently, though, is not someone named Star Cat but, rather, Princess Starry herself. Although, she did try telling me that she wasn’t the princess, but I know her when I see her. She’s the one that made this huge mess of sunblock, and she mouse-napped my son, CMM.”

“Actually, Star Cat looks so much like the princess that she’s won several look-alike competitions…” said Chris continuing to argue with the king.

[Narrator] While Chris and the King kept arguing about who was right, Jon decided to look around the garage for something to sit on. When he found a stool at the far side of the room, he ran over to it, but, before he could sit down, he noticed a piece of paper laying on it. He picked it up and saw that it was a list. The title of the list was, “Things We Need For Our Club House,” and it had food, water, tools, sunblock, and metal, to name a few things. Also, on the back was a drawing of Star Cat, the Narrator, and CMM on an asteroid together in a club house. Star Cat even practiced signing her name a few different ways. Wow, she really must have been bored waiting for Cheese to fix up her hoverboard.

Jon knew they had to leave as soon as possible so that they could catch up to Star Cat and bring her home before dinner. He also realized that CKM was crazy, and there was seemingly no way that Chris could convince him that Star Cat was not Princess Starry. So, Jon did what he had to do. He agreed with CKM and said, “Hey Chris we need to leave. CKM, you’re right, it was Princess Starry who made the huge mess with the sunblock. Sorry we bothered you. Good luck cleaning it all up!”

“Jon what are you-” but, before Chris could ask any questions, Jon grabbed his arm again, and they hovered out of the castle back into space.

“Hey!” yelled CKM. As he shook his fists in the air he screamed, “Get back here with my cheese! That’s my cheese on that helmet, and I want it back!”

[Time: 12:20 PM]

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