I walked in the door feeling exhausted, today had not gone as well as I had hoped. I dropped my bag to the couch as I walked to the counter and sat on a stool. I layed my head on my arms and sighed.
My phone whistled at me and I reached my hand in my trouser pocket to retrieve it.
I read the message from my mom, asking if I still planned to come up this weekend. It is my birthday on Saturday and she wants to celebrate. I keep telling her that I do not want to drive that far. It is only a four hour drive, I just use it as an excuse.
I feel that our relationship has been greatly strained since I moved out, among other things. I just do not know what to do, I will have to figure it out. But not right now, I am too tired.
I drag myself up off the stool and turn to face the room. I have a little apartment in Springfield, it is alright, I have never really loved it here, or even liked it. I only came here for the business opportunity’s, and now it seems it was not worth it.
I have been trying to get a deal for months, no one seems interested in any of my work. Business has never been one of my strong points, but I did not think I was this bad at it either.
I walk over to the boot tray and kick my boots in their general direction, and hang up my jacket on the hook next to the door. It has a big scratch on it, I wonder where it came from. I turn back towards the kitchen and open the fridge, there is not much, I need to go shopping but I cannot seem to muster the motivation.
I decide to skip the snack, and instead sit on the couch. I rifle through my bag and pull out my folders, laying the papers out on the coffee table, surveying the pieces I chose to show. I can see why they were not interested, the color is dull, they have no feeling, my work is mediocre.
I lean back and look for my phone, glancing over my shoulder I see that I left it on the counter. I retrieve and unlock it, wanting to avoid responding to my mother I open Instagram and start scrolling mindlessly.
After a few minutes, I give in and open messages. I hesitate, not sure what to say. I start to type, decide against it, and erase it all. I start typing again.
-Yeah, I can come up Saturday morning I guess.-
I hit send before I back out, and wait for a response. After waiting a minute I get up off the couch and head toward my room, walking down the hall feels empty, I have nothing on the cream colored walls.
Getting into my room, I toss my phone on my bed, grab some clothes, and head back out to the livingroom. I check to make sure the front door is locked and walk in the bathroom.
Turning on the water, I go for a hot shower. I strip out of my clothes and get my toothbrush out of the drawer, as I brush my teeth I glance in the mirror and pause a moment, looking at myself. I think i am looking pretty good, better than I was at least.
I spit into the sink and rinse my mouth, put my toothbrush back in the drawer and bump it closed with my hip as I open the shower door and step in.
I let the hot water run over my body feeling a bit more relaxed, I breath deeply in and out, trying to calm myself. I pick up the bar of soap and start to scrub my body, starting at my head, rubbing soap into my short hair, running the bar down my neck and chest, back and stomach, going lower, then to my legs and down to my feet, then to my hands working up my arms, armpits, and finally my face.
I turn the water to lukewarm, and rinse all the suds off, feeling the water is still too warm, I adjust the water almost cold, and stand under the shower head. I feel the water running down my face, to my arms and off my fingers, down my legs to the floor. I start to feel too cold and shut off the water. I just stand there, feeling the cool air on my wet skin. I step out of the shower and pick up a towel, I dry off and put on my clothes.
I step out of the bathroom leaving my dirty clothes on the counter, I will take care of them later. I mosey back to my room, glancing at the clock I note that I was in the shower for almost a hour, laying on my bed I pick up my phone and see my mother has responded.
-Great! I am excited to see you, we are going to have a lot of fun ;) If you want, you could come up Friday night and we could hang out more, <3 I am happy you are coming :)-
I send back,
-I can be there Saturday morning, I can leave early and get there around 11:00am. It will be good to see you guys, <3-
I have my doubts, but I can try to make the best of it, maybe it will be nice to see them all.
I lay back on my bed and stare at the ceiling, feeling defeated, I stay awake long enough to crawl under the covers, and I fall into sleep.
I squint my eyes at the morning, wanting it to go away. I blink a few times wanting to go back to sleep, but I have to get up do things. Not ideal. I sit up, and immediately fall back down, I lay still a moment, and try again. This time I make it up and stay there, now to stand. I swing my legs out from under the blankets and set them on the cold floor, brushing away the blanket on my lap I stand slowly, using the night stand to steady me.
I shuffle to the kitchen and eat the last piece of bread in the bag. I slowly walk back to my room to get dressed to go to the store.
Starting to feel better, I think of what I am going to do today, I want to take a look at my recent work and try to learn from my mistakes, learn what to change to get better.
Feeling more calm and determined I head out the door.