⚔︎You're Just Human⚔︎
This was it, everything he had been working and training for was lead up to this very moment. His first official mission. He followed along as quickly as he could with the rest of his fellow agents down to the locker rooms to gear up. Changing into cargo pants, a bullet-proof vest, combat boots, knee and elbow padding. All black and each bullet-proof and flame resistant.
After that Conner rushed down to the weaponry and loaded up his belt and strapped it on. Then he placed his earpiece in and the wire down his back and off he went to find the others. He hadn't seen Damian since the previous night but he set that aside and went over to where Baker was.
There Baker told him to climb into the helicopter with the others and that he would be taking him a different route. Conner simply nodded and hopped into the helicopter.
There he stood and held onto one of the handles near the door along with the other agents. Still apart from Damian, but he was ranked a level higher than Conner so he was with the others like himself. Standing by he looked out and watched as they lifted off the base's rooftop and flew. Some agents were sitting while Conner stood along with Baker.
"Ya think you're ready for all o'this newbie?"
One of the agents said over to Conner to which his response was a shrug. After that, he heard plenty of things from the other agents. Whispering all kinds of things that he knew were about him. Furrowing his brows a little bit as he listened in to the chatter that was happening.
'Think it's real?' 'No way, look at him.' Giggles and chuckling came about as they went on about his size. Conner knew of course that he was shorter than average, regardless it never stopped him before.
'Dude's like a hobbit, or an elf' 'He's dead for sure.'
Rolling his eyes Conner had enough and was allowing himself to get irritated over it. Something he was trying his best to fix and control.
"All right, we all had a good laugh."
He remarked out to which everyone just simply laughed at him. He shook his head and glanced over to Baker who seemed angry but he /always/ had that look on his face. He then looked out on more time to see that the helicopter was landing and it was now or never to get himself as prepared as he could. So he did so, taking a deep breath and doing his best to keep his composure.
Concealing any nerves and mostly keeping his temper at bay.
He let go of the handle and started with the rest of the agents, only to get stopped by one of them. The one that asked her 'gal pal' if 'it' were real.
"Ah, you're supposed to stay put. Leave this to the big kids."
Saying as she hopped out of the helicopter. Oddly enough she was the exact same height as Conner, which made it even more annoying. Rolling his eyes he went and hopped out anyway, only then to have Baker tell him to stand down and wait a moment. He did so and looked around, trying to see what was going on.
Watching as the other agents got to fight a real fight, whip out their weapons and beat some goons. That unreal feeling came about Conner again and it felt like he was in some kind of movie. Seeing everyone kick, punch, even shoot like real-life agents right in front of his eyes.
All while he stood there standing behind Baker.
Conner began to feel like he was a kid being babysat and quite frankly he hated that feeling. The more he tried to move forward and join the others Baker would make him stay behind. It grated at his nerves and made him feel like dead weight. He wasn't someone who was obedient, to begin with, and usually was one to run off and do whatever he wished. To him, this was no exception and he was itching to go out there with the others and put his training to use.
Conner stood down for a little longer, slowly backing away from Baker. He waited until he was distracted to rip the earpiece out and make a run for it.
He whipped out his staff from his belt and clicked it for it to expand out and head into the fight with the others.
At first, he went ahead and stayed behind the others and observed how they were handling the fight.
As much as he was dying to get out and fight, he was confused about really what to do. So it held him back a bit. Watching the others as they took the blow.
One of them yelled, and Conner snapped out of it and quickly dodged a blunt object getting chucked at him.
"What the hell man, why are you here?!"
"I'm an agent too! Lemme do this!"
"Get outta here hobbit! You can't do any of this, all you're doing is fucking shit up!"
'Shut up' Conner said between his teeth. Feeling a heat wave through his limbs, and tension build in his chest.
"Just get out of here now. No one cares and you'll probably get shot anyway."
Glaring now, he felt his breathing increase. He gripped tighter onto his staff as he felt it all boil up inside of him. Stomping over Conner swung his staff and cracked the other agent right in their face.
"I said shut up!"
"You can't do that!"
One of the others yelled out at him. But he just ignored it, spinning his staff. He turned around and started heading off with the other agents. All until one of the girl agents ran right to him and launched herself onto his back. Trying to grab at his staff, he quickly bent over and flipped her right off of him.
Once she was down he retracted his staff and ran off.
Picking a random direction, he ran as fast as he could to get away from, everyone really. This was exactly what he was trying to control and hide, but there it was. He felt it getting worse the more he tried to keep it all down.
His boots skidded to a stop and he looked left and right before once again going by guesswork and running off. He took out his earpiece so he couldn't contact anyone, not even Damian if he wanted to. He was completely on his own and had no idea where he was or where he was heading.
Rushing down long halls of the abandoned building, it took Conner a moment to figure out where he was. But he kept running, picking and choosing random directions and heading those ways. He had no idea what he was even doing but the more he felt his temper flare up the more he felt the need to just run.
Keeping his pacing until he spotted a light at the end of one of the halls and headed right for it. Squinting his eyes from the bright light he found himself at the back end of the building. The other agents were all there and all fighting off, whoever they were. They all seemed a bit older than him so he looked around to try and find Damian.
Conner looked away for one brief moment and as he did so he felt a kick swing right to the side of his face. Knocking him back but not down, with no hesitation, Conner whipped back out his staff and whacked the goon right in the face and used his foot to push them down. Planting a foot on their neck before stepping over and going after the others that were charging right for him.
Spinning his staff between his fingers he went right after them. Swinging and cracking in all directions. Right before placing it back aside and using his hands to fight instead. Getting beating a couple of times, Conner kept at it, allowing his anger to set off and get the better of him.
Going at it and using every move he had been taught the past year, as well as inventing his own along the way. As one tried to grab him from behind, Conner ducked under and moved behind. Twisting their arm behind their back and pinning it. Then using them as a human shield as the others tried to come after him.
Shoving the one he had pinned at the others and had them topple onto one another. After that Conner ran off once again. Heading over for the next batch to fight. Ignoring what the other older agents were yelling at him to do and going off to keep fighting. Grabbing his staff once again and swinging while he ran.
Cracking at people all down the line, skidding to a stop he spun it around and whacked a few more. Using it to block any hits to him, and pushing away any trying to tackle him down.
One swift grab and his staff were ripped right out of his hands. Conner then spun around and kicked them down. Taking a moment to stop and take a breather, he hardly realized hard he was really going at it. His body couldn't keep up with it all. Lungs were burning and his throat was very dry. However, he really didn't feel himself slowing down he wanted to keep going.
"There you are!"
The familiar voice rang out as Conner was still trying to catch his breath. With blurred vision, he looked over to find Baker along with some of the other agents from his ranking. All of them trailing behind him, with the girl he threw off of him right beside.
"Ya fuckin' snitched on me?"
Remarking out as he took the back of his hand and pressed it to the side of his mouth, the kick from earlier had cut his lip. Along with being smacked around during the outburst.
"McAlister, ya can't go around hitting a teammate just 'cuz they pissed you off!"
Dropping his hand he took in a deep breath, eyes harder than usual. Looking away from everyone a moment before moving his eyes back to them.
"I won't have any more of it."
Baker finalized before turning back to his location with the other older agents.
"Don't think about it too much, they're angry because they're closer to Hell."
"Ya never learn do ya?"
"Oh what? You're not scary at all you elf."
"Shut up man, it's stale anyway."
The agent went up to Conner and pushed him, which right off the bat was probably not a good idea.
"Dare ya t'make me big boy!"
Again with no hesitation, Conner went ahead and shoved the other right down. Just as he did so the girl went over to him and grabbed onto his wrists pinning them down. That was only worse. Conner growled snapped himself out of her grip, shoving her down as well.
The girl, however, didn't want to back down. Quickly she got back up but as she did so. Conner dipped down and flipped her right over his shoulders, slamming her to the pavement. Heaving with a low growl under his breath, he felt a hand to his shoulder in which he spun around and threw his hand.
Getting stopped in mid-air, Damian gripped onto Conner's fist tightly. Conner then completely froze once he realized who it was. Seeing the look in his eyes made him finally slow down.
The harshness in Conner's eyes quickly faded, the more he looked to his friend the more he became worried. Damian was the last person he ever wanted to harm. His breathing picked up in a more panicking manner now, expressions filled with sorrow. The more he saw the hard cold glare in Damian's eyes, the more he got worried and upset.
Damian threw Conner's hand down harshly before pulling up his hand, rubbing at it a little bit.
"D-hey... I.. I would never- I mean I'm-"
Damian spoke out sharply. It actually made Conner flinch and cower.
"You can't go around acting like a little maniac attacking whatever comes your way! You could get yourself killed out here! You're fuckin' lucky I came when I did!"
He was yelling and again it made Conner cower and become afraid. He looked down to his feet as he went on and nodded.
"Yeah, well you better be."
Conner looked up as he watched Damian walk away and he stayed back as the others got picked up off the ground. He followed as they all set back up to the helicopter and flew back to the base.
The same agents as before had informed Jones what had happened. But that time Conner didn't do or say anything. He just stayed back and kept quiet.
Replying what had happened with Damian in his head over and over. Focusing on how cold he looked, the words he yelled out, and how disappointed he seemed in Conner. He always hated letting people down, it was something he just could never get over. Whether it was letting his father down after losing a match, his mother if he had gotten into a fight at school, his brother for almost losing him, or even Damian.
It didn't take long at all for Conner to grow to trust and care about Damian, and he did a great deal. He was something he looked up to and admired. In his eyes, he could do no wrong. Conner believed he let him down hard and that feeling just hurt. It made him feel like this ticking bomb that when setting off it destroys everything in sight. Even the things and people that he cared for.
He wasn't his temper, his temper wasn't him. It was a part of him, but there were a lot more parts. Regardless it always seemed like it was that part that took the biggest toll. The CIA praised it and thought of Conner as the one they've been waiting for or something. But there were many times Conner hated it and wished he wasn't the way he is.
Continuing to stay back as the others entered the base again. He had been once again insulted by the others, scolded like hell by Baker, and Damian didn't even look at him. Conner simply sighed at it all and headed down the hall and over to his room. Unlocking the door and going in. Once inside he removed his pads and bullet-proof vest, reaching for a t-shirt on his bed and putting it on.
Sighing once again he heard the intercom go off and Jones calling for Conner to go up to her office. Rolling his eyes he hung back a moment before forcing himself to leave his room.
As the elevator dinged and opened its doors for the top floor. Conner took a deep breath and began down the long bright hallway. All the way to the very end where the large wooden door with the golden plaque. He slowly walked up to the door and bit his bottom lip as he raised his hand to knock on the door. 'Come in' Jones spoke out in a muffled voice. Swallowing hard he reached for the handle and opened the door.
He tried his best to avoid her at all costs after knowing her true intentions with him, so all of this was overwhelming, to say the least. She offered him to sit but Conner shook his head and stood to cross his arms in a more of a defensive manner. Keeping his eyes down to his combat boots.
"Well, well, some first mission there McAlister. Impressive work."
Conner whipped his head up and looked to her. That sick feeling crept back in his stomach. Furrowing his brows in confusion.
"I've never witnessed an agent fight that well on their first mission. But you left me speechless."
Blinking rapidly he had nothing else to even say. He was too stunned to try to speak. He went behind everyone's back and she was... praising him for it?!
Nothing that came out of that woman made any sense and it made Conner that much more annoyed. Opening his mouth he tried to say but only pushed out air. He couldn't believe what he was hearing, any other agent would probably be kicked out with no question. Or so he guessed or at least punished in /some/ way.
"Regardless, McAlister you still attacked your own and that is pretty frowned upon. I'm going to have to suspend you for three weeks. That means no training, no missions, and curfew is an hour earlier."
Conner looked back down a moment along with another sigh. Nodding as he looked back up and uncrossed his arms.
Was all he said in a quiet toned voice. After that, he was dismissed by Jones and he headed out of the office and to the elevator. However, he pressed the floor of the training room. Taking advantage of the quiet a moment he let himself reflect what went down that day.
It came to the conclusion that holding everything back only gave worse results. Conner pushed everything down so much that he burst out of the seams. Causing him to lose control and attack his own teammates.
Regardless of them are not the best people around. From day one they whispered, made fun of his height, and always targeted him. Not to mention Christina was seeming more and more like a lunatic. No one was really sure what she'd do if she got ahold of Conner and manipulated him, so he did all he could to avoid her like the plague.
That all seemed to be working until that very day. He let everything go haywire in him and he hurt people and let down his friend.
That's still what stroke him the hardest. Damian just meant a lot to Conner and the fact that he let him down was eating away at him. He had never seen him so angry or demanding like that, and all of it was directed at Conner. He messed up and once again like many different times before, let his anger get the better of him.
All of it weighed down hard on him and it started to get to him. Growing up, people always had high expectations toward Conner. Family, friends, teachers, coaches, everyone he met it seemed. They all saw him as an all-star that could amount to great things. The top athlete, the smartest in his class, an outgoing and outstanding lad.
With all of that pressure, he grew to hate to let people down. In his eyes he was good but his temper was evil, the very moment he let it all out he would disappoint everyone around him.
All of it made him forget that he was only human, he was only a kid barely twenty-one. He was scared too.
The elevator dinged and Conner exited and made it down the long hall to the training room. Everyone else was either asleep or in the infirmary so when he was down there it was just him. He looked around the empty room and went straight to one of the tables and flipped it right over.
After that, he went over to the gym and pushed open the heavy doors. There he looked around a moment before going over and grabbing one of the circular barbell weights. He spun around and flung it right across the room, having it crash into the wall.
Walking over to one of the heavy bags he grabbed padded gloves and strapped them on. Right before going head-on, on the thing. Forming the stance he'd always known from boxing and wailing at the thing. Starting out slow and lighter before gradually picking up speed. Throwing harder with each blow of his fists. Moving back he let his knee up at the bag a couple of times, right before diving back into throwing punches.
Going at it as fast and as hard as he could, all while letting his mind go about a mile a minute.
The more he replayed everything in his head, the more he became aggravated all over again. Grinding at his teeth he stopped punching and moved to lift the bag off the hook. Once he had it in his grip he shoved it off of him and onto the floor.
Crossing over to the barbell bench again he grabbed the pole and rushed right back to the bag. Lunging the metal pole right onto the object. Whacking it over and over, once gradually increasing his speed and strength.
The more he attacked the heavy bag he felt himself grind at his teeth. Lowly growling under his breath and starting to mumble out to himself, syncing his words with each hit.
'I'm not a jock. I'm no all-star, I am not a killing machine. I am Conner.'
His breathing picked up as he swung harder and harder to the bad. Repeating his first name out to himself.
"I'm Conner! Conner, Conner, Conner! I'm not a jock, a machine or a temper, I'm a fuckin' person!"
With that, he stood upright and threw the pole across the room and let it crash. After that, he ran right out of the room, through the training room, and not stopping until he reached his bedroom. Slamming the door behind himself and yelled out again.
"Why can't anyone see that I am a person, damnit!"
Saying as he went and kicked over his trash bin. Tossing his desk chair across the room and shoving everything off his desktop. Conner started to feel a sharp pain behind his eye and stopped.
Standing still in the middle of the room and holding his hand to his head. He let out a long-winded sigh and ran his hand down his face to his mouth. He slowly walked over to his bed and sat at the edge of it. Lowly groaning as he let the rest of the steam seeping out of him.
Breathing still rapidly, he slowly began to let himself breathe easier. Taking longer and deeper breaths as he sat on his bed. Leaning his elbow on his knee and holding onto his head again.
Holding everything in and trying to control it all wasn't working, nor was it the healthy thing to do. The end result ended up being much worse.
Conner moved back and let himself fall back on his bed. He grabbed his pillow and placed it over his face. Screaming as loud as he could into it, all until he felt his voice become hoarse. He slowly removed the pillow and set it aside. Staring up at the ceiling and sighing out roughly.
He was sure he was going to get in trouble for the mess he just left. But, he didn't care, no matter what they said. If they added on his suspension if they told him to no longer use the equipment if they made Baker beat the living crap out of him if the kicked him right out onto the streets. He simply did not care.
None of them saw him as himself, so they're opinions just didn't matter at all. The only one that did to him was Damian and Conner had let him down. So he convinced himself that he was better off gone anyway. Right then he didn't want to prove them otherwise like before. There was only one thing he wanted and that was to be treated and seen as himself. Rather than everything else and the expectations everyone built around him. He was knocking them all down and letting others down along the way.
He had run out of energy to do anything else so he stayed where he was on his bed. Not sure what the hell was to come the next morning. It was the CIA that could easily track the mess back to Conner. His fingerprints were for sure everywhere, so he already knew he was caught. But he wasn't running and wasn't /going/ to. Whatever happens, was just gonna happen.
His eyelids were starting to fall heavy, and soon enough Conner had managed to blow off all of his steam and knock himself out.