“What are you doing?” asked my father roughly.
“Scratching my Keratosis pilaris.” I shot back with equal ferocity. It was partially true. Keratosis pilaris is a skin condition that develops when the skin produces too much of a protein called keratin, which can block hair follicles and cause bumps to develop. I had lots of it. They’re usually too small to see until your eye is like, three inches away from them.
“What was that thump?”
“My knee gave out again on my way to the toilet.” My father squinted at me, slightly disbelieving. A little tidbit of information about me is that I can go from full-on weeping one moment to looking like my face got splashed with water. Most people’s faces turn red when they cry; mine doesn’t. So that definitely helped with the whole a-few-seconds-before-my-dad-popped-in-I-was-crying-up-an-ocean thing.
“Hurry up. I want to go back to bed.” my father growled.
It took every fiber of my being to refrain from retaliating with something like, “Well, there’s no one telling you to stay up until I’m back in bed. I'm not a baby. You’re useless and good for nothing anyway.” So I finished up and went in the opposite direction of my room.
“Where are you going?” My dad asked, following me.
“Just getting a few sleeping drugs.” I replied.
“Ok” came the reply, then I heard the master bedroom door close quietly.
“Dad?” I called out softly. “ you there?”
When no answer came, I grabbed the drugs out of the cupboard and tipped the opening into my hand roughly. At least ten came out. I tossed them into my mouth without further thought. Maybe, I mused, I can end my life in a different way. Maybe, I can just die peacefully in my sleep, or seem to anyway.
Those were me last thoughts as I drifted into a nearly unwakable slumber.
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