The Forbitten Flower

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My life dedicated to my doughter

Growing up and not knowing what to do not knowing how to cope becouse I was not thought just learning as I go . Having friends and choosing which part should I do right or not . When I was taken in foster care I got introduced to weed cutting class and everything. I had a room to my self with a big closet and was extra room.

I got to walk to school by my self . When I was giving freeedom I kind of took too much that I can handle but I knew how to keep safe from any trouble. I was always avoiding trouble . I got jumped in school a lot. Girls always thought I would steal their man but I didn’t even want to date any one I wanted to be different I hung out with the boys in class becouse I knew the girls were going to betray me becouse they did . I would dress really nice but not once lost my virginity in school . I was a straight A student studying even in rotc . Some guys liked me but they showed me they only wanted to smash . So I kept them at arms length .
But not even the grade A girl was perfect as a matter of fact none of us are . But when you have skills and people bring you down and hate it takes away your smile . It makes you hide your self from the world becouse u don’t seem the point to show your skills . Becouse either one girl going to jump you put gum in your hair or even a boy will pretend to like you becouse he’s popular and he wants the other girls watching to Lough at you .

I cried alone I have even stolen money from my dad just so I can get that gel from my hair so I could look nice. Or pretzel on Wednesday’s and Friday . Becouse I wanted to be cool and wanted to bond with everybody but noticed that even when I did this I didn’t fit in. I never understood the why until I got older. For some reason I was inclined to older men becouse of my dad issues I guess I was always looking for my dads love which I didn’t have. So older boys who lived with their moms was my shelter . I thought I was cool I didn’t have that many but I was always attracted to them. Almost got them in trouble with their jobs becouse of this . But not quiet I had to detach completely just like that . Like it never happened . I’m glad you guys are reading this as I write thank you for having my back.
Detaching from men was difficult it made me grow up to fast in life. It’s like a curse that happened since birth , but I kept pushing through. Giving my self hope everytime.

I realized no life experience of mine was fun . None what’s so ever. And it never bothered me I kept goi g I treated it like it was normal but I knew . I just had fun being free thinking it was . The older guys had my eye only one had my draws . It’s crazy becouse at one point when I was going to go this guy house like I used to like almost everyday after school. My dad comes out of the blue while I was in foster care out of no where and approached me I was stuck I was like Hugh what you not suppose to be here or near me he told me don’t call your foster mother I just want to talk . He said he got the address of we’re I was already from somewhere in foster care facility. No where is safe hunnies. No where I told him I was in a rush becouse she send me to the store . I wasn’t going to no store . I was going to get my man toy. But I didn’t have time to hear anything he had to say. How u introduce me to the Bible make me read the whole thing twice and act very abusive still go to church like he’s a god himself but keeps me isolated from playing with other kids. Pops up like the undertaker

Lies about s everything about having relatives making me use to it . Has me like a prisoner . Like some type of block that you can’t knock out. Introduces me to my aunt on a death bed. Who gives me some type of doll sitting on a high chair that looks like me what was that that gave me the spider sensation I didn’t even want to play with it. I trew it out . But it makes sense know that I think about it . We’re they trying to hide my emotion that o felt for the world . I sensed danger I smelled fire like a dog . I would warn my dad when I smelled fire right away. Like if it just started by the time they checked the whole hallway was covered in smoke.

I never understood that sensation and everytime there was fire I was on point .I never understood why it was difficult for my parents to take care of me when I was little they gave me up early he told me that they weren’t financially stable too but know that I think about it . There was so many programs there’s chelters their school there were welfare . They knew about a curse or they got warned of how I was and they were scared as hell to take care of me.

The reason I know becouse my doughter is just like me very difficult but I love her . She’s screams like me and she bonds well with me is amazing . It drives me nuts I run to her dad for help while he runs becouse he wants me to deal with my own demons.

Now that she is growing up to be a beautiful adult . I know what I have to do . I’m actually not scared about the boys or the girls with her becouse let’s face it I’m not letting her have daddy issues even though that knuckle head is acting like a doosh just to push my buttons to be a better person. So few for that . But I know the emotional issues are going to kick in and loud so I will stick through this. I thought she was like her dad but nope . She doesn’t let me tell her no like me . You tell me no I turned into the grinch and eww. So I’m channeling my inner self not it’s time for you to channel yours. Don’t be afraid don’t hold it in but use it with caution.
Becouse this world is bigger than me and you baby girl. So be careful but always be true to your self and don’t have secrets enjoy your life and smile no matter what Becouse I’m not always going to be there for you . No one is invincible not even me . I haven’t mastered the superpower yet and I don’t want it . But while I’m here I’ll go crazy with u and guide you even if your punk ass dad won’t.

Do t get emotional with no one that shit hurts. Love hurts it’s fun but it’s painful when u find the one. That shit make you want to kill them but u don’t becouse that’s your ride or die bitch . That nigga that copied your dad to make you face it who scream at you like a fucking idiot yup that nigga. And you’ll hated but he will get over it and become your frog champion . But be carefull becouse some will come dressed as gods nice and sweet . And u won’t know so listen to your gut yes mine jiggles. But it the right direction. Becouse ure dad is going to make sure of that so I’m not worried. That’s. How I knew he was going to be great dad . Becouse he don’t play . And I love it . So respect the stash, the mustache . One of his favorite shirt quotes.
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