Learning To Love Again

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Chapter 1

I woke up to a feeling that I knew too well the feeling of knowing something was going to happen the only thing that wasn’t determined was when something was going to happen. I was snapped out of my thoughts when my brother David asked me “Fairlee-Bree are you alright?”. I said I was fine and David had relief for some reason. My sister Anna-Grace stared at me for the fifth day In a row because she sensed something I guess. I went to school and later that day that feeling came back again and I knew something was going to change my life but what I didn’t know what changed my life was a knock on my third-grade classroom door. The sound is still fresh In my mind and It is more than eight years later. I heard a lot of knocks on a door since then but no Knock on the door changed my life like that one. The person at the door asked me to come with him and I listened. I was brought to a car and I saw Anna-Grace people thought by Anna-Grace being there I was safe but truthfully I wasn’t more safe with her. That day I learned what scared was and what separation was too and I never forgot.We went out to get food and my mind was calmed a bit then when we were brought to the office building my calm was being quickly replaced my fear and I covered up my fear. When me and Anna-Grace arrived at the office and I saw my brothers David and Lincoln. David saw me “Fairlee-Bree”.

I replied with a simple hello and David said “Hello Anna-Grace and Fairlee-Bree”.

Ever since I learned my name my sister thought because my name Is Fairlee I have to always be fair and ever since I heard her say that one hundred times I believed her and forced myself to be fair for Anna-Grace’s reasons and I let my siblings pick everything first even what drink we wanted I would drink what I was given I never picked because I didn’t want Anna-Grace to get mad at me and give me more attention. I liked being on the sidelines not on stage I was like the new actor that nobody knows what she’s capable of till she raises her voice and hides what she even has feelings or emotions and that’s what I did I never raised my voice but I raised my personality to fit in with my sibling. My siblings were loud and being the youngest I had to fit in the puzzle and that required changing myself to fit the space but I was too small for the space after all that effort trying to fit in but I didn’t fit I belonged to a different puzzle. My brother Lincoln was in the kitchen the next morning and he said to me “Good Morning Fairlee-Bree”.

Iwent to school that day still shocked by Lincoln saying good morning to me and I was In a bit of a funk that I couldn’t shake off and my friend Paisley noticed she asked me what was up and I said to her I can’t tell her In class because I don’t want to be heard by anyone else because this was a secret between me and paisley I didn’t want anyone else to know at the time. I told paisley and she asked if we could tell Kinsley our friend and I said yes because I wanted her to know where I’ve been yesterday not a man took me out of class and I returned the next day.I explained to Kinsley that the man at the door was nice to me and he got me food and we went to an office and I seen my siblings and then a few hours later was brought to a temporary home. Kinsley understood what I told her and paisley did too and I knew that they would accept me no matter what happened. I went back to the house that I was brought to the night before and I saw my parents there I was clueless on why but how could I complain now because the next time I see them isn’t determined yet and I probably wouldn’t know. I wouldn’t know because apparently eight was too young to be told anything about important information about when I was going to see or even talk to my parents. Three days after that I won’t ever forget that was the day I adjusted to where I was but I was still weird around my siblings because they were awkward around me and I was called my full first name awkwardly since then everyone called me Fairlee-Bree and wasn’t a huge deal because that was my first name after all. Anna-Grace changed because she called me my full first name and I called her Grace and she called me Fairlee-Bree and Lincoln was making fun of my given name. He said, “Your only fairlee Bree that’s it and I have to be the boss”.

David said to Lincoln not to say that and Lincoln listened and it gave me time to process this comment and I couldn’t Lincoln was not very nice and at this point, I knew Lincoln restarted all the progress that was my least proud moment in my life one of them at least. My siblings always have to restart my progress for some reason that is unknown to me it’s like every time I get over something they put it back right in front of me and that is the worst feeling ever because relief comes and my siblings put the feeling of nervousness back exactly where it was. This time, it was Lincoln was making fun of my name and what will be next. That’s when I realized that I was different than everyone else and my siblings aren’t going to stop till I know it for sure but I already know I’m different and they didn’t need to say it to me over and over again for me to know it because to their surprise I already know.

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