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Learning To Love Again

By Csmith All Rights Reserved ©

Adventure / Other

Chapter 4

Paige wasn’t good to us at all it was like we were animals in a cage that the cage was invisible and it felt like personality was halfway gone because I was silenced every time I made a sound. At the start I didn’t want to let my situation define me but my situation started to eat me alive and it quickly defined who I was and I was embarrassed in the beginning but I knew god would see me, though. Anna-Grace was getting quiet and me being the one that silenced first taught her what my secret was and I was too scared to tell her because we were in a concrete basement and I was clueless if I made a sound if it would amplify to where Paige and her husband Dylan was. The first few months were “normal” by normal I mean the same salad, The same side dish but we didn’t complain because I could not be given anything the next day we could be given nothing. The next few months came and went then it was time to go back to school and I was very nervous because I had to meet new friends that would call me out for being different on the spot because I was that weird new kid that came to this town not even four months ago and let her situation define her already but nobody called me out I just hid my differences and flaws. What I forgot was the bullies would be the ones to pick out my flaws one by one and make me feel exactly like my siblings made me feel and they didn’t because they were afraid so they didn’t. Not only were they afraid they knew I was at my lowest point and didn’t want to scar me anymore than I already am so I won’t break because they didn’t want me to break but they hated to see me scarred honestly but a few months ago they caused it but when they didn’t do it they saw that I was scarred but when they caused it my scars were invisible. My scars weren’t the kind visible by a stranger five feet away my scars were visible by people who really knew me my scars were the kind if you knew me very well they were visible in the way I talked and the way I interacted with people and I could see my scars but I wanted to hide them from my peers. School one day was weird I went to school with Anna-Grace and Lincoln and when me and Lincoln arrived home Anna-Grace wasn’t there.This was the moment Paige’s daughter Ara-belle was giving me a look of hate because she disliked me and I knew it because I was the one that was too afraid to show her personality to her mother that loved her but did she love me… No. Ara-belle was the same age as my sister and I thought that Anna-Grace’s place wouldn’t be filled quickly after but I was wrong not like people were filling applications or anything but Anna-Grace was replaced with a girl Lincoln’s age named ally and she was bigger than Lincoln. Ally forced me open but I wouldn’t let her open me so I gave her a fake personality and she bought it but I didn’t buy the words my siblings gave me on day one . I gave her a fake personality because I didn’t want to open up to the wrong person and screw everything up for Lincoln and I. At this point anything could get us grounded or got rid of by Paige and Dylan. Ally didn’t get this method at all and Lincoln could see the fear I had and pretended to be busy and ally believed his cover but did she believe the nine-year-old had insecurities…. No she didn’t she thought I was trying to be powerful but I believe that I seemed fake when I tried to hide myself because later in life I learned it set me free to find myself but I didn’t know earlier in life because I didn’t want to get abused for finding who I really was because Paige wanted that to always be a mystery till I was forced to find myself. I’I found it more difficult to fit in but when I met some friends they helped me defend myself when I was to insecure to fit in and I learned what friends are that day. The people I met asked me my name and I said “Fairlee-Bree”.

I expected for them to make fun of my name like Lincoln did but they never they were friends with me not forced like siblings and I actually had fun at school and outside of school I was the darkest I could ever be because I was always forced shut and what I didn’t know I would do that by myself and regret it every single time. Before I knew it we were told we were going home and Lincoln went off his head but I just acted like I was glad but how could I my parents don’t know me at all and my siblings can bring me down in five seconds and I didn’t need that at all because I was trying to recover from Paige’s ways and I found it hard to and Lincoln let it all go the second we left and I almost said to him “Lincoln the world can change in a heartbeat don’t be that happy yet because this could all be a cruel joke a bad cruel joke”. Lincoln would probably make me feel lower again and make an excuse when he was questioned and me being the youngest the blame being shined away from me. That school year finished and the summer went very quick as usual for summer vacation and a new year of school began and the feeling of something was going to happen and I trusted my feeling this time, not like last time we were taken away. The feeling that I always had when something was going to happen good or bad this time I was hoping that the thing that was something good but in the back of my mind I knew it was going to be bad because my family always has bad luck and if we ever had good luck all of this would be a whole lot different because it was always bad luck for my family and if it was good luck it would be a dream a very good one. But in the back of my mind, I still knew the feeling and didn’t ever let anyone know I had a feeling like that in the back of my mind because they would convince me that I was making it up or Anna-Grace told me to look like I felt that.

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