Learning To Love Again

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Chapter 7

The meeting went better than I expected because it was the first time I told anyone about anything that paige did to me and I was scared out of my mind because I thought the social worker was going to tell paige what me and Lincoln told her. I trusted her and when we arrived back at the house paige asked us what the social worker said to us and Lincoln started and I finished we kept around twenty-five percent of the conversation from her but In the back of my mind I don’t think the social worker told Paige that part of the conversation and I was worrying if Lincoln would tell under pressure but because he never showed he had anything he didn’t want to say out loud. Lincoln and I were quiet about this subject because why would we want the person that hurt us to find out that we confessed that she hurt us because Paige would feel like she didn’t hurt us enough and would feel like she needed to hurt us more till we were afraid to say anything. Me, Lincoln and Cole knew how to show this feeling very easily so it made us give Paige the feeling that she hurt enough but in reality, we were scared to get hurt and make noise that would give her the satisfaction she wants.I found that getting that one thing off my chest was the best decision I’ve ever made because if I never confessed that I was being hurt by my foster mother nobody would have known and I don’t know where I would be today to be completely honest. I realized that telling someone that my “Foster Mom” hurt me changed my perspective but in a good way and know it’s confusing but someone hurting me and me keeping it inside was starting to eat me alive so when I told someone about the thing that was eating me alive it stopped eating me alive because it was gone and the feeling of normal was coming back to me. Lincoln began to get less emotional to my parents around this time but he was still showing emotion but not as much as he was before I told the social worker that I was being hurt by Paige. I think he was trying to hide my emotions from my parents I guess he was trying to save me and I guess he did in the long run but he also created a reputation for himself what I didn’t do. I didn’t create a reputation early as he did but being the youngest child I had a reputation already put on me like a hand me down that I didn’t have the choice have or not and the other children before me being happy to not have the reputation anymore then me trying my best to handle my automatic reputation and the way my biological family look at me. Being a foster child I have many different experiences and been in different situations and almost all of them changed me in a way and each way was different. When I say a different way I don’t mean a different emotions I mean each situation taught me a different lesson and when I was eight years old I developed a method on how not get in trouble for no reason and the method has a seventy-five percent rate but it saved cole from a few hits but the method never saved him from a day without any hits or bruises and this was the thing keeping me from getting all the way back up after I got hit by Paige by I mean getting up I don’t mean she hit us till we fell but when someone hits you it’s like your more down than you could ever be and you having to pick yourself up and keep going is nearly impossible but you know if you don’t pick yourself back up you had a chance of being hit again maybe a bit harder but I never Picked myself up one hundred percent but I picked myself up about eighty percent and the other twenty percent was lost when I saw cole or the innocent children that Paige hurt and scarred for life. I remember the foster children I met in the last almost three years and every person changed me in a different way. Around this time I was getting more closer with Cole then Lincoln was. Cole and Lincoln shared a room and I thought they would have a natural bond but I guess I was wrong because Lincoln almost hated Cole but I was the complete opposite of Lincoln and he knew it and wanted to hold me to it but I let him seem like he was but he wasn’t holding me to anything but his opinion.

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