Anger in me

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Laughing because of fighting

It’s been a month since my mom came visit. She didn’t came here after our fight. I hoped that she would forgive me and came here and told me that she knew it that I didn’t mean it. But that didn’t happened.

Because of Beck I felt better but it still hurts, I will never forgive myself what I did but it’s her fault too. Who I’m even kidding, of course is all my fault, she only wanted good for me, right? I don’t even know anymore, maybe she just wanted to get rid of me and she waited till I do something stupid and she could blamed me. But why would she do something like this? I know that I’m not a good daughter but she isn’t the best mother either.

This is making me go crazy, now I’m even talking to myself.

But the good part in this is that me and Beck become closer. I found out that she has younger sister Angie, she is 2 years younger than her. She also has an older brother Thomas. He is one year older than her.

We talked about our familys but when I asked her about her parents her face looked broken, in pain. I told her that if she doesn’t want to tell me it’s okey. I know how that topic can hurt. She was okey with it and she told me.

“My dad is the most amazing person I know. I don’t deserve him. He raised all three of us. My mom died while she give birth to Angie. He was hurt so much but he didn’t show it because he wanted to be strong for us. I was only 2 and Thomas was 3, Angie was only a newborn baby who will never knew her mother. I don’t remember her that’s the most hard thing. I only know how she looked like. Our father needed to raised us alone but he did pretty good job if you aske me.” I saw her pain when she talked about her mother but she tried to hid it whit a smile. “Beck I’m sorry what happened to your mother and that you didn’t have opportunity to have mother in your life but your dad did a great job raising you.” Before she could said anything back I pulled her in a big hug. When she hugged me back I felt tears coming from her face on my shirt. It didn’t bother me. I pressed her head into my chest that she could lay on me. We were on my bed and few minutes later she was asleep on my chest. It felt good that she trusted me enough, that she feel asleep on me.

~

“What happened?, What time is it?” Beck started asking when she woke up. She was still laying on my chest and we were laying together cuddling. “Oh, wait I’m gonna look...OH SHIT it’s 8.20. Class started 20 minutes ago, we need to hurry up.” “OH SHIT!”

We headed to the class. “Oh, thank you god. It’s Mary” I whispered to Beck. “Oh, thank god, she loves us. Then is not problem that we were late because if it were anyone else we were needed to run 20 more milles at PE.” “Yes that was luck.” We sat down and started to listen to class. Of course not much but we listened.

Class ended. “Michaela and Beck come here we need to talk.” Mary called us. “Oh, shit.” I said to myself. “Yes Mary?” We said innocent at the same time. “Why were you late? And don’t lie.” “Okay we will not lie. Maybe just maybe we fell asleep.” I answered. “Oh okay but let it not happened again.” She was nice. “Of course Mary.” We smiled.

“Guess what?” I said happily to Beck. “Yea, I know Mich. We have PE now and we will shoot.” “How can you guess every time I say that?” I was confused. “Because every time you say that it’s the same answer.” “Ov, really?” “Yea every fucking time.” now she look annoyed. So I wanted to make her smile. “Language miss!” I said and after a second we both started laughing our asses of.

~

I hited every target perfectly in the middle. When I did it all people who were watching were impressed. “Wow Mich you became very good in a past month” my teacher said to me proudly. “Thank you Coach. I been practicing.” I said with a smile. “Can be seen.” He told me with a smile.

“Yea you were practicing when you couldn’t control your anger.” Beck said and I just rolled my eyes at her. “Don’t say that it isn’t true because you know it is” “Yeah I know but that isn’t my problem that I can’t control it.” Of course it is my problem but I will never admitted because if I do she will throw it at me all the time. “Of course it is who elses could it b be? Mine?” “Okay, okay it is my problem just shut up.” Shit, I just said that didn’t I? “You see is not that hard to admit what you did wrong, right?” Beck look annoyed. “First of all yes it is and second of all, don’t look at me like that, because you know that I hate it when you do that.” She just rolled her eyes at me. Oh she did not just do that. She will pay for that.

“Did you just rolled your eyes at me?” I said playfully angry. “Yes I did, and what your gonna do about it?” She did not challeng me. “You will wish that you would never said that.” “Mhhm.” She said at me annoyed.

A second later she was already on the floor when I grabbed her hand and I threw her over my back when she fell on the floor. She murmurs in pain. Somebody will think; “Omg what happened why did she hurt her, or some bullshit but that’s our way how we make fun of each other.” Sometimes we just hurt each other for fun. I know that you may think; “Wtf is wrong with you two.” But some friends show their love to each other with hand shakes or some sweet stuff but we did on our own way. Unique way.

“Shit!” Beck grabbed my hand throw me on the floor when she stood up. I totally forgot because I was day dreaming. “Pay back!” Beck said playfully. “You little piece of shit!” I screamed at her. “Oh no, you hurted my feelings.” She was sarcastic. “I didn’t know you had any. I’m shocked.” She rolled her eyes at me. But then we both fell into laughter.

While we both were on the ground laughing other people started at us confusing. “Shit we totally forgot that we were in the middle of class...again.” “Yeah we totally did that again.” We finally stood up in shame. But this didn’t last long until we started to laugh again.

“Okay people, go training.” Coach started to yell. “You two are so weird. But in between us, that’s why you two are my favorite.” He said with a smile. “We love you too coach.” We smiled. “Ok go now training.” “Yes coach.”

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