Made in Wonderland: Three years so far

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Most probably I was so absorbed by daily miseries and surrounding anxiety that I totally forgot about the purpose of my being here. Time waits for no one, it is a well-known fact and somehow I managed to put it aside before it has stricken back. During my story I said several times that I did not understand what we were doing here and how did we get in this place, and why exactly we got here, etc. I was eager to grasp the main reason of our dwelling alive after our death. We did not perish throughout these tough three years of studying, mental and sometimes physical tortures. But, how finally it came out in the end?

Somebody even did not manage to blink or snap fingers when he or she realized that we stood somewhere, definitely not in the University. We stood in the gowns and caps with funny tassels. I felt myself like I have been participating in a magic show for three years and I woke up particularly in the very beginning of the main act. I was among the first row and I could witness the prestige of this performance. All these years (at least I) were looking for the secret, but most probably I was not really looking and I was not precise and tenacious. Yet, I was not ready to clap, because making something appear or disappear it is not enough, you have to bring it back. And like you, I, already understood this act of bringing it back, be it time, memories, things, etc. it is the hardest part of all.

And again, I heard more than familiar ringing sound that pervaded the whole scope of our already not so deadly realm. It was accompanied with the appearance of my mates and friends and all the rest people whom I as if knew but never got in touch with. Yes, they understood the same idea that stuck in my head. They knew that it was the last arrêt of our journey, but still they did not know where it will lead them in the end. What to say? I was confused myself. I did not experience tumult or overwhelming stress. Nevertheless, I could not get rid of the feeling that I have still some things to accomplish in the future. But how and again in what way I was going to embody it I scarcely knew.

So here we were – happy, full of energy and exceeding delight students. Each of us could be proud of him or her. We were only 96. Only 96 people, who endured this afterlife studies and now, we're standing here, on the stairs above all the rest, who in their turn have been creeping somewhere below. Still, one more thing did not leave me in peace. Our sleeping stone giant who became our alma-mater, eventually changed. I am not speaking about tiny and minor alterations. Now, for the first time it changed completely till the very foundation. I could not see it in its full size, but what I saw was more than enough to realize that finally, luckily or by mischance to something very odd. I will come back to this thought.

What I did not mention? We were happy, not knowing what awaited us. We endured these years. My friends and mates did not vanish and I was glad to be part of their story as much as they succeeded to incorporate my second life. Oh, I remembered one more thing. Did you manage to grasp the time?

In this connection I want to speak about time and its deeds. Time is an inevitable thing and we cannot escape imminent outcome – change. Instead of some poor experimental animal on the table I would like to place my own experience. Yes, perhaps it is not the appropriate substitution of something material with the abstract, but it is all what I can offer.

My three years at the University were not a mere life experience, but they were the greatest and substantial supplements to my personality. During these years I upgraded myself. I evolved physically, spiritually in all ironical and direct meanings and I became stronger and here I mean volition. If every action that we perform is supposed to create one more dimension, then each step that we make, each word, thought, movement or deed construct one more step of our evolution and make us closer to perfection. Regardless that we all know that there is not limit for perfection, so you can be satisfied, you will never be perfect, but you will always develop new qualities and abilities in yourself, you will improve yourself and this improvement will be permanent.

Back to our dear University. I suppose that it was alive and lived through everything with us. When we succeeded at something and everything was alright, the University did not change, on the other hand, it became less transparent, vivid and solid. When we failed at something or simply felt not willing to continue our journey, University with all its capabilities demonstrated to us that if we stop, then He will cease to exist and will turn into ruins. Occasionally it almost happened. I am still curious what could happen if it fell, but I am glad also that it was not me who beheld such event. Not when I was in charge.

Time and shift are two inseparable matters. They interact with one another and cannot be substituted with something else. All genial is simple. Without time there is no further alteration possible, if there are changes, but they are not maintained by the time it means that one component is stuck somewhere and again further evolution will not be feasible. If we want change in, no matter what aspect of our lives, we need time to accomplish it. Time by itself is nothing more than a certain period and if it is not complimented with additional details it will be just a raw material in the unlimited scope of perpetuity.

I came back from my flashback to reality and found myself in the middle of the hall among my mates. On the scene in front of me, I saw our Grand Master and some of the tutors, others lecturers were sitting on the right. I could say that atmosphere was solemn, as we had some kind of very grandiose ceremony. One thing that I lacked was a triumphant music and also I wanted to be spotted by the lights when receiving my ticket for the next journey, my olive branch of freedom. Immediately, as it used to happen all the time, the hall was filled with sacramental music and all people who were situated on the two floors rose up. We, in our turn did the same, but I saw a slight note of uncertainty on the faces. The music gradually ceased, people sat back, our Grand Master arose and uttered words of greeting, we applauded, sat back again, we were waiting impatiently what will happen with the scene and with us including. After several hours, I suppose, of exhausting speeches I finally realized what it was all about...

I thought that our ceremony was not something uncommon. A group of people who were called out went on the stage, stood in the line, went in front of the stage, shook hands with GM, received their documents and went back to stand in the line. In this connection I would like to mention the assembly line that had its place in this story several pages ago.

My limbs were trembling from the nerves that overwhelmed my body and as I remarked, successfully spread among my mates. Now it was our time to sparkle on the scene before the unknown quantity of spectators. With shaking legs I ascended the scene, took my place in the second row and, blinded by the lights endeavoured to observe people who gathered here. I saw how my mates went there one by one, reminiscently smiling and overflowed with glee. Definitely, I was exceedingly happy for them, since throughout all these years they became the substantial parts of my afterlife. But, there was one event that proceeded the receipt of the documents. It was ringing. And when it rang, I saw nobody, but only my mates. It seemed as we were left alone in this unlimited and hollow scope. We were in the hall, on the scene, lights were turned on, and everything was the same, only all the spectators and participants disappeared somewhere. I noticed how on their way back my mates looked at me and with each step their lineaments became more and more transparent. The last thing that perhaps they managed to express was a mild smile. This smile did not carry hypocrisy or arrogance. Finally, I saw a sincere manifestation of emotions. ''Thank you'' or ''Thanks. See you!'', these were the words which managed to slip out through their lips. After these words their lucidity reached its top and I have not seen them again. I knew that I will be the last one in this line of people who will vanish. Perhaps I wanted to tell them more, I wanted to thank them too or to arrange a meeting afterwards, but I was deprived of such possibility. Weeping inside myself, I came in the center, shook hands, received my documents and beheld absolutely empty place with a frozen time. All these years I have been striving for my place here and now what? I am going to vanish as all my mates did before me. So many words were still untold and so many deeds were waiting, but not this time. I was happy, really. I felt that I attained one top, but one more, more sublime was expecting me.

I saw my clarity and all around was so bright that I had to close my eyes tight and utter ''Thank you!''. So trivial phrase, yet somehow it was all I was capable of. Suddenly I felt that I am integral, I could feel blowing of the air and my limbs. I opened my eyes and appeared on the similar crossroad with a road sign. ''Really, I have got to make one more choice?'' Strange, but now I knew that I was alive. Most probably I have received one more chance to be what I have not been, to fix something, to act and embody what I regretted before. I took my confidence with myself, chose my path and marched on. New emotions, new trials, new friends, new quarrels, new obstacles and miseries, new confrontation, new places, new possibilities, new doubts, new regrets, new scopes, new limits and new breaching of abutments, new ideas and wishes, new strikes, new ups and downs, new dreams, new times, new values perhaps, renewed standpoint, new judgements, new fears and perils and new summits to reach.

New life.


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