DIARY OF MEMORY
I had a terrible and exhaustive night, thus when I woke up I felt like I was trampled by some huge animal or squeezed out by pressing. I didn't have any schedule or command what to do so that I decided to find a remote corner somewhere on the border of the sunny side and shadow with the purpose to philosophize. Luckily, it was not hard to accomplish. When I found a perfect and suitable place I lay down with one leg bent at the knee, with a hand on it, with my back against a tree.
I suppose that almost each person was thinking about his or her contribution to the life, society, family, maybe about his or her legacy even. So, I was not an exception in that case. I have remembered every detail from my childhood, as much as I could recollect. How and where I grew up, who was the very first person I saw, what was my first conscious action and what punishment proceeded after. Alright, but these are trivial things, besides no one cares about me even, who would listen and absorb this nonsense? I had a great life, despite my young age. Oh yes, I forgot to mention my age, sorry for that. I am 22 years old. Not enough for the philosopher, but still it is sufficient for apprentice of life's philosophy. So, back to my substantial day. Occasionally I have dived into abstract matters that simultaneously mingle in our lives. That day I was thinking about death, what now sounds rather ironically. Think yourself; let's try to modulate a situation in what we will die, not in general, but tomorrow. Because due to natural laws, unfortunately or luckily we will die in that or another day. Let's think about all that we will not accomplish and will not achieve in our lives. Do grief and sorrow fill you over? Endeavour to apprehend the fact that tomorrow will not come, what then? What would you do then? There are so many mistakes, quarrels, unsolved problems and miseries around. Sure, there are a lot of good and kind things which surround you; life is not so hollow and dimmed. How will you act? What will you shout out? In the end, you're simply a tiny drop in the sea and a particle of the atom's size in the space, you are nothing, there's no trace of you, you're not significant neither you are valued in the society, since each person is conceited and deceitful. How do you feel? Most probably you feel exasperation and indignity. Well, as everybody around, I do not care. You can claim that you are an indefeasible part of society and you complete it, that you are in the centre of admiration at work and your couple loves you. Whatever - you did not astonish me, it is predictable. I will try to enlighten you.
Nobody is afraid of death. It is distasteful to imagine the possible picture of death itself. And that is not the tall and thin silhouette in the black gown with a scythe. People are afraid of their own imagination. But don't forget that imagination is the only weapon against reality. Apparently, it is awful to imagine how, when and under what circumstances you will die and what consequences will follow. Even all great writers, composers, scientists, philosophers, strategists, etc. in general all of them were memorized in the history, people quote them, invent new approaches and theories, use their systems, but still the only existing thing is a memory and all these people received what they deserved, just posthumously.
Nowadays we are crazy about the celebrities, sports teams, models, musicians, players, fighters. They will not be forgotten, but what about you? Ask yourself, ''What have I achieved by current time?'', defined in the worldwide scope. Your efforts will be literally annihilated. The most paradoxical thing is, that in spite of this fact, you have to strive and make a breakthrough. It will be so only if you persuade yourself that you want to be worthy.
My ''highbrow matters'' were interrupted by a weak song of a ringing that I heard, as if it was placed deep inside my head with the purpose to shake me and wake me up when it was necessary. I got up and, reluctantly went towards my new alma-mater. I met already familiar faces and somebody even recognized me, what was indicated by a nod and a slight smile. I found my schedule that was located under the sign ''Spirited Away'', i.e. freshmen. It was my time to brave new world. Everything resembled a huge bowl, where all ingredients are blended in one. ''Again, even here there is no possibility to realize yourself as a personality'', struck me suddenly. My lecture was on the 4th floor of this never-ending complex. ''D 450'' was the number of an auditory. I didn't wait for an elevator, instead I climbed up the stairs, therefore I had several minutes to think over today's morning.
This place, whatever how hollow and artificial it was, endowed me with hope for the better future. Future. Only here I felt how the sun's rays blind me and how the raindrops wet my sleeves. I was stopped by a wooden door, ''D450''. I pulled a handle and vanished from the corridor.