My adventure to Norfolk
I don’t know how it is with you, but during February my wife generally says to me: ‘Have
again. So I got up and looked out of the window. It had left off snowing, and there was a glare
to let.
It said: ‘Norfolk2
my dinner, and then departed for the night.
the place to see what it was really like. He wrote back and said: ‘Certainly,’ and that he was
have noticed it at all, only it didn’t go straight by; it seemed to stop farther up the road, before it got
very er obstinate. While I dined, she talked to me. She would tell me all about an operation her
come home my wife counts the bruises and decides whether they will do or not.
I said:
husband had just had.All about it. It was almost a lecture on surgery. The steak was rather
you thought at all about what we are going to do for August?’ And, of course, I say, ‘No,’ and then
come down. They always do.’ As a matter of fact, they always don’t, but that’s a detail.
Selston – had cleared out. It was the sound of a car. If it had gone straight by I probably shouldn’t
snowing quite so hard. The garage stood about fifteen yards from the back door. I walked round it,
why people ever wanted to go to the North Pole.
lighted a fire, and cooked me a steak, for which I was truly thankful.
I explored the bungalow and just had a look outside. It was, of course, very dark, but not
At a few minutes to eleven I heard the first noise there’d been since Mrs. What’shername
I somehow think the cow, or whatever they get steaks off, had only died that morning. It was
my gate. The light was rather blinding, but when I got close to it I found a girl with the bonnet open,
‘Er good evening anything I can do.’
the rest of it – Oh – and plate and linen. It also mentioned an exorbitant rent. I pointed out the bit
Anyhow, I went indoors, and settled down by the fire. You’ve no idea how quiet it was; even
Anyway, I wrote off to the landlord and asked if he could arrange for me to stay the night in
Well, this happened last year, as usual, and she eventually produced one that looked possible.
about the rent, but my wife said: ‘Yes, you’ll have to go down and see the landlord, and get him to
At any rate, I arrived, in a blinding snowstorm, at aboutthe most desolate spot on God’s
earth. I’d come to Potter Heigham by train, and been driven on (it was a good five miles from the
the waterfowl had taken a night off at least, they weren’t working.
might as well stroll out and investigate.
It must have been five or ten minutes before it was borne in on me that it hadn’t gone on
place looked as though it might be all right in the summertime, but just then it made one wonder
to the house. Even that didn’t make much impression. After all, cars do stop.
underdone, and it sort of made me feel I was illustrating her lecture. Anyway, she put me clean off
but didn’t go in. I also went down to the edge of the broad, and verified the boathouse. The whole
station). Fortunately, Mrs. Selston, the old lady who was going to ‘do’ for me, was there, and she’d
through the gate that showed that there were headlamps somewhere just out of sight. I thought I
so muffled up in furs that it was rather hard to tell.
engaging Mrs. So-and-So to come in and ‘oblige me,’ and make up the beds and so forth.
I found a fair-sized limousine pulled up in the middle of the road about twenty yards short of
I tell you, we do things thoroughly – in our family – I have to sleep in all the beds, and when I
tinkering with the engine. Quite an attractive young female, from what one could see, but she was
Hickling Broad Furnished Bungalow Garden Garage, Boathouse,’ and all
she begins looking through the advertisements of bungalows1
She said she didn’t know what was the matter. The engine had just stopped, and wouldn’t start again. And it had ! It wouldn’t even turn, either with the self-starter or the handle. The whole
again. So I got up and looked out of the window. It had left off snowing, and there was a glare
to let.
It said: ‘Norfolk2
my dinner, and then departed for the night.
the place to see what it was really like. He wrote back and said: ‘Certainly,’ and that he was
have noticed it at all, only it didn’t go straight by; it seemed to stop farther up the road, before it got
very er obstinate. While I dined, she talked to me. She would tell me all about an operation her
come home my wife counts the bruises and decides whether they will do or not.
I said:
husband had just had.All about it. It was almost a lecture on surgery. The steak was rather
you thought at all about what we are going to do for August?’ And, of course, I say, ‘No,’ and then
come down. They always do.’ As a matter of fact, they always don’t, but that’s a detail.
Selston – had cleared out. It was the sound of a car. If it had gone straight by I probably shouldn’t
snowing quite so hard. The garage stood about fifteen yards from the back door. I walked round it,
why people ever wanted to go to the North Pole.
lighted a fire, and cooked me a steak, for which I was truly thankful.
I explored the bungalow and just had a look outside. It was, of course, very dark, but not
At a few minutes to eleven I heard the first noise there’d been since Mrs. What’shername
I somehow think the cow, or whatever they get steaks off, had only died that morning. It was
my gate. The light was rather blinding, but when I got close to it I found a girl with the bonnet open,
‘Er good evening anything I can do.’
the rest of it – Oh – and plate and linen. It also mentioned an exorbitant rent. I pointed out the bit
Anyhow, I went indoors, and settled down by the fire. You’ve no idea how quiet it was; even
Anyway, I wrote off to the landlord and asked if he could arrange for me to stay the night in
Well, this happened last year, as usual, and she eventually produced one that looked possible.
about the rent, but my wife said: ‘Yes, you’ll have to go down and see the landlord, and get him to
At any rate, I arrived, in a blinding snowstorm, at aboutthe most desolate spot on God’s
earth. I’d come to Potter Heigham by train, and been driven on (it was a good five miles from the
the waterfowl had taken a night off at least, they weren’t working.
might as well stroll out and investigate.
It must have been five or ten minutes before it was borne in on me that it hadn’t gone on
place looked as though it might be all right in the summertime, but just then it made one wonder
to the house. Even that didn’t make much impression. After all, cars do stop.
underdone, and it sort of made me feel I was illustrating her lecture. Anyway, she put me clean off
but didn’t go in. I also went down to the edge of the broad, and verified the boathouse. The whole
station). Fortunately, Mrs. Selston, the old lady who was going to ‘do’ for me, was there, and she’d
through the gate that showed that there were headlamps somewhere just out of sight. I thought I
so muffled up in furs that it was rather hard to tell.
engaging Mrs. So-and-So to come in and ‘oblige me,’ and make up the beds and so forth.
I found a fair-sized limousine pulled up in the middle of the road about twenty yards short of
I tell you, we do things thoroughly – in our family – I have to sleep in all the beds, and when I
tinkering with the engine. Quite an attractive young female, from what one could see, but she was
Hickling Broad Furnished Bungalow Garden Garage, Boathouse,’ and all
she begins looking through the advertisements of bungalows1
She said she didn’t know what was the matter. The engine had just stopped, and wouldn’t start again. And it had ! It wouldn’t even turn, either with the self-starter or the handle. The whole
I said:
I told her so. She said:
you can see a terrific distance.
driving with the radiator bone dry and that her engine had seized right up.
One would have expected her to show some relief, but she didn’t. I began to wonder what she
I explained that it wasn’t as bad as all that; that is, if she cared to accept the hospitality of my
I said:
tablespoonful that went in came straight out again, red hot, and blew the ‘funeral’ sky-high. We
and there had been a seized engine to look at. Er – I’m afraid that’s not a very gallant remark. What
didn’t know the – er – circumstances, so it wasn’t that. No, she wanted to leave the car where it was
cans.’
sent for next day, and the lorry was to take her along to Norwich.
we’d better put some in, and see what happened. She said, why not use snow? But I thought not.
‘There’s the way out of all your troubles. This thing, whatever it is, will give you a tow to the
poor roof (and it was a poor roof it let the wet in). But she wouldn’t hear of it. By the by, she
anxious for anyone to help her to go anywhere else.
‘I’m sure I don’t know, being a stranger in these parts, but it sounds like a lorry full of milk
and I ran the car in and locked the door. This having been done – (ablative absolute) – I suggested
Well, I managed to find the key of the garage, and the lorry-driver – Williams, his name was –
There was an idea at the back of my mind that there was some reason why it was unwise to use
to pay, too, because it was a lorry full of milk cans. The driver had to pull up because there wasn’t
I offered to lay her sixpence about it (this was before the betting-tax came in). She’d have had
I said:
She was quite peculiar about it. She gripped hold of my arm, and said:
He got down and asked if there was anything he could do to help. We explained the situation.
‘Don’t be silly, it’s miles to anywhere.’
water in it simply ran out again into the road underneath. It was quite evident that she’d been
, and was quite ready to give her a tow if she wanted it. However,
that it was a very cold night. Williams agreed, and said he didn’t mind if he did. So I took them both
indoors and mixed them a stiff whisky and water each. There wasn’t any soda. And, naturally, the
melted snow, and it wasn’t until I arrived back with a bucketful that I remembered what it was. Of
We could see its lights, too, although it was a very long way off. You know how flat Norfolk is –
jolly welldid want. She wouldn’t let me help her to stop where she was, and she didn’t seem
Up to now I hadn’t seriously considered the young woman. For one thing it had been dark,
she wouldn’t do that, and it was finally decided to shove her car into my garage for the night, to be
whole thing had left me very cold, too. I hadn’t an overcoat on.
‘Does that mean I’ve got to stop here all night?’
mine calls a ‘funeral.’ We poured a little water in…. Luckily I’d warned her to stand clear. The first
When I got back to her she’d got the radiator cap off, and inserted what a Danish friend of
and go on on foot.
nearest garage, or at any rate a lift to some hotel.’
‘What do you think this is that’s coming?’
why there shouldn’t be, there always had been. This didn’t strike me as entirely conclusive. I said,
waited a few minutes until things had cooled down a bit, but it was no go. As fast as we poured
However, at that moment we heard a car coming along the road, the same way as she’d come.
thing was awfully hot, and I asked her whether there was any water in the radiator. She didn’t see
He said he was going to Norwich1
room to get by.
course goitre.
I mean is that to anyone with a mechanical mind a motor-car in that condition is much more interesting than er well, itis very interesting but why labour the point? However, in the
found it was a man a dead man with a moustache. He’d evidently been sitting propped up
individual. He must have been well over six feet three. He was dark and very cadaverous-looking.
question the workings of Providence, but one couldn’t help wishing it hadn’t happened. It was just a
After a lot of grovelling about under the car I found the candle and lighted it, and opened the
little mysterious, too er who had killed him. It wasn’t likely that the girl had or she wouldn’t
In fact, I don’t suppose he’d ever looked so cadaverous in his life. He was wearing a trench coat.
go and have a look at things by daylight, and before Mrs. Selston turned up. So I did. The first
It also knocked the candle out of my hand and left me in the dark – which was a bit of a nuisance. I
have been joy-riding about the country with him; and if someone else had murdered him why hadn’t
It wasn’t difficult to tell what he’d died of. He’d been shot through the back. I found the hole
taken the car away, or else I’d fallen asleep in front of the fire and dreamt the whole thing.
foolish, too, as he was going to drive, but that was her funnel. When he’d gone out to start up his
note-case, with nine pounds in it. Altogether a most unpleasant business. Of course, it doesn’t do to
And the way she hurried the wretched Williams over his drink was quite distressing; and
inside and – something – fell out on me. It pushed me quite hard, and wedged me against the wall.
another look at the car. So I once more unhooked the key from the kitchen dresser and sallied forth
just under the right scrofula, or scalpel – what is shoulder-blade, anyway? Oh, clavicle – stupid of
against the door. I managed to put him back, as decorously as possible, and shut the door again.
wondered what on earth the thing was barging into me like that so I felt it, rather gingerly, and
‘evidently,’ and leave it at that.
The engine I’d already seen, so I squeezed past along the wall and opened the door in the
There were no papers in his pockets, and no tailor’s name on his clothes, but there was a
Next morning I woke early, for some reason or other, and it occurred to me as a good idea to
being. No telephone, of course. I just locked up the garage and went to bed. That was two o’clock.
careful with her English. You know. But that wasn’t it. She treated us with a lack of friendliness
suspicion, which seemed rather hard lines, considering. Also, she was so anxious to keep in the
sittingroom, in the lamplight, it was possible to get more of an idea. She was a little older than I’d
garage, and the car nearly filled it. By the by, we’d backed it in so as to make it easier to tow it out
which was well, we’d done nothing to deserve it. There was a sort of vague hostility and
shadow that if I hadn’t moved the lamp away she’d never have got near the fire at all.
Of course, I had to make some sort of examination. He was an extremely tall and thin
me well, that’s where it was, and the bullet had evidently gone through into the lung. I say
into the snow. It was as black as pitch, and so still that my candle hardly flickered. It wasn’t a large
and couldn’t help wondering where the girl in the car had come from; I mean my road seemed so
the floor where I’d dropped the candle, otherwise there was nothing to show I’d been there before.
engine I asked her if she was all right for money, and she apparently was. Then they started off, and
There happened to be a local guide-book in my bedroom, with maps in it. I looked at these
thought, and her eyes were too close together.
in. The place was completely empty. No car, no body, no nothing. There was a patch of grease on
very unimportant. The sort of road one might use if one wanted to avoid people. If one were driving
opposite door and switched on the little lamp in the roof – and then – oo-er!
thing that struck me was that it had snowed heavily during the night, because there were no wheel
Of course, she wasn’t a – how shall I put it? Her manners weren’t quite easy and she was
a stolen car, for instance. This was quite a thrilling idea. I thought it might be worth while having
she mentioned it? Anyway, she hadn’t and she’d gone, so one couldn’t do anything for the time
tracks or footprints, and the second was that I’d left the key in the garage door. I opened it and went
I shut up the place and went upstairs.
body part of the car. At least, I only turned the handle, and the door was pushed open from the
again.
One of two things must have happened: either some people had come along during the night and
Then I remembered the whisky glasses.They should still be in the sitting-room. I went back to look, and they were, all three of them.
over it.
old biscuit-box out of the larder.
papers. They knew the girl all right. They told me her name and showed me her photograph; not
time twice for shop-lifting, chiefly in the book department. Then she’d what they call ‘taken up
for Norwich in a lorry. Only she never got there. On the way the lorry had skidded, and both she
out the drink for her, but hers, her finger-marks, were clean, and mine were oily, so it was quite
and in due course drove straight to Scotland Yard. I went up and saw my friend there. I produced
against a brick wall, which everyone knows is a fatal thing to do. At least, it was in their case.
I said: ‘Look here, it’s all very well, but you simply can’t know all this; there hasn’t been time
let’s have the identification first.’ He said: ‘All right.’
He said: ‘Last night be blowed! It all happened in February, nineteen nineteen. The people
finger-marks. Some were mine, naturally, because I’d fetched the glass from the kitchen and poured
which her friend had got shot. She’d managed to get him away in a car, but it had broken down
it only happened last night.’
you’ve described have been dead for years.’
with’ a member of one of those racegangs one sometimes hears about.
They’re awfully quick, these people – the clerk was back in three minutes with a file of
and the driver a fellow called Williams had been thrown out, and they’d rammed their heads
The girl had left her glass on the mantel-piece, and it showed several very clearly defined
When Mrs. Selston came I settled up with her and came back to Town. Oh, I called on the
So it hadn’t been a dream and the car had been fetched away, but they must have been jolly quiet
it down to the fingerprint department and asked me where it came from. I said: ‘Never you mind;
the glass and asked him if his people could identify the marks. He said: ‘Probably not,’ but he sent
landlord on the way and told him I’d ‘let him know’ about the bungalow. Then I caught my train,
flattering. Quite an adventurous lady, from all accounts. In the early part of her career she’d done
if she hadn’t actually done it herself, so anything she had left in the way of evidence ought to be
handed over to the police; and this was all she had left. So I packed it up with meticulous care in an
I said: ‘Oh!’
evidently been a murder, or something of that kind, and the girl must have known all about it, even
somewhere in Norfolk. So she’d left it and the dead man in someone’s garage, and had started off
easy to tell them apart. It isn’t necessary to point out that this glass was very important. There’d
My pal went on to say that there’d been a fight between two of these gangs, in the course of
And to think that I might have stuck to that nine pounds!
